03/29/13

I think it’s about being away from everything I know. Because it’s like all I know is Jesus out here. All the comforts of home are gone and my home is more clearly God and he’s a better home and I can be more bold because of it. And I’m left alone with myself and Him and I know myself again. All the flaws and strengths. And I am secure because the truth is clear and I can accept God’s provision more truthfully because I’m forced to be honest. Truth lights up places I’ve been trying to hide and it’s freedom. TRUE freedom. All facades are destroyed and real beauty surfaces. Man it’s so good. And I see the whole country so the big picture comes into focus and new ideas are generated because I’m living outside the box. I feel so healthy and true and honestly safe. Not safely comfortable. I’m living. I’m alive. I’m burning and it’s so good and strong. It’s me and God and that’s all it ever was or is or will be and I know it and I want it. I want him and myself. I want to be me. And I want to be with Him.
-Text from Bea

Life is a rhythm. There is an order to life. The animals seem to understand this. They seem to know what to do and how to do it.

The plants know this as well. They know when to change their leaves, when to ripen, when to bud, when to sprout.

There have been seasons in my life where I have tapped into the harmony of life. When I feel connected to You. Where I feel You everywhere and I see You in everything. Life is beautiful in those seasons. My mind and heart are brimming with wisdom and love.

But sin is the stick in the spokes. Sin is the wrench in the cog. It's the miss step, it's the off beat.

When I take my eyes from You and Your ways, Sin is my sinking ankle in the sea of Galilee.

I am a very broken man.

I can't seem to get back in step once I fall behind. I run to catch up but the more I try to run the more I seem to fall.

I can't get back into rhythm with You. I messed up. I mess up. No matter how hard I work. No matter how fast I run, I can't get back into rhythm.

Life is about accepting the fact and letting You set us back on the path like a needle on a record.

I think the most frightening times in my life are when I choose to scratch the needle and jump the groove. Why do I do that?

O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I’m constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.
-Ro­bert Ro­bin­son

Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it, Prone to leave the God I love. I need this shame washed off of me. I need this heart to be bound by Your fetter of goodness to You.

But we must have free will. That is love. Although it is agony for the both of us. Love must be free. One thing I love about You is the very thing that causes all of the agony.

Truth is freedom. TRUE freedom. take down my facades and reveal the ugly me. The true me. Thus making it the most beautiful me. Not because it is strong not because it is aesthetic but because it is real. Because it is me. Flaws, failures and all. The earth isn't beautiful because of it's fake cover. It's beauty is in it's reality.

An elephant is more majestic drinking from the Chobe than a trough in a zoo.

When You rip the covers off we are the safest. When we feel the most vulnerable the most exposed, that is where we find Your safety. It is only when we lose our lives that we save them.


Jeff Anderson - God Lift Up My Head

03/26/13

Life is but a breath.

We are here one day gone the next.

I can't seem to stop thinking about the crash.

One second, one moment. My life could be drastically different right now if any little thing when differently.

I could have lost my sight. I could have lost my legs. I could have lost my mental health. I could have lost my life.

That would have been the end of my story. Unfinished, unexpected, done.

That's how this life is. It is random. It is so strange. Sometimes it doesn't make sense.

I've been fed hollywood movies that always wrap everything up nicely but that isn't how the world works.

Sometimes it just ends. It doesn't make sense. It isn't happy. It just is.

But in the mist of all of this sort of stuff You are good. Whether I walk away unharmed or whether I never walk again.

You are good.

I have no perseverance.
I have no character.
I have no integrity.

I want to get back to that stuff.
I want to live a disciplined life.
I want to be free.

I want things to matter.
I want to please You.
I want to say no.

I want my life to be a living sacrifice for You.
Instead I just fail.
I need Your grace but I wish I was better.
But I'm not. I'm broken and this sinning and failing is getting old.
I'm tired of it but I can't seem to overcome it either.

I want no darkness. I want to seek only You. I want to live always 100% for you.

Let today be a new day. Help me give today to You. Let me love You and my brothers and sisters and nothing else. No gossip, no cussing, no treating humans like they are anything less than image bearers of Your glory. Help me to be faithful. Help me to be truthful. Jesus I ask that You wash me of yesterday.

Today is a new day. You make all things new.

All Sons & Daughters - Spirit Speaks

03/24/13

This has been one interesting week. First and foremost I want to thank you Jesus that I am completely ok from the crash. I also want to thank you that the two men in the other vehicle are alright too.

After being offered the internship on Tuesday I was offered a full time position somewhere else Wednesday. Now I have a decision to make. I think I have pretty much made up my mind. I just don't understand the timing of the two. I'm sure either way You will make it beautiful. It's just strange back to back days. I won't go into what I think you were trying to do in my life because how could I know Your ways?

I will simply praise you. I will say to You, Thank You that I am alive, and Thank You for these job offers.

I also ask that You could help me find a new car Jesus. I loved that blue civic. It was perfect. I ask for something similar to that.

What a crazy week I've had. two job offers and I total my car.

Gungor - God is not a white Man

03/20/13

It's been over a year since the start of the Kony 2012 stuff.
Amazing to see what can be done in just one year

What happened to KONY 2012? from INVISIBLE CHILDREN on Vimeo.

Yesterday afternoon I was offered the Urban Ministry Homeless Ministry Pastoral Internship.

I come to You Jesus asking what the heck I should do.
I only made around eight thousand dollars last year and if I take this internship I will be working 20 hours a week for 50 bucks a week equaling about 2.50 an hour. So I'll have to now work 40 hours a week but make about the same amount as last year just twice the hours.

This is a huge opportunity for me. I believe this is the next step in my life. I don't know where it will lead or what will happen but I feel like this is the next step.

I will have the opportunity to work under Dan Franz. He would be my mentor and I absolutely love Dan. He has so much wisdom of both experience (hitch hiking across the country, living as a homeless person) as well as knowledge (having attended four bible colleges and assembles an array of degrees). I would have tons to learn from his life.

I would be given the opportunity in my job description to spent part of my time in service with those we are serving in the community.

I could also attend VLI free during my internship.

What should I do Jesus? Do I take this internship or pass like before?

Is this the next step in my story or is this something else?

Please talk to me. I honestly don't mind either way. What's most important to me is that I do what you want me to do. I am where you want me to be. This isn't some super churchie christian clique. I seriously want to hear from You. Please Spirit speak to me.

03/17/13

Last night I saw Izzy and the Catastrophics at MOTR Pub in Cincinnati for Bea's birthday.

Then this morning we went to church at St. Elizabeth by the urban farm.

After that we drove to Yellow Springs and checked out some of the shops.

Perfect weekend Jesus. Thank You for friendship. Thank You for community. Thank You for life!

Branches - Rocking Chairs

03/15/13

Money is an interesting thing

It provides comfort well I guess I should say it provides the illusion of comfort.

No one can serve two masters. For you will hate one and love the other; you will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Mammon
-Matthew 6

God and Mammon both offer the same thing

peace

but the difference is one is a lie the other is the only truth.

How different they both are and how interesting it is.

It is so easy to trust in the lie. It seems so real in this world. But it is nothing it is based on an empty promise.

It is so difficult to trust in the truth. It seems so fake in this world. But it is everything, it is based on a perfect promise.

I've been living this way for over a year now and I can't stand it. When I quit my job the point was because I spent too much of my day working earning more money than I needed. But now that I work part time and I earn enough money to live I am uncomfortable. I worry about my comfort, about security.

Countless what if's enter my mind and as honorable and noble as it may appear to my friends and people who know me I still find myself serving Mammon when I really think about it.

What do I do God? It seems the solution to the problem isn't to make less money. It's a heart condition. It doesn't matter how much money we make it all depends on where our security, where our peace comes from.

Does my peace really come from You God? as soon as I think it does my flesh claws at the opportunity of a free meal or extra money. I feel my flesh flinch towards free money.

Now there is nothing wrong with friends paying for friends meals or gifts or even money. But there is something wrong with how much I enjoy it. I start to wonder about my character. Would I lie to my boss about my hours? If I seriously needed money? Would I pursue integrity above all?

Would I go to jail for something I didn't do like Joseph?
Would I risk being thrown into a furnace for You like Daniel?
Would I deny You three times before dawn?

I want to be so much more than what I am. I want to have character. I want to have integrity. I want to be this "holy" man but time and time again I find myself falling short.

I am a sinner Abba. It's what I do. I fall short. I do not deserve the scraps from the table. I am no longer worthy to be called Your son.

But that isn't the end of the story is it Jesus? Why are You so good to me?

Help me boldly serve You and You alone. And I thank You Jesus for my friends. I love them very much. I love their generosity. I pray that money would have no power over me but rather those moments of generosity, grace, and gifts could be seen as acts of love from a place of friendship. That I could have power over my flesh to kill the portion of myself that drools over money and instead sits humbly at the love washing over me from friends who care deeply about me.

Thank You again Jesus for my friends.
Most of all thank you for Your grace.

You forgive everyone
You restore everyone
You redeem everyone

All Sons & Daughters - Hear The Sound

03/11/13

As I slept outside in a sleeping bag with some new homeless friends I kept thinking of You.

Jesus you met people where they were but what happens when they don't want to change? Don't want to be free?

Alcohol addictions, pot and crack smoking, unforgiveness, anger, selfishness

I worry that You won't save everyone. I doubt that You love those who reject the image of You they have in their minds.

What will You do with a man who has been homeless for years and spends all his time getting drunk? Does he deserve Your forgiving blood any less than I?

Who am I? I am a sinner. What right do I have to redemption above anyone else?

Works can't earn heaven or love. It is only by the blood. If it is only by the blood then what about those who out of brokenness and fear stay in slavery to chemicals and addictions?

Saturday night was so fun. eating and drinking next to the fire in the bottoms with new friends. Then sleeping under the stars and waking up to another breakfast and shared meal with my brothers and sisters.

I guess I just worry about Your goodness I worry that Your love is conditional and exclusive. I worry that the gate is narrow. I worry that You will leave some of my brothers and sisters (myself included) outside of the feast knocking and gnashing our teeth.

Give me peace Jesus, I want the peace that passes understanding. I need to know You will not just seek out the 1 and leave the 99 for a while but that You won't relent until every last sheep is back in the flock.

03/08/13

Parable of the Hidden Treasure

The Kingdom of Heaven is like a treasure that a man discovered hidden in a field. In his excitement, he hid it again and sold everything he owned to get enough money to buy the field.
-Matthew 13

The Kingdom of Heaven is like a treasure.

It's desirable
It's rare
It's good

The Kingdom of Heaven is hidden.

We must seek
We must knock
We must ask

The Kingdom of Heaven creates excitement.

How precious did that Grace appear The hour I first believed
It stirs something deep within our being
We were made for the Kingdom

The Kingdom of Heaven is worth everything

Without hesitation or thought He sold everything for it
Without logic or reason or responsibility he wanted the land
Without prayer or discernment or anything it's worth everything

Jesus calls us into death so that we may have life. Sell everything and follow me. Pick up your cross and follow me. It isn't a sacrifice to sell everything in order to buy a field with treasure in it. We do it gladly and with excitement.

The Kingdom of Heaven is like getting married in Vegas.
Alright maybe not but with the same zest we should chase after Jesus. With the same irresponsible regard for our plans and our lives we should seek Jesus. Only instead of the hangover and divorce waiting with tomorrows sunrise we receive shalom, joy, agape, and most importantly Jesus.

Seryn - We Will All Be Changed

03/05/13

The institutional church's idea of a servant of God is not at all like Jesus Christ's idea. His idea is that we serve Him by being the servants of others... The real test of a saint is not one's willingness to preach the gospel, but one's willingness to do something like washing the disciples' feet - that is, being willing to do those things that seem unimportant in human estimation but count as everything to God. It was Paul's delight to spend his life for God's interests in other people, and did not care what it cost... Paul focused his life on Jesus Christ's idea of the New Testament saint; that is, not one who merely proclaims the gospel, but one who becomes broken bread and poured-out wine in the hands of Jesus Christ of the sake of others.
-Oswald Chambers

Leading in Jesus' eyes is serving.

Being first in Jesus' eyes is being last.

Being great in Jesus' eyes is being least.

Jesus' eyes are the only pair that matter.

Jesus calls us to be forgotten on this earth. To never let your left hand know what your right is giving. To always pray in secret and short. Why take promotions? Why own a smart phone? Why own a phone at all? Why have a facebook? Why put a title before our names?

Christians are called to be nothing. To turn the other cheek, to give to people who cannot repay, to love those who hate us, to die. Nothing glorious about it in our eyes. What would the Pope look like in the eyes of Christ? nothing like what we humans have created.

God was born in a barn. More specifically He was first laid in the food trough of livestock. His mom was pregnant before she was married. He came from Nazareth. The slums of their time.

“Nazareth!” exclaimed Nathanael. “Can anything good come from Nazareth?”
-John 1:46

Jesus came as the least to save everyone. We are called to do the same. We aren't called to have a fancy job and use our power and money to fix things. Jesus had the opportunity to turn stones to bread and feed the world. Jesus had the opportunity to have all the kingdoms of the world and their glory but he took neither. (Matthew 4)

Jesus had the opportunity while the crowds were waving palm branches and shouting the war cry of hosanna to lead the people in a revolt and overthrow the powers of earthly authority. As he descended the mount of olives and approached the East Gate or the "Golden Gate" he could have become the leader of the nation and set them free just as gloriously as Moses had the first time.

But what did Jesus do? Instead as he got closer to the city and saw everyone cheering and crying out for revolution and war with the word hosanna, he wept. He cried, "How I wish today that you of all people would understand the way to peace." (Luke 19) Instead of riding in on a war horse he was on a lowly donkey. Instead of entering in through the "Golden Gate" he entered in through the sheep gate. Not even meant for humans but rather meant for sheep that were to be sacrificed to atone for sin. The sheep gate lead directly into the temple which is why the very next thing Jesus did was turn over the tables of the money changers.

The Kingdom of God is an upside down Kingdom. We must become nothing. We must die.

If I could become the servant of all, no lower place to fall.

MeWithoutYou - January 1979

03/02/13

Rediscovering Wonder — Rob Bell


Life has a way of beating that wonder and awe out of us doesn't it?

I don't believe this is what God intends for us.

Jesus invites us into this taste to experience the new thing that God is doing in this world.

We must become like a child.

It's one thing to talk about it, it's another thing to taste.
It's one thing to be right, it's another thing to be overwhelmed.

He calls us and confronts us with this invitation to leave behind all these reasons we have to be jaded, bitter, cynical, for folding our arms over our chest and become one more spectator.

Our real desire is wonder and awe and that is what Jesus is inviting us into.

I can only imagine how fun it was to hang around Jesus. He couldn't have been some boring law abiding rabbi. The gentiles and the poor and the thousands wouldn't have followed some boring lawyer. They would have followed a man, a God, the God, filled with wonder and awe every where He went. Jesus had to be the most attractive thing those people will ever see. To have the words "follow me" spoken to you from Jesus' lips, I can only imagine, would cause your heart to leap like John in Elizabeth's womb.

Jesus offers us life and life to the fullest but not in the next life but right here right now...Today.

Thy Kingdom come on Earth as it is in Heaven...now, Today.

Jesus doesn't want us settling for Television shows, for reality t.v. for fast food, for pills, for phones, for e-mails, for distance.

Jesus wants us to have life. To live this gift that has been given to us.

He wants us to live an interesting story not sit on the couch and watch a fake one.
He wants us to taste the fruits of our labor not drive thru and eat chemicals.
He wants us to be free from additions, not put our faith in medication and drugs.
He wants us to hug and see our friends, not listen through a plastic pocket box.
He wants us to live in real community, not sit at home alone sending messages to images of our friends.

Why do we settle? Why do we become spectators? sure life hurts but with the bad also comes the good.

Pain hurts but why focus on that? Why not rather say that along with the risk also comes the opportunity for unlimited joy.

Why settle for a savings account and a nice nest when we could experience the joy of giving everything away and the beautiful mess that is community?

Without risk there is no pain.
But without risk there is no joy.

Shame tells us we are bad.

Brené Brown: Listening to shame

But Jesus tells us we are beautifully and wonderfully made.

Satan says:
Never good enough
who do you think you are?

Jesus says:
I choose you, I want you, you are enough.
You are a child of God.

Shame speaks to each gender differently;
Women: Do it all, do it perfectly, and never let them see you sweat
Men: Do not be perceived as weak.

Shame is an epidemic in our culture to get out from underneath it to find out way back to each other Brown says we have to understand how it affects us. But I believe in order to break free from the chains of shame, fear, and addiction we need to hear our savior speak to our hearts and softly say you are good enough, I want you.

shame needs secrecy silence and judgement in order to grow
shame can't survive with empathy. So Jesus teaches us to love our enemies as friends and love our friends as ourselves. Jesus spoke this same finding 2,000 years ago. He knows the hearts of humans and He knows Satan can't touch us if we have empathy.

The two most powerful words when we're in struggle: Me too.
That's exactly why Jesus put on human flesh and came to Earth. So we could look us in the eyes in the midst of our brokenness in the midst of our shame, in the midst of our failure and honestly be able to say, "me too."

Vulnerability is the path to a life filled with wonder and awe.
We sit back from the arena as spectators and think I'll jump in when I'm bullet proof and perfect...but that day will never come.

If you tarry till you’re better,
You will never come at all.
-Joseph Hart

You will spend your life on the couch arms crossed, bitter, jaded, and cynical.

But that isn't what any of us want. We want wonder and awe and we need to know that when we fail, and we will fail, that there is a savior waiting to pick us up and dust us off. We have a Savior who can say to us I've been there before. We want a community who isn't filled with cynicism waiting for us to fail. We want a community who is filled with love and empathy encouraging us to get in the arena and when we fail, and we will fail, they will be there to help us dare. To help us be vulnerable just as Jesus was vulnerable.

Jesus wants us to have life and have it to the fullest.

The Kingdom of God is a safe place. It's a garden where we can walk around naked and feel no shame. It's an arena packed with friends encouraging us to express ourselves. It's a place of love and empathy, patience and gentleness.

It's a place where we run around with our hearts and blue shovel in hand.