11/24/12

NOOMA Rhythm | 011

You aren't a genie, You aren't the white bearded wizard behind the curtain pulling the parking lot lever or the shopping sale lever. You are so much more than that.

As I'm going through and reading my journal from December of 2008 I constantly cringe at my past thoughts and actions. It's embarrassing to see my perspective of who You are and what your followers should look like.

Life is more than marriage. Love is more than eros.

Both Jimmy and her are married to other people now but how selfish of me?

And to consider my view of who God is and how God works is so biased. To think because I wormed my way back into her life and caused her to break up with him that God was "with me" and "for us" it makes me cringe and embarrassed for who I was.

And yet I wouldn't change a thing.

Who we were always leads to who we are.

That was four years ago so my journey with You was four years younger. As I continue to seek and search for Your heart my own is transformed as I attempt to live in rhythm with You.

The past cannot be changed. Did David blot out the parts of the bible where he sinned? The parts he isn't proud of and embarrassed about? No, our walks with God are rough and full of stumbles, scraps, scars, but it's beautiful. It's beautiful to see God take brokenness aside and make it beautiful. The point of the bible and even the point of my past isn't about how we sheep are great followers, but rather how the Shepard is a magnificent leader.

I have such a terrible memory so a lot of this stuff I've long forgotten. But I do remember my view of what a Christian should be as these entries have refreshed my memory. I use to view a christian as this suffering self sacrificial solemn soul. If I was joyous or finding pleasure in creation then I was being selfish and sinful. It's sad to think that not only did I use to see Christianity like that but that many still do. But I have faith in You. I believe that if You can change my perspective of Christianity then You can change the rest of my brothers and sisters as well.

Life is a song. It's been playing since the beginning of the world. Now it's our time to play our verse. Will it be in tune and be an beautiful addition to the song? Or will it be flat, out of place, unoriginal?

You are not a genie or a wizard. You are the Father.

11/21/12

I just got home to the beautiful city of Wauseon. It's 11:00pm and no one in my house is awake.

As I was digging around the basement I found my Journal from four years ago.

I think I'm going to type it out on here. It'll be interesting to see who I as four years ago. I can already remember some of the things and I can gladly say I am not who I was in 2008/2009.

Makes me wonder what I will think of these entries in 2016/2017. Will I be different? Will I be glad I'm different?

11/18/12

NOOMA Lump | 010


You know that moment when your junk catches up to you? It's like maybe not that day, maybe not the next day, maybe not for a while, but given enough time it always finds us.

I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.
-Romans 8

I am a great sinner. I am a failure. I am a sinner on a magnificent scale. But no matter how grand my sin Your love is more.

Guilt, Shame, Fear, Death, Worry, nothing can separate.

I am set free.

11/10/12

NOOMA Bullhorn | 009


Today is Matt and Heather's wedding.

Jesus never went up to a "sinner" and said woe to you! To the sinners You said come follow me I will give you rest. My yoke is easy my burden is light. You came to save the world not condemn it.

But to those who think they are righteous. Those people who think they are invaluable to You the religious ones who think they have something that no one else can have.

Woe to You who:

They taught about God but did not love God — they did not enter the kingdom of heaven themselves, nor did they let others enter.

They preached God but converted people to dead religion, thus making those converts twice as much sons of hell as they themselves were.

They taught that an oath sworn by the temple or altar was not binding, but that if sworn by the gold ornamentation of the temple, or by a sacrificial gift on the altar, it was binding. The gold and gifts, however, were not sacred in themselves as the temple and altar were, but derived a measure of lesser sacredness by being connected to the temple or altar. The teachers and Pharisees worshiped at the temple and offered sacrifices at the altar because they knew that the temple and altar were sacred. How then could they deny oath-binding value to what was truly sacred and accord it to objects of trivial and derived sacredness?

They taught the law but did not practice some of the most important parts of the law — justice, mercy, faithfulness to God. They obeyed the minutiae of the law such as tithing spices but not the real meat of the law.

They presented an appearance of being 'clean' (self-restrained, not involved in carnal matters), yet they were dirty inside: they seethed with hidden worldly desires, carnality. They were full of greed and self-indulgence.

They exhibited themselves as righteous on account of being scrupulous keepers of the law, but were in fact not righteous: their mask of righteousness hid a secret inner world of ungodly thoughts and feelings. They were full of wickedness. They were like whitewashed tombs, beautiful on the outside, but full of dead men's bones.

They professed a high regard for the dead prophets of old, and claimed that they would never have persecuted and murdered prophets, when in fact they were cut from the same cloth as the persecutors and murderers: they too had murderous blood in their veins.

-Matthew 23

Woe to you bullhorn guy.

It isn't the people who admit and acknowledge their sin that Jesus warns about Hell. It's the people who refuse to acknowledge and would rather appear in front of humans as righteous.

I think we are called to preach to the person, preach to the culture. In Jesus' time the self proclaimed righteous thought they were completely safe because they were descendants of Abraham. So Jesus preached a wake up call to them.

Then when he came upon a broken sinner with no hope he preached to them the free gift of a place in the Kingdom of God.

My culture today gags at the word Christian. They cringe at the sound of "religion" despite whether Hell exists or not I doubt Jesus would hammer Hell to this culture in America. Rather I think he would love us as we are but love us too much to let us stay that way. He would accept the sinners, the gays, the atheists so warmly that it would bring anger and rage from the American churches. I think if Jesus came now it would look EXACTLY like it did 2000 years ago.

Love Wins.

11/03/12

NOOMA Dust | 008


Back in the day disciples applied to follow rabbis. They did this so that the rabbi could never be turned down, they could never be disgraced or humiliated by getting turned out.

But You put Yourself out there Jesus. You asked Your disciples to follow You, knowing the risk of being turned down. You loved us first. You humbled Yourself for our sake.

Who does Pete doubt? Jesus isn't the one sinking. He doubts himself. He doesn't believe he can do what Jesus does.

All my life I've heard people talk about believing in God, but God believes in us.

What kind of God seeks out Their creation? What kind of God humbles Themselve to die a disgraceful death for Their creation?

Who is like the Lord?

Jesus I am a sinner. I don't desire You with all my heart soul strength mind and might. I rebel against You daily. I mean it, I have no right to be picked by You I have no right to lead any men. I am a sinner if it's not one thing it's another. I am a mess.

But You believe in me. You know me, You've searched my heart. You know how filthy it is and You still choose me, You still believe in me.

Jesus I want to repent and I want to sin.

Change my desires, give me an undivided heart.