I love my job. I can hardly consider it work. It is fun.
I love watching the kids grow. I love loving them and receiving their love.
I love helping them learn and supporting them in their struggles as they grow.
I love where I live. Clintonville speaks to my heart.
I love the trees.
The food.
The neighbors.
I'm living with two men whom I've known nearly all of my life.
Ellen pushes me and I gain wisdom through these roommates.
I love the garden
I love working with my hands
watching God's faithfulness grow
I love the pantry
I love seeing the kingdom of heaven here on earth in those walls
I love the parish farming internship
I love that community and its conversations.
I exist.
even if it is only for the moment I exist and I love this life
life is good.
and yet...
there always seems to be an 'and yet'
I can't help but feel I am in a season of waiting.
But what am I waiting for?
Life is good
I am content
why do I not feel satisfaction in such a life?
How can it get any better than where I am now?
And here I am still grasping for something waiting for something.
Am I missing something God?
Why do I feel this longing?
What is it for?
Perhaps I will always feel this so long as I am in this life in this existence not yet in communion with You.
Is that it or is it something more?
I know now in my life is a season I will always look back on fondly and yet I can't seem to fully enjoy it.
Am I incapable of rest?
true contentment?
I suppose I lack the sort of conversation I had last year the sort of stretching and thinking the engaging sort of conversation.
Is that it?
I cannot say exactly how to scratch this itch but only that I am aware that such an itch exists within me.
Jesus let me find rest in You.
Sam Smith - Lay Me Down