Earlier this month I went home for the Fulton County Fair. I think ever since I have existed on this planet I have never missed one of these fairs. It has always felt like home. But this year was different.
It didn't feel like home.
I felt out of place.
I stood there with old high school friends listening to them talk and I slowly began to realize how much I have changed. The fair doesn't feel the way it once did not because the fair or the community has changed but rather because somethings have happened within me. I have grown. I have changed.
I travel back to Columbus and I go to my friends' house to hang out but even there I find myself uncomfortable with the subject of conversation. I feel out of place among who have always been my friends.
I come back to the place I live. I sit in the living room or at the table silent. Listening to conversation around me and I find myself again not exactly fitting in.
What is happening?
I am getting closer and closer to turning 27.
I have never been this old in my life.
I am beginning to see my friends grow and head in their paths that life is taking them.
I see my own path as I grow older and experience more.
Things are always changing.
I graduated high school
I graduated college
I've moved out
I've grown up
but there are changes no one warned me about.
No one told me about the slow subtle paths we all take and how such close friends begin to seem like strangers.
Where do I fit in?
Where do I belong?
I don't like making new friends. I've had these friends my whole life. What do I do when the people I love change. What do I do when our conversations become shallower and more on the surface?
I want the depth we once shared but now our deep thoughts have taken different paths. No one wants to hear my thoughts, my conversations because they do no interest they do not fit anymore.
How great the urge to fit it always seems as we live out our lives.
What if I found truth but no one wanted it? Would I live in lies to be with a community or would I live in truth alone?
The balance between my path and staying connected. How do I do it?
Life is so strange. Nothing stays the same.
No one told me 26 would look so different from 22. I wonder what 30 will look like. I worry about things I shouldn't.
I want to fit in. I want to belong. I want to feel home. But home keeps moving. I keep grasping for it and it seems like the space to stand is shrinking as the waters of time rise.
Grey or Blue - Jaymay
It didn't feel like home.
I felt out of place.
I stood there with old high school friends listening to them talk and I slowly began to realize how much I have changed. The fair doesn't feel the way it once did not because the fair or the community has changed but rather because somethings have happened within me. I have grown. I have changed.
I travel back to Columbus and I go to my friends' house to hang out but even there I find myself uncomfortable with the subject of conversation. I feel out of place among who have always been my friends.
I come back to the place I live. I sit in the living room or at the table silent. Listening to conversation around me and I find myself again not exactly fitting in.
What is happening?
I am getting closer and closer to turning 27.
I have never been this old in my life.
I am beginning to see my friends grow and head in their paths that life is taking them.
I see my own path as I grow older and experience more.
Things are always changing.
I graduated high school
I graduated college
I've moved out
I've grown up
but there are changes no one warned me about.
No one told me about the slow subtle paths we all take and how such close friends begin to seem like strangers.
Where do I fit in?
Where do I belong?
I don't like making new friends. I've had these friends my whole life. What do I do when the people I love change. What do I do when our conversations become shallower and more on the surface?
I want the depth we once shared but now our deep thoughts have taken different paths. No one wants to hear my thoughts, my conversations because they do no interest they do not fit anymore.
How great the urge to fit it always seems as we live out our lives.
What if I found truth but no one wanted it? Would I live in lies to be with a community or would I live in truth alone?
The balance between my path and staying connected. How do I do it?
Life is so strange. Nothing stays the same.
No one told me 26 would look so different from 22. I wonder what 30 will look like. I worry about things I shouldn't.
I want to fit in. I want to belong. I want to feel home. But home keeps moving. I keep grasping for it and it seems like the space to stand is shrinking as the waters of time rise.
Grey or Blue - Jaymay