02/26/15

Intimacy and Vulnerability. These are two things I know absolutely nothing about.

I thought I did.
But it turns out what I knew on the subjects was less than the beginners course.
I know so little.

Monday night at 2:44am Tuesday morning

I learned a lesson only experience can teach.

I made a decision.
All decisions cannot be undone. The circumstances may not be permanent but the decision altered the path even if it catches back up with an old path.
All decisions cannot be undone.
Life is strange in this aspect. Everything is so temporary and because of that rare, and because of that very sensitive.

Once a tree is cut down it cannot be undone. Yes there may be other trees in the forest and the forest shall continue to exist without that single tree, however that tree will never be a part of the forest again and if enough trees follow the same fate the forest will forever cease to be.

The present doesn't care how long the past has existed.
The future can only work with that the present has left.
The past is not true although it at one time was ultimate truth.

The present is conditional of the past
and the future is conditional of the present
The past is the foundation for both but rarely has this awareness

In fact this moment right now. This present will one day be the past. And this past that right now is the present will shape my future so much so that when I am older decades later I will be able to look back at this past which at the moment feels so much like the present and know exactly how this moment shaped where I am in the future.

The present is the most temporary of things thus making it the most sensitive. After the present we spend most of the future learning from the past. All of which in their own time are...the present.

All of this to say vulnerability and intimacy are such terrifying things.
We are always giving the choice
Trust
or Fear

We can only know what is in our own minds and God has given us this reality to find ways in which we may express ourselves to God and others. Along with this this same reality can be used to not only send signals but to receive them.

Once a message is sent into the airwaves anything can happen before it is received.

There is always a transmitter and a receiver.

Does that word hold the same meaning in both the transmitter and the receiver?
Does that look
That smile
that tone
that text

It is such a risk to send my message out past my mind. Once it has left my mind it is open to interpretation. It is open to criticism.

Like an artist displaying a piece
A musician preforming
A chef serving a meal

What are we trying to say?
What are we trying to express?

I believe God is the perfect receiver. God sees the heart of man. We can rest in knowing we are fully known and fuller understood by God.

But what about the rest of our reality?
The environment
The community
our relationships?

If I want to show love to a human I hug them
If I wanted to express love to a plant I would have to display the proper signal otherwise I could kill the thing which I meant to show my love.

Or if a carnivorous animal were hungry giving it the world's greatest salad would not be received.

We must take time in the present to learn from the past in order to express ourselves to reflect that which is actually within our hearts.

But it isn't simply that.

It isn't enough to work on perfecting the art of transmitting.

We must also trust that the receiver has comprehended the message properly. Exactly as it was meant.

But it doesn't end there. Certainly we are not all exclusively transmitters. How could there be relationship? Or honest knowing in being understood?

It isn't just transmitting well
It isn't just trusting well
We must also receive well.
We must hold in perfect balance these two expressions.
Transmitting and receiving. We must know when a message is being sent back and how to interpret it perfectly.

But even that isn't enough.

transmitting
trusting
receiving
and the final part You have no control over the final piece is that the transmitter trusts that You have received the signal exactly as intended from their heart.

How horribly terrifying. There are so many opportunities for error. So much risk. It is so sensitive.

While all of this is going on the present is changing into the future and with that change comes growth in both people which means a constant adjusting of transmissions and receptions.

Vulnerability is the place where you attempt to transmit your entire heart. The whole thing. Like putting a bowling ball into a golf hole. It feels impossible and the fear of failure makes you want to freeze and never even take a stroke.

Meanwhile You find no difficulty cheering on and encouraging those you care about to keep putting keep trying. It isn't going well but none of it matters because you want so much for them to succeed.

But when they turn to you and say it is your turn to try, you yell and throw your clubs you storm off the course and quit. Why is it so difficult to trust?

Why is it so scary to trust that the same grace and mercy you so easily pour out towards them will not be equally if not increasingly poured out for you?

I love talking about failure and courage and honesty and vulnerability when encouraging those I love. But when it comes to my own life I freeze.

Why can't I let them love me the same ways I love to love them?

There is so much I don't know. I have so much to learn.

John Lennon - Beautiful Boy

02/18/15

The balance of American Christianity.

It's strange how America thinks. We want our celebrities to thank God when receiving awards. We want our TV shows to pray at the end. And we want our CEOs to stand against birth control and gay marriage.

We are one nation under God. We were founded on Christianity.

But not too much.

If we start giving food and shelter to widows and orphans it's considered a hand out. If we give rest to the tired and welcome in the stranger it's considered a border crisis. If we get attacked and refuse to seek revenge we are cowards.

What would this country look like if it were a Christian nation.
A nation that is humble, generous, forgiving, compassionate.
A nation that does not condemn or judge the hurting.
A nation that attempts to understand the other lens and attempts to reconcile.

We Americans like our Christians just right.
Not too hot
Not too cold
Perfectly lukewarm.

I have heard many people say, that would be nice but it will never be like that.

But it will never be like that?

Are we Christians?
Where is our hope?
Where have we placed our faith?
In the bombs and bullets of our American government?

One thing has proven true throughout history, every empire has fallen.
Rome lasted 1,229 years before the fall. America is 0238 years old. All empires fall and sooner or later so will the American Empire. So where do we put our faith? In these broken governments? Certainly not!

If we truly are Christian then we pledge our allegiance to no flag. We see no such borders that are drawn on maps. Money has no power over us. Fear does not control our choices. Violence only begets more violence. Power is displayed through restraint.

Do we honestly believe what Jesus said? Do we trust in the man whom we claim to follow?

Do We believe in the Kingdom come? Do we believe it can be on Earth as it is in Heaven? How do we get there? When do we start?

Now. Today. We pursue and build the kingdom now and always. Always hoping. Always trying. Never giving up. Never growing bitter. Never through violence.

The kingdom of God is a real thing and it can happen on Earth. There will always be cancer and the poor but we can have a different attitude and priority for these problems than our culture currently has.

We could stop spending so much on our own comforts and entertainment. We could readjust our focus and priorities from sports, movies, tv. to the sick, the lonely, the poor. We could build a community that will one day stretch to the ends of the Earth. A community of respect and love.

Do we Christians actually believe what we preach or deep down is it all just bullshit to help us sleep at night?

Copeland - Chin Up

02/01/15

Health means Peace, for that is what comes when minds are sane and bodies cared for.
-Deganawida

Deganawida's vision, deeply rooted in the Iroquois origin story, was very different: it saw the universe as a compound of good and evil in which the harmony of Teharoniawako's world was constantly being warped and unbalanced by the activities of his wicked twin. The Peacemaker's mission, as the many accounts of the League's formation make clear, was to reestablish the natural equilibrium on which the well-being of individuals, societies and the whole of creation depended. He achieved this not by destroying witches and wrongdoers but by healing them, 'making their minds straight' so that they could rediscover the fundamental goodness in themselves - an idea moving expressed in the redemption of cannibals and sorcerers such as Thadodaho. Deganawida's role, therefore, was essentially shamanic: to correct the imbalance which caused both personal and collective ill-health. He himself was quite explicit about this: 'Health means Peace, for that is what comes when minds are sane and bodies cared for.'
-The Earth Shall Weep, Chapter 5 New York and the 'Ohio Country', James Wilson

Deganawida through words and action is a follower of Jesus. Religiously speaking not at all but if we strip away the titles the labels and we take the world at its core without categories and we judge by a person's heart and only the heart Deganawida was a Christian. A follower and believer in Peace and Love.

Jesus is the Prince of Peace
and God is Love.

Go Up To That Mountain - The Steel Wheels