But there is a great difference between Adam’s sin and God’s gracious gift. For the sin of this one man, Adam, brought death to many. But even greater is God’s wonderful grace and his gift of forgiveness to many through this other man, Jesus Christ.
-Romans 5:15
For your predecessor, the first super-soldier...it was all so simple.
Captain America was right, because America was right.
And Captain America was good, because America was good.
So much has changed.
The great wars are over, they say.
The great causes, all decided.
Morality is a relic. All is choice. Everything, relative.
What is the import of "good" and "right" in this divided and muddled America?
I am told the super-solider still calls himself "Captain."
But captain of what?
I know what your media has told you.
But we are not what they say.
Like you, we rebelled against the old-world elites.
Like you, we embraced revolution.
You and I were allies once-- Revolutionary allies.
But not because we were good.
Because we were strong.
And I have always loved America for this reason.
America is right...Because America is strong.
So much has changed, my son.
We the strong are now plagued by parasites...feeble minds...and captains of nothing.
So, that boys, like you, die nameless in deserts and the people do not honor them.
But we who love America have forged a sacred trust.
Of defense...science...commerce...and God.
This sacred trust stands against the weak, the parasites the feeble minds.
And we will prevail my son.
So that America may be strong again...right again...born again.
-Captain America "We who love America: A Prologue", Ta-Nehisi Coates
Some very interesting turn of events caused me to discover that Ta-Nehisi Coates is about to write a Captain America run and that the first teaser was released on free comic book day.
Coates is an amazing writer, and while I'm no expert on his stuff what I have read has always been very helpful in my growth and attempt at understanding the different realities that others live in while on the same planet, even the same country.
Why America isn't the greatest country in the world anymore - Newsroom
Can you say why America is the greatest country in the world?
It’s not the greatest country in the world. That’s my answer... the NEA is a loser. Yeah, it accounts for a penny out of our paycheck, but he gets to hit you with it anytime he wants. It doesn’t cost money, it costs votes. It costs airtime and column inches. You know why people don’t like liberals? Because they lose. If liberals are so fucking smart, how come they lose so goddamn always? And with a straight face, you’re gonna tell students that America is so star-spangled awesome that we’re the only ones in the world who have freedom? Canada has freedom. Japan has freedom. The UK, France, Italy, Germany, Spain, Australia, Belgium has freedom! So, 207 sovereign states in the world, like 180 of them have freedom. And yeah, you… sorority girl. Just in case you accidentally wander into a voting booth one day, there’s some things you should know. One of them is: there’s absolutely no evidence to support the statement that we’re the greatest country in the world. We’re 7th in literacy, 27th in math, 22nd in science, 49th in life expectancy, 178th in infant mortality, 3rd in median household income, number 4 in labor force and number 4 in exports. We lead the world in only three categories: number of incarcerated citizens per capita, number of adults who believe angels are real and defense spending, where we spend more than the next 26 countries combined, 25 of whom are allies. Now, none of this is the fault of a 20-year-old college student, but you, nonetheless, are, without a doubt, a member of the worst period generation period ever period, so when you ask what makes us the greatest country in the world, I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about! Yosemite?!
It sure used to be… We stood up for what was right. We fought for moral reason. We passed laws, struck down laws, for moral reason. We waged wars on poverty, not on poor people. We sacrificed, we cared about our neighbors, we put our money where our mouths were and we never beat our chest. We built great, big things, made ungodly technological advances, explored the universe, cured diseases and we cultivated the world’s greatest artists AND the world’s greatest economy. We reached for the stars, acted like men. We aspired to intelligence, we didn’t belittle it. It didn’t make us feel inferior. We didn’t identify ourselves by who we voted for in the last election and we didn’t scare so easy. We were able to be all these things and do all these things because we were informed… by great men, men who were revered. First step in solving any problem is recognizing there is one. America is not the greatest country in the world anymore.”
a member of the worst. generation. ever.
Aaron Sorkin through his character in Newsroom claims America use to be the greatest country in the world because of all of these reasons we stood up for what was right, we fought for moral reasons, we passed and struck down laws for moral reasons and so on and so forth.
America was the greatest country, he claims.
Ta-Nehisi Coates through his character in Captain America claims, this sacred trust stands against the weak, the parasites the feeble minds. And we will prevail my son. So that America may be strong again...right again...born again.
So that America can be strong again...
Make America Great Again.
But this is America.
We never fought for moral reasons. I think Coates knows this and that's why I'm so interested to read his Cap run.
The civil war was not about freeing slaves on the Union side...It was about keeping the states united.
It only became about slavery when the south was about to solicit aid from European countries who had already abolished slavery in a strategic move to prevent this help. Once the north declared it was about freeing slaves many of the northern soldiers stopped fighting for the Union and went home.
Lincoln continued to insist that this was a war to save the Union, not to free slaves. But by 1862, Lincoln was considering emancipation as a necessary step toward winning the war. The South was using enslaved people to aid the war effort. Black men and women were forced to build fortifications, work as blacksmiths, nurses, boatmen, and laundresses, and to work in factories, hospitals, and armories. In the meantime, the North was refusing to accept the services of black volunteers and freed slaves, the very people who most wanted to defeat the slaveholders. In addition, several governments in Europe were considering recognizing the Confederacy and intervening against the Union. If Lincoln declared this a war to free the slaves, European public opinion would overwhelmingly back the North.
-The Civil War and emancipation, PBS
We did not join in the fight of WWII until 1941 the war began in 1939 when Nazi Germany invaded Poland. The battle of Dunkirk happened in 1940 Germany had consumed most of Western Europe and had Britain's back up against a wall, all the while we stayed completely silent and out of the war, while Jews were being massacred and our allies were being invaded. It wasn't until our own territory was attacked that we decided to join the war..."moral reasons"
"We passed laws, struck down laws, for moral reason" Bull shit after slavery was abolished Jim Crow laws were passed anti voting rights were enforced. Our country should receive no applause for striking down and repealing terrible laws that should have never been in place or even on a ballot in the first place.
a member of the worst. generation. ever.
The millennials, me
We the strong are now plagued by parasites...feeble minds...and captains of nothing.
So, that boys, like you, die nameless in deserts and the people do not honor them...This sacred trust stands against the weak, the parasites the feeble minds. And we will prevail my son.
the worst. generation. ever.
parasites, feeble minds and captains of nothing.
We are the generation of #blacklivesmatter
We are the generation of #lovewins
We are the generation of #taketheknee
We are the generation of #metoo #timesup
"We reached for the stars, acted like men...We were able to be all these things and do all these things because we were informed… by great men, men who were revered."
-Aaron Sorkin
Back when "America was great" back before we, the worst generation ever, arrived We acted like men and we did all of these things because we were informed by great men who were revered...these very same men who grab women by the pussy, who sexually assault them, victim blame, and pay hush money.
Fuck that.
America was right because America's selfishness at times has also lined up with morality and America was great for white men and that's all it's ever been great for.
This is America. We were never great and we certainty aren't the greatest country in the world.
But we could be...If we stopped acting like America use to be this perfect place and stopped looking back with rose tinted glasses. If we looked back only to acknowledge our flaws, our errors, our fuck ups (and there have been many) But we need to focus on the future, on forward, on the dream of tomorrow being a better place for every human in our borders and out. America was never great from the first invasion of this land colonizing and displacing native people who already had great nations. To today where our politicians and parents rant and whine about how this country has gone to shit. It's always been shit don't blame our systemic brokenness on the young adult generation of today, don't get upset with us because you wasted your time in the country worrying about what it "use to be"
Three more weeks of school and my first year of teaching comes to a close.
Three more weeks until my first summer break.
I haven't had a summer where I didn't work since maybe 2002.
I'm very excited about this time off. I'm excited to see parts of this country I've never seen. I'm excited for the long days and the nice weather. I'm excited to spend time with Tem and my friends.
My road trip for the month of June, I have been wanting to do a trip like this since 2013. It's funny how fast these years have flown by they feel like weeks sometimes. I've wanted to take this trip since I was 25 and now here I am at 30 finally able to do it. Life is flying by so fast. I have so many things I've been wanting to do in my 20's and here I am already in my 30's. But I had plans for my 30's such as fatherhood but I'm not done with my 20's. I'm not done traveling, exploring, learning, growing, and preparing to be a parent.
Yesterday's weather was so nice I was able to sit by a pool. April was winter and May turned to summer. Summer is basically here and I'm ready for my time off, but Tem landed in Barcelona this morning and she won't be back for two weeks. I miss her and I want to spend the weather with her, the happy hours with her, the windows open in bed at night with her, the coffee walks in the morning. I want to drive out to the woods and hike with her, today would be perfect for it. But we will have many many more chances this summer.
Anyway, I don't have much to say right now. 2018 has been a very good year so far and I'm excited to see how the other half of it goes. Tem did inform me Kelly got married earlier this month, so that happened, I guess.
Enneagram Type Four The Individualist
Bodies fashioned out of dirt and dust
For a moment we get to be glorious
Ice sculptures adorned in light
Sand castles built tall in between the tides
The honeymoon phase is definitely over...it is long gone at this point.
Last Thursday Tem and I went to see Infinity War and that Friday we saw Travis' band play at Ace of Cups. During the film Tem and her friend Vanessa kept ogling every male protagonist on the screen. Three hours of my girlfriend drooling over men who aren't me, and don't look anything like me. It was bothersome. It reminded me of the way Holly and Hillary talk openly and blatantly about celebrity men in front of Travis and Jared. I watch uncomfortable as Travis tries to joke about it. I remember thinking to myself I never want to be in that situation watching how uncomfortable it seemed.
Even the way Holly talks about my body or Downing's looks, It's always rubbed me the wrong way, like she doesn't deserve my amazing friend if she doesn't only have eyes for him. My dude is definitely worth that sort of loyalty, the kind of loyalty he expresses.
But there I was uncomfortably joking with them about how much my girlfriend wanted other men. It was Black Panther all over again. I attempted to mask my feelings talking about Zoe Saldana and Danai Gurira but it wasn't as sincere and graphic my eyebrow raises to their detailed fantasies.
I played it off and the night ended. Friday I met up with them at the Goat downtown the two of them were again discussing the cast. I subtly commented in the snap group my displeasure in hopes to stop Tem without being the wet blanket...it didn't work. Eventually it came to an "ok lets not talk about this"
Christopher arrived at the Goat and brought a woman with him so the focus changed to them. After we left we met up with Travis and his band we discussed the new movie as a group before heading out the patio to sit before the show. Here the two of them continued to talk about them and my insecurity could handle no more I stood up to walk back in the bar while they finished their fantasies. It reminded me of tweets I'd seen between her and her husband about celebrities they would fuck. I never want that conversation with the woman I'm dating and hoping to be her only sexual partner. I felt ignored and hurt...the rest of the night went exactly as you'd expect I shut down and we silently watched the band. Once we arrived at her apartment the sexual drive that had been marinating between us all day has vanished from my end. Insulted and sexually uninterested I decided to walk home and sleep alone. A much better choice than either attempting sex while wondering who she was thinking about during, or refusing her sex, and sleeping next to her frustrating her even more.
We threw violent texts back and forth my whole walk home, up the stairs, and into my bed.
The next morning I woke up and she wanted to talk. I assumed she had finally had enough of my insecurities and inability to provide her the attention she requires she was preparing to tell me she was done with me. Instead she apologized to me...first thing. I was shocked and grateful. We sat down together and she asked me about a few more of my insecurities. I confessed them to her, we parted ways, I went home to be alone, she went to brunch with her friends and half marathon people apparently.
The honeymoon phase is definitely over...it is long gone at this point.
We have arrived at the point in a relationship where each other's every move impacts the well being of the other. Before when she was a woman I knew she could talk about any man she wanted and it didn't matter to me at all but now she's a big source of my self confidence...I've let her in to the point that her eyes on another man no matter real or fictional impacts my confidence. Before when I was just a man she new every day, hour, or minute that passed without a text was inconsequential to her. I was just a man living his own life going and doing whatever I pleased. But now she's let me in to the point that my silence isn't viewed as neutral or impartial but rather it is viewed as neglect and apathetic towards her. No communication means I'm not thinking about her and thus I don't care about her.
It's strange how we send these signals and how we interpret them.
I send the signal I like you with the girlfriend title, spending every night together, and spending all my free time with her. These are very important things in my life that I have given up, freely, and willingly to show her I care. But her interpretation of my messages my expressions and signals is that of mundane bare minimum expectations. These grand gestures from one side seem like the status quo to the other.
She says things that seem harmless fun to her friend as a way to connect and bond and I interpret them as attacks on my appearance and my value to her.
This stuff isn't easy. I know Tem and I have talked multiple times prior to dating about how we don't understand why people would stay together if it isn't constant honeymoon and fireworks... but maybe by the pure nature of broken people opening themselves up to broken people that sort of relationship can't exist. Offering our insecurities to another person will always fill us with fear. Fear that we are in it more than the other, fear that the other doesn't want us, fear that we are going to lose the person we care about the most. And out of those fears come fights, anger, insecurity masked as vexation.
The only way to find that honeymoon firework marathon relationship would be for both people to have perfect trust. To view their partner through a lens that filters every action, every word as kind and not maliciously intended to harm them. To offer their partner the benefit of the doubt with trust and kindness again and again through each and every communication failure.
Knowing that objectifying other men on a screen isn't personally attacking me despite how very real my hurt feelings are to be able to see past myself and trust her.
Knowing that the absence of a text or time frame isn't a personal attack of neglect on her despite how very real her hurt feelings are thinking I am uninterested and unequally invested.
In order for the honeymoon firework marathon to exist both people would have to have their trust still intact. They would have to have not experiences an abusive relationship making you question your sanity and intentions behind every action of your partner. They would have to have not been promised things or offered commitments that were broken again and again by previous relationships.
One experience teaches caution and distrust. The other teachers the same message that words and even actions mean nothing but that everything is conditionally circumstantial.
I guess at this point I don't want the honeymoon firework marathon.
I want something different, something obtainable given our past experiences.
I want something that can experiences honeymoon feelings in the air while still building deep root systems beneath the ground that grip and wrap foundations of trust, forgiveness, and inherent kindness.
Knowing, not hoping, or worrying, but knowing that the other person does everything from a place of kindness and my best interest, and living my life out of that same filter towards her.
And when our insecurities grow like a weed around our roots attempting to sap us of our steady nutrient flow of trust, forgiveness, and kindness we will communicate it honestly and transparently in a safe and caring environment.
Never fighting, or never experiences conflict is not my goal in this relationship, but rather confronting, communicating, and curing the conflicts in a healthy way each time.
But what is the path?
Enneagram Type Three The Achiever
I only want what's real
I set aside the highlight reel
And leave my greatest failures on display with an asterisk
*Worthy of love anyway
