"I think there is something seriously wrong with you"
"I sat next to you so you could touch me"
"Are we not going to kiss tonight?"
"We didn't cuddle last night"
"You keep me at a six foot distance, you put walls up"
"I feel like I'm unable to voice my needs without you saying 'I've done this and that and it's not good enough' rather than listing to why I am saying what I'm saying"
"Why don't you take pictures of me?"
"I don't have a boyfriend, we aren't dating"
"I feel like you don't want me around"
"I'm not gonna lie you aren't the first boyfriend to tell me that it's always something with me. I have high standards and I know that. I strive for perfection and I believe we always need to keep improving ourselves. However, when I'm trying to improve a relationship it's another human that is constantly feeling inadequate. When that shouldn't be the case cause that's not what I'm saying but I see you're feeling that way. I don't know what to do about it though. I think it's healthy to constantly work on things. But it seems to be wearing on you."
"I do know that you constantly telling me I'm unhappy is making me think really hard if I am happy"
"It truly feels like you like to be in a pity party with yourself. And I mean that in the nicest way possible."
I feel upside down.
Friday morning I felt so invalidated, so confused, so flustered I yelled. I became something I'm not. This 'relationship/nonrelationship' is making me second guess everything. It's making me second guess my actions, my words, even my own memories.
One of two things is true, either Tem is right or my perception is right.
If Tem is right, which she certainly seems to act like she is then my perception and my feelings are wrong.
If I can't trust my own feelings, my own perception I don't know, she's probably right, there is something seriously wrong with me.
I don't have any complaints about Tem. I can't think of any. The only thing I ask of her is that she please be the purest form of herself. I constantly attempt to confirm if it's really what she wants, if that's really what she thinks, forever trying to pull out of her the Temest Tem.
She's the woman I love and I want to meet her, want to keep learning more and more about her.
But then there's me.
She is enough for me but I'm not enough for her. Me, who I am, I'm not the man she wants but if she could just keep reworking me, shaping, changing, crafting me then maybe one day I will be acceptable enough for her, one day I will please her.
Here I am my own one man pity party.
I feel trapped to express or defend myself is to complain to self loath and to invalidate her requests. But these are my feelings, this is my perception.
I feel exhausted and completely defeated.
She complained about spending the 4th of July with me rather than my beach trip with my friends, she finally got it and in the time frame from July 3rd to July 5th all of the above quotes came from her. I tried to give her what she wanted and all she got was more disappointment.
I feel insane. I think there is something seriously wrong with me.
She told me she hasn't been happy with us for 10 months. We've 'dated' for two years and nearly half of that time she's been dissatisfied with me.
Despite my attempts she thinks my actions are complacent.
I need some rest.
"I sat next to you so you could touch me"
"Are we not going to kiss tonight?"
"We didn't cuddle last night"
"You keep me at a six foot distance, you put walls up"
"I feel like I'm unable to voice my needs without you saying 'I've done this and that and it's not good enough' rather than listing to why I am saying what I'm saying"
"Why don't you take pictures of me?"
"I don't have a boyfriend, we aren't dating"
"I feel like you don't want me around"
"I'm not gonna lie you aren't the first boyfriend to tell me that it's always something with me. I have high standards and I know that. I strive for perfection and I believe we always need to keep improving ourselves. However, when I'm trying to improve a relationship it's another human that is constantly feeling inadequate. When that shouldn't be the case cause that's not what I'm saying but I see you're feeling that way. I don't know what to do about it though. I think it's healthy to constantly work on things. But it seems to be wearing on you."
"I do know that you constantly telling me I'm unhappy is making me think really hard if I am happy"
"It truly feels like you like to be in a pity party with yourself. And I mean that in the nicest way possible."
I feel upside down.
Friday morning I felt so invalidated, so confused, so flustered I yelled. I became something I'm not. This 'relationship/nonrelationship' is making me second guess everything. It's making me second guess my actions, my words, even my own memories.
One of two things is true, either Tem is right or my perception is right.
If Tem is right, which she certainly seems to act like she is then my perception and my feelings are wrong.
If I can't trust my own feelings, my own perception I don't know, she's probably right, there is something seriously wrong with me.
I don't have any complaints about Tem. I can't think of any. The only thing I ask of her is that she please be the purest form of herself. I constantly attempt to confirm if it's really what she wants, if that's really what she thinks, forever trying to pull out of her the Temest Tem.
She's the woman I love and I want to meet her, want to keep learning more and more about her.
But then there's me.
She is enough for me but I'm not enough for her. Me, who I am, I'm not the man she wants but if she could just keep reworking me, shaping, changing, crafting me then maybe one day I will be acceptable enough for her, one day I will please her.
Here I am my own one man pity party.
I feel trapped to express or defend myself is to complain to self loath and to invalidate her requests. But these are my feelings, this is my perception.
I feel exhausted and completely defeated.
She complained about spending the 4th of July with me rather than my beach trip with my friends, she finally got it and in the time frame from July 3rd to July 5th all of the above quotes came from her. I tried to give her what she wanted and all she got was more disappointment.
I feel insane. I think there is something seriously wrong with me.
She told me she hasn't been happy with us for 10 months. We've 'dated' for two years and nearly half of that time she's been dissatisfied with me.
Despite my attempts she thinks my actions are complacent.
I need some rest.