I've done a horrible job writing on here as I have in recent years. Life has been moving extremely fast and yet I find myself having plenty of time to both rest and reflect but none of it seems to translate to writing. On this labor day I wanted to set aside some time. I'm less than 6 weeks away from fatherhood. Everything is about to change. I've done all the reading and note taking this past summer. I've prepped the house as much as I can. Now I wait. Try to prepare for the unpreparable.
This will change my life forever. I'm not sure I've had a chapter with such a drastic change. From now on I will always worry and wonder about my child. I wonder what that will feel like. I wonder who I will become. 34 years vs the rest of my life as a parent.
I'm solo trips into the wilderness are at least put on hold for a few years at most finished completely.
The stamps on the passport, visiting all the continents will also be put on hold.
Friday was my first day of school with my students and with the new staff. Year 6 is certainly different from year 1. I've learned a lot about teaching and the education system. I'm not sure burnout is on the horizon yet but what was once saw as impossible to me is now within the realm at some point I'm sure.
The union had a strike this summer that lasted less than a week and did nothing to help our students get the education environments their peers in the suburbs have. It was frustrating to say the least.
Tem has been handling pregnancy well. Seeing a woman go through these 9 months has been eye opening especially while Roe was overturned and learning about maternity leave.
Truly a disgraceful country we live in. It is also wild how often this baby is moving within her. I guess I thought a kick here or there. I didn't realize full summersaults every few minutes was the norm.
Our government and economy very clearly hates women. Anyone who has witnessed a woman going through pregnancy can see that. It's fascinating how many politicians men and women who have children have witnessed first had these experiences and continue to allow our system to maintain so anti feminine.
I need to be more intentional in slowing life down. It isn't that I'm busy it's that when I have the time I need to set it aside to process and drink the life I've been building experiencing.
These are my last days not as a parent and I'm sure that is somehow profound to my future self but now here I am sitting and wasting the time.
But then again I think we are always harsh on our past selves when it comes to time. It's always wasted in the eyes of the future. But I can say that this time was spent with friends, family, and alone. With drinks, food, laughter, arguments which are the growing pains of relationships. What else can we do with our time? Is it possible to not waste it? Or will we always think we could have had one more happy hour? One more trip, one more guest, one more hour awake?
I know I should be reading books more than I do but let me show myself some grace. 5 full school years seems so strange to me. Where did they go? Did I really spend 5 full school years with each of those cohorts? Are my first year students really 5th graders now? Teaching still never feels like a job but it certainly feels like work which I think is the perfect balance. What more can I ask for in a career? Although I'm sure I'll look back and think I could have done something different leaving a better legacy. But again would anything ever be enough?
These 30s are going by too fast what the hell?