10/29/12

"You mean," said Lucy rather faintly, "that it would have turned out all right-somehow? But how? Please, Aslan! Am I not to know?"
"To know what would have happened, child?" said Aslan. "No. Nobody is ever told that."
-Prince Caspian Chapter 10

What if I wouldn't have gone to community college for 2 years?
What if I wouldn't have gone to Ohio State for 2 years?
What if I wouldn't have worked at the law firm?
What if I wouldn't have quit the firm?

Who would I be if I didn't do things I did and did things I didn't do?

It is not for us to know.

Still it is rather interesting. Who I am is determined on my environment. All things equal if I'd been born in N'Dola Zambia I would be a different person. My character would not be the same. All things equal if I'd been born in 1887 I would be a different person.

Who are we Abba?

Are we our actions?
Are we our soil?
Are we our culture?

If placed under different circumstances would we become different men?

I suppose this sort of thought process is futile.

No one can serve two masters. For you will hate one and love the other; you will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Mammon. That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing?
-Matthew 6:24

I am set free from worry by Jesus. I am set free from the what ifs.

This Colorful World - Eliot Morris

10/27/12

NOOMA Luggage | 007


I don't want what someone else did to me to determine what my life is going to be like.

Whatever wrong was done to any of us God saw it, it's like God was right there.

Revenge is like saying to God, I don't trust You.

Revenge doesn't satisfy it doesn't work.

Forgiving isn't always forgetting. Sometimes forgiving is remembering.

To forgive is to wish them well.

When I forgive and let them off the hook I'm really letting myself off the hook.

Jesus, You came to proclaim freedom to the captives. Freedom from every type of slavery. Freedom for those who have been held captive by their own pride. Their own unforgiveness, their own bitterness, their wounds. I can't control anything except myself. I can't prevent pain. But I can forgive it. Accept it. Set it down, let it go, walk on this earth free of burdens and grudges.

"Child," said the Voice, "I am telling you your story, not hers. I tell no one any story but his own."
-The Horse and His Boy Chapter 11

"As for you, follow me."
-Jesus

I can't control if someone is going to betray me or not. I can't prevent someone from wounding me. But I can follow You. Abba You tell no one any story but his own. Whatever wrong was done to any of us God saw it, it's like God was right there. I trust Your judgement Jesus. I put my case in Your hands. I don't want what someone else did to me to determine what my life is going to be like. I want to let myself off the hook. I want to be set free!

Jesus set me free from my captivity.

I willingly believe that the damned are, in one sense, successful, rebels to the end; that the doors of hell are locked on the inside. I do not mean that the ghosts may not wish to come out of hell, in the vague fashion wherein an envious man "wishes" to be happy: but they certainly do not will even the first preliminary stages of that self-abandonment through which alone the soul can reach any good. They enjoy forever the horrible freedom they have demanded, and are therefore self-enslaved.
- C. S. Lewis

Jesus, You hang there on the cross beckoning freedom and yet we still wish to remain in our own hell. The doors of hell are locked on the inside.

I choose freedom. Help me choose freedom.

10/23/12

Teach me your way, Lord,
that I may rely on your faithfulness;
give me an undivided heart,
that I may fear your name.
-Psalm 86

Love must be Genuine.

Genuine Love is Marked by
Obeying God's commands
Relating like family
Showing honor
God's energizing power

You demand love and make it the priority command because without love everything is worthless. Love is everything.

I want to choose Your way over any other. I want to sincerely pick You. The more I think about what I want in a wife, if I get married, the more I've been thinking about Your heart. I believe the most attractive feature to a woman is faithfulness. Choosing me freely over all others. Not because of my looks, my humor, my things, my persuasion, but rather saying to me I pick you over all the others because I want to be with you and when I'm with you there isn't any other place I'd rather be.

Is that not the same way You feel towards us, Your Children? What is genuine love? Is it based on my understanding of You? Is it based on any conditions at all whatsoever? No. Genuine love is saying to someone I pick You because.

Abba I want to pick You. Give me an undivided heart.

10/20/12

NOOMA Kickball | 006


But I want one
But I need it
I thought You said You loved me

Our perspective is limited. There are things that I don't see that You see. What if we got everything we asked for right when we asked for it?

Would I be happy? Or would I be chasing the wind?

How long till You see that there is a bigger perspective here? You Abba don't live within time. You see the end from the beginning.

For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.
-Jeremiah 29

Do I believe that God is good? Deep in my bones what do I really believe You are like?

May I believe that God is good and that across the street He has something better.

I ask for joy and contentment in all circumstances. Give me Your perspective Jesus.

10/17/12

"I was the lion who forced you to join with Aravis. I was the cat who comforted you among the houses of the dead. I was the lion who drove the jackals from you while you slept. I was the lion who gave the Horses the new strength of fear for the last mile so that you should reach King Lune in time. And I was the lion you do not remember who pushed the boat in which you lay, a child near death, so that it came to shore where a man sat, wakeful at midnight, to receive you."
"Then it was you who wounded Aravis?"
"It was I."
"But what for?"
"Child," said the Voice, "I am telling you your story, not hers. I tell no one any story but his own."
-The Horse and His Boy Chapter 11

Abba You are always with us.

And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.
-Romans 8

This life doesn't always make sense. We can only see from our own perspective. But I do know that You cause everything to work together for the good of Your children. No matter what I get myself into or what this world throws at me I know that You are with me always.
And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.
-Jesus
Most of life doesn't make sense and I usually spend most of my energy trying to guess and predict why You did things and how they will work out. But that isn't how I am suppose to live. I am suppose to come to You every morning with an empty stomach and faith that there will be manna on the ground. I am suppose to step out of the boat and into the water amidst a storm and know that I will be able to stand firm. My mind instantly tries to find reason and purpose in every situation.
"Oh this must be for my discipline"
"Oh this must be a blessing"
"Oh this must be a sign"
"Oh this must be what You want me to do"
But that isn't how life works. That isn't the kind of God You are. Sometimes stuff happens in this life and that's it. As far as my perspective goes. Sometimes You take stuff away and I will never know why. Sometimes You give me things and I never know why. Sometimes pain strikes without purpose or reason from my perspective.

The Purpose of my life isn't to spend it finding purpose. It is to worship You, period. So Jesus, This morning I thank You for another day. I ask for my daily bread. I ask that You forgive me my sins and change me to forgive my offenders. All glory, all honor, all praise to You. Please let Your Kingdom come!

and i ached for my heart like some tin man

The Stable Song - Gregory Alan Isakov

10/13/12

NOOMA Noise | 005


When I was in Africa in the middle of the bush, in the midst of the crocodiles, elephants, hippopotamuses, cape buffalo, warthogs, baboons, kudu, impala, darter, and all the other creations I couldn't identify, the one thing that I really noticed was how unbelievably peaceful it was. It was completely silent. All of these creatures existing with each other without having to say anything to one another.

It made me realize whether I was there or not didn't matter they were just living their lives so beautifully with or without an audience. With every breath, step, blink, bite, they were all glorifying You Jesus. It was like watching a piece of Your original artwork unmodified by humans.

Your sun beaming through Your perfect blue sky falling on Your creation both the animals and the plants. All of them existing perfectly without the help of humans. It made me think about what Your original plan was for the earth. Did You plan on skyscrapers? Did You plan on cars? paved roads, dams, or sewers? The earth, Your creation is completely sustainable without any help from any person. If only we could live with creation and not against it.

It's hard to imagine before all of the luxuries and technologies of today how quite this entire planet would have been. How easily Your voice could have been heard. How we wouldn't be able to hide from You behind media and entertainment. We would simply be in Your creation working Your land peacefully quietly listening to You and Your artwork.

The Lord appeared again to Abraham near the oak grove belonging to Mamre. One day Abraham was sitting at the entrance to his tent during the hottest part of the day. He looked up and noticed three men standing nearby. When he saw them, he ran to meet them and welcomed them, bowing low to the ground.
-Genesis 18

Was it three men or one God?

Anyway, I wonder how peaceful Abraham's tent was. How peaceful that oak grove must have felt. Not a lot of humans on the planet at this time. Simply Abraham, Sarah, their servants, and their livestock. No engines, no motors, no machines, just creation.

Jesus I long to spend time in Your peace. I desire Your will and voice for my life. Help me become more available. Help me spend more time listening for You than worrying.

10/11/12

Last month when I was at the prison talking with two of the men we read out of Psalm 147 and when we got to verse 11 they stopped and asked "why do we have to fear God? How can God be love if we fear Him?"

So I began to show them the heart of God full of forgiveness, grace, mercy, and love. So I told them the story of the prodigal son:

A man had two sons. The younger son told his father, ‘I want my share of your estate now before you die.’ So his father agreed to divide his wealth between his sons. A few days later this younger son packed all his belongings and moved to a distant land, and there he wasted all his money in wild living. About the time his money ran out, a great famine swept over the land, and he began to starve. He persuaded a local farmer to hire him, and the man sent him into his fields to feed the pigs. The young man became so hungry that even the pods he was feeding the pigs looked good to him. But no one gave him anything. When he finally came to his senses, he said to himself, ‘At home even the hired servants have food enough to spare, and here I am dying of hunger! I will go home to my father and say, “Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you, and I am no longer worthy of being called your son. Please take me on as a hired servant.”’ So he returned home to his father. And while he was still a long way off, his father saw him coming. He ran to his son,

Wright, one of the boys in the bible study, interjected and asked, "To beat him?"
my heart sank into my shoes. What sort of model is he basing his idea of God from? Had he ever had one person in his life truly love him? Was his only lens for fathers that of discipline, distance, and anger? I quickly responded no Wright and finished the story.

filled with love and compassion, embraced him, and kissed him. His son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you, and I am no longer worthy of being called your son.’ But his father said to the servants, ‘Quick! Bring the finest robe in the house and put it on him. Get a ring for his finger and sandals for his feet. And kill the calf we have been fattening. We must celebrate with a feast, for this son of mine was dead and has now returned to life. He was lost, but now he is found.’ So the party began.

It reminded me of the time I was in Lifeway reading the Max Lucado books. If only my brothers knew who You really are Jesus. How You really feel towards them. I can't imagine the life that Wright has lived leading up to where he is now and I hardly have any right to speak to them about forgiveness and turning the other cheek in a situation where showing weakness leads to broken jaws and bones. But I trust in Your word and I know Your way is the only way to bring the Kingdom.

Abba this world is so broken, I ask that You'd shine Your light in the darkness we have created.

10/08/12

Watch out! Don’t do your good deeds publicly, to be admired by others, for you will lose the reward from your Father in heaven. When you give to someone in need, don’t do as the hypocrites do—blowing trumpets in the synagogues and streets to call attention to their acts of charity! I tell you the truth, they have received all the reward they will ever get. But when you give to someone in need, don’t let your left hand know what your right hand is doing. Give your gifts in private, and your Father, who sees everything, will reward you.
-Matthew 6

Instead Of A Show - Jon Foreman

10/06/12

NOOMA Sunday | 004


How do I know I actually love You Jesus and not just "doing religion?"

Why Does God Make Love the Priority Command?

Love motivates obedience.
Love motivates perseverance.
Love provides protection.
Love for God empowers love for others.

Identifying True Love

Does God regularly circulate into my thoughts (Ps. 63:6)?
Am I often drawn to spend time with Him (Ps. 27:4)?
Does my life demonstrate a love for God (Rom. 5:8)?
Do I often enjoy God (Ps. 16:11)?
Do I ultimately find relief or satisfaction in obedience (John 14:21)?

-Breaking Free by Beth Moore - Session Nine

You demand love and make it the priority command because without love everything is worthless. Love is everything.

If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing. If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing.
-Paul

Does my life demonstrate a love for God?

“A man planted a fig tree in his garden and came again and again to see if there was any fruit on it, but he was always disappointed. Finally, he said to his gardener, ‘I’ve waited three years, and there hasn’t been a single fig! Cut it down. It’s just taking up space in the garden.’ “The gardener answered, ‘Sir, give it one more chance. Leave it another year, and I’ll give it special attention and plenty of fertilizer. If we get figs next year, fine. If not, then you can cut it down.’”
-Jesus

Does my life bear fruit or am I just taking up space? I want my sacrifices to mean something to You. I want my praise to mean something to You. I want my flowers to come out of the overflow of my heart not of duty.

Yet, time and time again I find myself swallowed in my sin. I trip before I can even start to run the race. I know how to look like a fig tree but do I actually grow figs? Am I just being seen by the right people and doing the right rituals? I want to live for You in secret. I want to live like no one is watching and yet my life is still for You. Every action is pleasing to You and it comes from a place in my heart of joy, delight, and satisfaction.

Wash me of yesterday's sins. Pick me up and dust me off yet again. Today is a new sun rise and today I will live for You. I have been dusted off so many times by You. I am a helpless sinner but I ask that You would find new mercy for me today. That Your patience wouldn't run out. Give me one more chance. Leave me another year. I don't want to just take up space in Your garden.

10/02/12

People who have not been in Narnia sometimes think that a thing cannot be good and terrible at the same time. If the children had ever thought so, they were cured of it now. For when they tried to look at Aslan's face they just caught a glimpse of the golden mane and the great, royal, solemn, overwhelming eyes; and then they found they couldn't look at him and went all trembly.
-The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe Chapter 12

We are told that You are love. We are told to fear You. How can both of these things be possible? Perfect love casts out all fear but yet perfect love is something to be feared itself.

Serve the Lord with reverent fear, and rejoice with trembling.
-Psalm 2:11

I must serve You Abba with reverent fear. But my heart must also be in my actions. For without Love it is all meaningless.

I must rejoice with trembling? Who is like the Lord?

Jesus You are love and You are peace in it's purest form. But You are also Holy unlike anything I can describe and You are entirely awesome. You are both good and terrible at the same time. You are unlike anything.

Father I love You and I can tell you anything and I can come to You any time but You are more than that. You demand respect. Dad is kind and warm hearted but no one messes with dad.

You are both good and terrible. You don't fit into any of the boxes our minds have. You are not a contradiction but rather a big God.

It's difficult to not take You too far in one direction. Sometimes I want You to be my buddy who only loves, allows, and permits but that isn't all of You. Other times I think You are stern, harsh, and disciplinary but that isn't all of You either. You are both. There is a season for everything. A time for gentleness and a time for discipline.

You are ancient. You have always been. Everything in America isn't even 300 years old nothing on earth is anywhere near as old and ancient as You. It's strange to think about. Every building or road or man made structure I've seen in America isn't even 1,000 years old. Not even close. And Jesus only walked the earth 2,000 years ago not to mention the entire time lapse of the OT.

We look with awe in museums at ancient things. We are filled with wonder and mystery as our minds race about what it must have been like in that time. But You are older still. You have always been. You are the God of Adam. You are the God before Adam.

I was thinking about what it would feel like to approach You, considering how ancient You are. Considering Your wisdom and experience. Your holiness and righteousness. I think about how I would feel if I met the pope. Then I consider that he hasn't even been around for 100 years, and he is only a sinful man no better or worse than me yet my heart would still race and I would consider it a terrible experience.

How much more would my encounter with You be? You aren't even comparable to the pope. Who is the pope? Just a man with faults flaws and limits much like myself. But You are faultless, flawless and limitless. Nothing compares to You.

This weekend during the wedding I thought about what the wedding ceremony will be like in the Kingdom of God. How much more glorious it will be. How incomparable to any wedding or any ceremony we have on this earth.

God You are Holy, You are ancient, You are good, You are terrible, and I don't understand any of it.