The second truth of this broken world:
I can't control anything except myself
Even then it's a daily/hourly battle with flesh and capturing thoughts. The only thing I can control, I'm not very good at controlling.
What is stopping a person from one day telling the person who loves them:
Going forward, I need you to know that just because it is not God's plan for me to end up with you does not mean I lied to you and do not care about you. Everything I told you was my heart. I honestly thought that was God's plan. But you see I got too caught up in what I thought God's plan was and trying to make that work, instead of just letting God lead me.
And what can the other person do? They can't force love, they can't control another person. That's it. My eyes begin to open to precisely how powerless I truly am. At that point nothing matters. Feelings, emotions, memories, commitments, words, actions, years, prayers, tears, regrets, improvements, nothing. I am powerless to everything under the sun.
Was this your plan God? To lead her away from my heart? Did I love her too much? Did I place our relationship higher than You? Was this the only way to teach me whatever it is you are teaching me? Why did it feel like Your plan to me and the opposite to her? Did You change Your plan?
All of these questions are useless. I will never get the answers I want and even if I did it wouldn't change anything.
I can't control anything. What's stopping my best friend from telling me they love me for eight years and then one day waking up and telling me they don't? Nothing. What can I do when that happens? Nothing. Why should I extend my heart to someone knowing full well that nothing is keeping them to me? Why should I believe words about love from someone who could the very next day be content never communicating with me for the rest of their life?
Ecclesiastes 10:9
When you work in a quarry,
stones might fall and crush you.
When you chop wood,
there is danger with each stroke of your ax.
There is danger with each stroke of your axe. Likewise, there is danger with each mention of love towards a human.
Ecclesiastes 9:12
People can never predict when hard times might come. Like fish in a net or birds in a trap, people are caught by sudden tragedy.
I am utterly powerless. Pain could happen from any direction at any time. So what am I to do? How am I to live?
Ecclesiastes 5:18
Even so, I have noticed one thing, at least, that is good. It is good for people to eat, drink, and enjoy their work under the sun during the short life God has given them, and to accept their lot in life.
Proverbs 30:7-9
7 O God, I beg two favors from you;
let me have them before I die.
8 First, help me never to tell a lie.
Second, give me neither poverty nor riches!
Give me just enough to satisfy my needs.
9 For if I grow rich, I may deny you and say, “Who is the LORD?”
And if I am too poor, I may steal and thus insult God’s holy name.
Help me, Jesus, to accept my lot in life. Give me just enough to satisfy my needs.
All I need is you