Tuesday, February 5, 2013

02/05/13

When peace like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

I am just following the shepherd
I have to walk it out
Everything is going to be ok
God is good

I know all of this stuff in my heart.

But why am I so anxious?

Why do I feel this pit in my stomach?

Last night after the Monday Night Service Bea and I took a massive birthday card to Linda's house. We made a snowman and placed the card in his arms. Then we ended up talking until 6:00am.

Do I honestly trust in Your goodness?

I guess I don't understand. Why would You put her in my life if You didn't want us together?
What am I suppose to do with these feelings?
Am I wrong for feeling how I do?
How do I change my feelings?

What am I suppose to do? I guess I'm just impatient.
I am back to the question:
I will wait vs Carry on?

What happened to yesterday's peace?
How do I hid myself in the rock of ages cleft for me?

I don't understand what to do. And I don't like feeling this anxious. I wish I could change my feelings. I wish I could trust in You.

I take a few good steps on the water but then I start to sink. What a terrible feeling in my stomach as my ankle goes under.

And yet what beauty in this brokenness. T.V. Books, Internet, nothing satisfies my heart right now. So I turn to You and I pour out my pain and my doubt to You now.

I want to stay close to You, always, no matter the cost, and it seems the more my heart breaks the closer I come to You. It is a hefty yet worthwhile price.

If only I clung to You on the mountain as I do in the valley. My pilgrimages to the valley would become less frequent.

But I never learn and I take another deep fresh drink from Your well of patience.

When sorrows like sea billows roll; it is well, with my soul.

I trust that You are good. I trust that You will always lead me by still waters, that You will always let me rest in green pastures.

Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life,
-Psalm 23:6

So Why am I worrying about this situation? You've got me God. Whatever my lot, it is well with my soul.

I think that love is so much easier than you realize,
If you can give yourself to someone,
Then you should.