Today my brother turns 28.
Agony, agony, agony...it's love.
No other choice.
If someone says, “I love God,” but hates a brother or sister, that person is a liar; for if we don’t love people we can see, how can we love God, whom we cannot see?
-1 John 4:20
God is love.
That’s the way it is. That’s love...you can’t love without waste and mess and sheer undiluted slog. You can’t love without pain. It’s all part of the process.
sheer undiluted slog, that's what if feels like sometimes Abba. But what else can I do? I don't want my words of love towards You to be a lie. But I can’t abandon because I'm chained to the bloody thing, it’s absolutely woven into your soul and I know I can never rest until I've brought truth out of all the distortion and beauty out of all the mess.
It's a pseudo damned if I do, damned if I don't
a Catch 22
a rock and a hard place
It is filed with those questions humans ask like "If God is all loving AND all powerful, then how can there be pain?"
But it is the only way. It must be this way.
If I don't love, if I abandon and quit then my heart, my soul, my being will ache to express the love I suppress. It's woven into my soul! But if I do express the love it is agony, agony, agony, sheer undiluted slog.
Love is a risk.
Without free will there can be no love.
And so the world hangs in this logical contradiction along with my heart.
Do I quit and feel the agony of suppression of soul?
Or do I continue and feel the agony of rejected expression of the soul?
But ultimately does it matter?
God's love NEVER fails. Jesus You will never abandon me. In fact You made a covenant with me sealed in Your body and blood. I know that even though I break that covenant that You cannot. You're ways are higher than mine. You remain faithful even if I do not. You keep Your covenants. I trust that. I stake my faith and life on that.
So what choice do I have? I can run from the pain only to realize that it can find me no matter where I go. Or I can stand up, stand firm, and lean into the pain of love. The beauty of pain.
At the end of the day I know You love me Lord. And if You are for me what can stand against me?
Life is meant to be lived. Life is a risk. Life is an expression of the soul.
I must express my heart. It is woven into my being. The agony of suppression far out weights the agony of rejection.
Isn't that why You created us?
The Avett Brothers - The Weight of Lies
But no matter how much the mess and distortion make you want to despair, you can’t abandon the work because you’re chained to the bloody thing, it’s absolutely woven into your soul and you know you can never rest until you’ve brought truth out of all the distortion and beauty out of all the mess - but it’s agony, agony, agony, - while simultaneously being the most wonderful and rewarding experience in the world - and that’s the creative process which so few people understand. It involves an indestructible sort of fidelity, an insane sort of hope, and indescribable sort of...well, it’s love, isn’t it? There’s no other word for it...and don’t throw Mozart at me...I know he claimed his creative process was no more than a form of automatic writing, but the truth was he sweated and slaved and died young giving birth to all that music. He poured himself out and suffered. That’s the way it is. That’s creation...you can’t create without waste and mess and sheer undiluted slog. You can’t create without pain. It’s all part of the process. It’s in the nature of things
-Absolute Truths by Susan Howatch
Agony, agony, agony...it's love.
No other choice.
If someone says, “I love God,” but hates a brother or sister, that person is a liar; for if we don’t love people we can see, how can we love God, whom we cannot see?
-1 John 4:20
God is love.
That’s the way it is. That’s love...you can’t love without waste and mess and sheer undiluted slog. You can’t love without pain. It’s all part of the process.
sheer undiluted slog, that's what if feels like sometimes Abba. But what else can I do? I don't want my words of love towards You to be a lie. But I can’t abandon because I'm chained to the bloody thing, it’s absolutely woven into your soul and I know I can never rest until I've brought truth out of all the distortion and beauty out of all the mess.
It's a pseudo damned if I do, damned if I don't
a Catch 22
a rock and a hard place
It is filed with those questions humans ask like "If God is all loving AND all powerful, then how can there be pain?"
But it is the only way. It must be this way.
If I don't love, if I abandon and quit then my heart, my soul, my being will ache to express the love I suppress. It's woven into my soul! But if I do express the love it is agony, agony, agony, sheer undiluted slog.
Love is a risk.
Without free will there can be no love.
And so the world hangs in this logical contradiction along with my heart.
Do I quit and feel the agony of suppression of soul?
Or do I continue and feel the agony of rejected expression of the soul?
But ultimately does it matter?
God's love NEVER fails. Jesus You will never abandon me. In fact You made a covenant with me sealed in Your body and blood. I know that even though I break that covenant that You cannot. You're ways are higher than mine. You remain faithful even if I do not. You keep Your covenants. I trust that. I stake my faith and life on that.
So what choice do I have? I can run from the pain only to realize that it can find me no matter where I go. Or I can stand up, stand firm, and lean into the pain of love. The beauty of pain.
At the end of the day I know You love me Lord. And if You are for me what can stand against me?
Life is meant to be lived. Life is a risk. Life is an expression of the soul.
I must express my heart. It is woven into my being. The agony of suppression far out weights the agony of rejection.
Isn't that why You created us?
The Avett Brothers - The Weight of Lies