Last night I heard the sound of tears collecting in her eyes as her voice broke. As I sit there cold and still like an iron statue the only thing I could think of was her.
Is this 2013 or 2006?
Here I am seven years later still the same 17 year old boy.
I finally realized that it had nothing to do with "us" or "her" that the problem wasn't the woman. I am the problem.
On a long enough timeline it doesn't matter who the woman is they will all sound exactly the same.
It has little to do with them and everything to do with being plugged into the system.
Like the Patriots offense, Is it the players that make them great or the system they are all plugged into? When Brady was injured for the 2008 season and Cassel replaced him the answer to the question was answered It's the system.
Unlike Lebron leaving the Cavs or Manning injured for the 2011 Colts season we quickly found out that it was all entirely the player not the system.
What am I suppose to do? How do I fix myself? Why can't I seem to have a healthy relationship that lasts longer than eight months?
Maybe I'm suppose to be single?
Is it pride?
Is it fear?
Is it brokenness?
I'm positive it is all of the above.
So what do I do? Do I work my ass off in counseling spending countless hours and dollars trying to fix myself and drag a woman through it with me just so I can selfishly be happy with someone? Or do I let them go to find a different guy who is healthier and who she can marry in 7 months and live happily ever after with?
It feels selfish to try to work through this stuff. What is my reasoning? Because "I" like her because "I" want to be with her because she makes "me" feel good because she makes "me" laugh
it sounds very selfish. If it really is the system which I now see that it is then it will all end as it began. She'll stick around for 8 or so years being dragged in the mud until she can't take it anymore and marries some other dude.
Is my purpose to show women what not to look for in a husband?
Am I just acting really emo right now? I don't know. What I do know is that I hate it when I make the woman I care about cry and I hate it when I become an emotionless iron statue. Wouldn't then the best thing be for this to end?
Isn't that what she told me? The best way to love me was to "release me to God?" maybe that's the best way to love me for everyone? A constant system of getting to know, then showing wounds then getting scared and finally "release me to God" and repeat.
Beautiful - Matthew Mayfield
Is this 2013 or 2006?
Here I am seven years later still the same 17 year old boy.
I finally realized that it had nothing to do with "us" or "her" that the problem wasn't the woman. I am the problem.
On a long enough timeline it doesn't matter who the woman is they will all sound exactly the same.
It has little to do with them and everything to do with being plugged into the system.
Like the Patriots offense, Is it the players that make them great or the system they are all plugged into? When Brady was injured for the 2008 season and Cassel replaced him the answer to the question was answered It's the system.
Unlike Lebron leaving the Cavs or Manning injured for the 2011 Colts season we quickly found out that it was all entirely the player not the system.
What am I suppose to do? How do I fix myself? Why can't I seem to have a healthy relationship that lasts longer than eight months?
Maybe I'm suppose to be single?
Is it pride?
Is it fear?
Is it brokenness?
I'm positive it is all of the above.
So what do I do? Do I work my ass off in counseling spending countless hours and dollars trying to fix myself and drag a woman through it with me just so I can selfishly be happy with someone? Or do I let them go to find a different guy who is healthier and who she can marry in 7 months and live happily ever after with?
It feels selfish to try to work through this stuff. What is my reasoning? Because "I" like her because "I" want to be with her because she makes "me" feel good because she makes "me" laugh
it sounds very selfish. If it really is the system which I now see that it is then it will all end as it began. She'll stick around for 8 or so years being dragged in the mud until she can't take it anymore and marries some other dude.
Is my purpose to show women what not to look for in a husband?
Am I just acting really emo right now? I don't know. What I do know is that I hate it when I make the woman I care about cry and I hate it when I become an emotionless iron statue. Wouldn't then the best thing be for this to end?
Isn't that what she told me? The best way to love me was to "release me to God?" maybe that's the best way to love me for everyone? A constant system of getting to know, then showing wounds then getting scared and finally "release me to God" and repeat.
Beautiful - Matthew Mayfield