From the book: For Men Only
Our surface understanding.
1) Women need to feel loved
2) Women are emotional
3) Women want security
4) She doesn't want you to fix it; she just wants you to listen
6) She wants to look attractive
What it means in practice.
1) Even if your relationship is great, your mate likely has a fundamental insecurity about your love and when that insecurity is triggered she may respond in ways that confuse or dismay you until she feels reassured
2) Women deal with multiple thoughts and emotions from their past and present all the time, at the same time and these can't be easily dismissed
3) Your woman needs emotional security and closeness with you so much that she will endure financial insecurity to get it.
4) WHen she is sharing an emotional problem, her feelings and her desire to be heard are much more important than the problem itself
6) Inside your smart, secure wife lives a little girl who deeply needs to know that you find her beautiful and that you only have eyes for her
1) Hidden triggers:
Conflict
Withdrawal
Silence
Her emotional bank account is depleted
You're absent a lot
Unresolved relationship issues
Guide to turning off warning lights:
In the face of insecurity, reassure her
Even after you've caught her, continue to pursue her
Part 1: Regular Reassurance
-During conflict, reassure her of your love
-When you need space, reassure her that it's not about her
-If she's upset, realize she doesn't need space, she needs a hug
-If she needs to talk about the relationship, do your best to listen without becoming defensive
-If she is being difficult, don't stop keep reassuring her of your love
Part 2: Persistent Pursuit
-Act like you are dating and pursuing ALWAYS
-Always pursue
2)Sequential strategies for sequential minds
1 Rethink your assumptions about how she thinks
2 Realize you may not be the issue, even though you're affected by the issue
3 Be her hero and help her clear those distracting or painful windows so they don't keep coming back
3)Money talks but emotional security sings
What security means to her
-she feels that the two of you are close
-she sees that you make time together a priority
-she sees your commitment to her
-she sees that you are active in the life of the home
-she sees you making an effort to provide as long as that doesn't crowd out the 4 above
Postcard From 1952 - Explosions in The Sky
Our surface understanding.
1) Women need to feel loved
2) Women are emotional
3) Women want security
4) She doesn't want you to fix it; she just wants you to listen
6) She wants to look attractive
What it means in practice.
1) Even if your relationship is great, your mate likely has a fundamental insecurity about your love and when that insecurity is triggered she may respond in ways that confuse or dismay you until she feels reassured
2) Women deal with multiple thoughts and emotions from their past and present all the time, at the same time and these can't be easily dismissed
3) Your woman needs emotional security and closeness with you so much that she will endure financial insecurity to get it.
4) WHen she is sharing an emotional problem, her feelings and her desire to be heard are much more important than the problem itself
6) Inside your smart, secure wife lives a little girl who deeply needs to know that you find her beautiful and that you only have eyes for her
1) Hidden triggers:
Conflict
Withdrawal
Silence
Her emotional bank account is depleted
You're absent a lot
Unresolved relationship issues
Guide to turning off warning lights:
In the face of insecurity, reassure her
Even after you've caught her, continue to pursue her
Part 1: Regular Reassurance
-During conflict, reassure her of your love
-When you need space, reassure her that it's not about her
-If she's upset, realize she doesn't need space, she needs a hug
-If she needs to talk about the relationship, do your best to listen without becoming defensive
-If she is being difficult, don't stop keep reassuring her of your love
Part 2: Persistent Pursuit
-Act like you are dating and pursuing ALWAYS
-Always pursue
2)Sequential strategies for sequential minds
1 Rethink your assumptions about how she thinks
2 Realize you may not be the issue, even though you're affected by the issue
3 Be her hero and help her clear those distracting or painful windows so they don't keep coming back
3)Money talks but emotional security sings
What security means to her
-she feels that the two of you are close
-she sees that you make time together a priority
-she sees your commitment to her
-she sees that you are active in the life of the home
-she sees you making an effort to provide as long as that doesn't crowd out the 4 above
Postcard From 1952 - Explosions in The Sky