Humility is power under control.
The mask I wear is one of apathy which comes from anger which comes from stubbornness which comes from pride.
Why do I wear this mask?
Why am I scared to take it off?
If I remove my mask, who am I? What's left?
You must not convict anyone of a crime on the testimony of only one witness. The facts of the case must be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.
-Deuteronomy 19
Growing up we are created to believe what our parents say about our worth. We are created to trust that we are enough, that we are wonderful, that we are loved. But if I hold apathy towards my parents, if their testimony holds no water in my eyes, then this system of love is broken down.
Thus my mask was forged.
My mask defines my worth, my mask is my own view of my worth. But one witness isn't enough. So I spend my life searching for the second witness.
If it isn't my parents,
If it isn't women,
If it isn't friends,
I spend this life walking the earth asking: Am I worthy?
People struggling with anorexia aren't striving to be thin.
They are running from being fat.
If we spend out lives running from we will never reach our destination.
The weight of lies will bring you down
And follow you to every town 'cause
Nothing happens here that doesn't happen there
When you run make sure you run
To something and not away from 'cause
Lies don't need an aeroplane to chase you anywhere
-The Avett Brothers
If I am running from taking off my mask then I will never get to reality.
If the fear is financial security then no number in the bank account will be enough.
If the fear is obesity then no number on the scale will be enough.
If the fear is originality then no number of followers will be enough.
Even in literature and art, no man who bothers about originality will ever be original: whereas if you simply try to tell the truth (without caring twopence how often it has been told before) you will, nine times out of ten, become original without ever having noticed it.
-C. S. Lewis
If I hold apathy and pride towards the opinions of others love for me I will forever run from being mundane.
If I am not original then I am not special
If I am not special then I am not important
If I am not important then I am not different
If I am not different then I am a drop in the ocean
If I am a drop in the ocean what is the point of me?
What is the value of me?
Thus the deep root of this weed that is my mask is revealed.
What if I take off this mask of being stubborn, being handsome, being funny, being popular, being original, being Zack Morris, Brad Pitt? What's left? What value is there to me? Who am I?
I have a fear of failure.
If I try then I risk
If I risk I could fail
If I fail then I am not perfect
If I am not perfect then I am not successful
If I am not successful then I am not original...
Suddenly I begin to see that all of these weeds in the garden of my heart as I pull them from the soil connect to the same root.
if I do not stand out then I am insignificant.
The paradox is that if I try to seek fame, if I try to seek originality, as Lewis says: no man who bothers about originality will ever be original.
Renown is can never truly be sought but rather earned.
If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it.
-Matthew 16
The interesting paradox is if you care about fame you will live a life of fear always running from insignificance. However if you do not care about fame how would you become famous merely living your mundane life?
Speak softly and carry a big stick; you will go far.
the iron fist in the velvet glove.
Big dogs don't need to bark.
The paradox of losing your life in order to find it baffles and yet captivates me.
It goes against everything my logical mind tell me.
In order to float you must not flail.
Listen up, maggots. You are not special. You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake. You're the same decaying organic matter as everything else.
It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything.
You're not your job. You're not how much money you have in the bank. You're not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet. You're not your fucking khakis. You're the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world.
-Tyler Durden
It is my biggest fear. It is the reason I can't take off the Zack Morris, Brad Pitt, Stubborn mask. What if I am not a beautiful or unique snowflake? What if I am the same decaying organic matter as everything else?
But what if I surrender?
What if I surrender to God? What if I decide to take off the mask, What if I come to terms with this idea that I am a drop in the ocean? What if come to terms with the idea I am the same decaying organic matter as everything else?
I love fight club for this very reason, Its probably the genesis of my love for Brad Pitt. This idea of hitting rock bottom, this idea of giving up, this idea of not caring about anything and simply existing, this idea of being free completely free, free from materialism, free from money, free from opinions, free from everything, to peel it all back and find the raw ugly truth of reality.
Tyler Durden: Shut up! Our fathers were our models for God. If our fathers bailed, what does that tell you about God?
Narrator: No, no, I... don't...
Tyler Durden: Listen to me! You have to consider the possibility that God does not like you. He never wanted you. In all probability, he hates you. This is not the worst thing that can happen.
Narrator: It isn't?
Tyler Durden: We don't need him!
This is where Tyler and I differ in our theology. I love all of this teachings and ideas but his perception of God is warped by our fathers. But the interesting truth about this scene is that it reveals how masks are formed.
At Least, it explains how my mask was formed more than 20 years ago.
If my parents bailed, or rather didn't show me the love I require as an image bearer of God then I don't need them. Then apathy is formed, then anger is planted, then stubbornness sprouts.
Wounds are usually formed not out of anger, apathy, or hatred but rather out of love and caring! It is from loving too much and getting burned that we say "Fine I didn't care anyway" apathy comes from cognitive dissonance.
It is the story of The Fox and the Grapes. If God does not like me, If God doesn't want me, if God hates me, I DON'T NEED HIM!
It is an all to common wound found in atheists.
Control freaks
perfectionists
mask wearers
...me
The beauty of Tyler Durden is that he was created by a homosexual atheist named Chuck Palahniuk. This truth and wisdom through this character has brought me closer and closer to God.
Last night I was up watching Netflix, specifically the film Conan O'Brien Can't Stop.
In the film there is a scene as he is driving the camera man and him are engaged in a conversation. Conan talks about his need to get back in the spotlight, about how he can't stand not being on TV during the conversation the man holding the camera asks this profound question:
Do you think you could have fun without an audience in front of you?
Conan sits staring straight ahead as he's driving...the scene holds and its completely silent.
I never thought about the brokenness of celebrities before... It made me think about Michael Jordan, Brett Favre...what happens when these people who wear masks of worth from audiences have to stop... can they still have fun without the spotlight?
I started to think about the kids in my class.
Are there kids in my class that seek and starve for my attention, yes.
Are there kids in my class that don't need my attention, yes.
Is one group worth more in my opinion? Hell no!
Do they both gain my attention? yes but in two very different ways.
The former gain my attention through strife and nagging
The latter gain my attention through originality and uniqueness
There are problem children who do not listen who do their own thing
There are also children who listen and don't cause a scence.
Do I notice them both? yes
But for two very different reasons.
One is because I must constantly correct and discipline
The other because they are selected as the line leader, they get called to eat lunch first, they are rewarded.
It's as if not seeking attention gains them this beautiful attention and those seeking attention gains them this different attention...
Are we any different to our Father in heaven? Is one worth more in God's opinion? Hell no!
I look at the life of Jesus,
He spent His time on earth telling people He healed not to tell anyone.
He spent His time giving these strange teachings about eating Him and how we must desire to walk down death row.
He spent his life serving, not caring a bit for fame...
He is the most famous person in all of history...
The upsidedown Kingdom.
Looking at the example of the trinity:
This is my dearly loved Son, who brings me great joy.
-The Father
It is best for you that I go away, because if I don’t, the Advocate won’t come. If I do go away, then I will send him to you.
-The Son
But I will send you the Advocate—the Spirit of truth. He will come to you from the Father and will testify all about me.
-The Holy Spirit
So The Father glorifies the Spirit and Son
The Son glorifies the Father and Spirit
The Spirit glorifies the Son and Father
perfect love not seeking its own but selfless love in it's purest holiest perfect form.
Our model for love, God, who is love.
How do I take off the mask?
It is only after I trust the witness of God that I have great worth that I can remove this mask.
It is only after I lose my life that I will find it.
The facts of the case must be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.
-Deuteronomy 19
Humility is power under control.
Maxence Cyrin - Where Is My Mind
The mask I wear is one of apathy which comes from anger which comes from stubbornness which comes from pride.
Why do I wear this mask?
Why am I scared to take it off?
If I remove my mask, who am I? What's left?
You must not convict anyone of a crime on the testimony of only one witness. The facts of the case must be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.
-Deuteronomy 19
Growing up we are created to believe what our parents say about our worth. We are created to trust that we are enough, that we are wonderful, that we are loved. But if I hold apathy towards my parents, if their testimony holds no water in my eyes, then this system of love is broken down.
Thus my mask was forged.
My mask defines my worth, my mask is my own view of my worth. But one witness isn't enough. So I spend my life searching for the second witness.
If it isn't my parents,
If it isn't women,
If it isn't friends,
I spend this life walking the earth asking: Am I worthy?
People struggling with anorexia aren't striving to be thin.
They are running from being fat.
If we spend out lives running from we will never reach our destination.
The weight of lies will bring you down
And follow you to every town 'cause
Nothing happens here that doesn't happen there
When you run make sure you run
To something and not away from 'cause
Lies don't need an aeroplane to chase you anywhere
-The Avett Brothers
If I am running from taking off my mask then I will never get to reality.
If the fear is financial security then no number in the bank account will be enough.
If the fear is obesity then no number on the scale will be enough.
If the fear is originality then no number of followers will be enough.
Even in literature and art, no man who bothers about originality will ever be original: whereas if you simply try to tell the truth (without caring twopence how often it has been told before) you will, nine times out of ten, become original without ever having noticed it.
-C. S. Lewis
If I hold apathy and pride towards the opinions of others love for me I will forever run from being mundane.
If I am not original then I am not special
If I am not special then I am not important
If I am not important then I am not different
If I am not different then I am a drop in the ocean
If I am a drop in the ocean what is the point of me?
What is the value of me?
Thus the deep root of this weed that is my mask is revealed.
What if I take off this mask of being stubborn, being handsome, being funny, being popular, being original, being Zack Morris, Brad Pitt? What's left? What value is there to me? Who am I?
I have a fear of failure.
If I try then I risk
If I risk I could fail
If I fail then I am not perfect
If I am not perfect then I am not successful
If I am not successful then I am not original...
Suddenly I begin to see that all of these weeds in the garden of my heart as I pull them from the soil connect to the same root.
if I do not stand out then I am insignificant.
The paradox is that if I try to seek fame, if I try to seek originality, as Lewis says: no man who bothers about originality will ever be original.
Renown is can never truly be sought but rather earned.
If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it.
-Matthew 16
The interesting paradox is if you care about fame you will live a life of fear always running from insignificance. However if you do not care about fame how would you become famous merely living your mundane life?
Speak softly and carry a big stick; you will go far.
the iron fist in the velvet glove.
Big dogs don't need to bark.
The paradox of losing your life in order to find it baffles and yet captivates me.
It goes against everything my logical mind tell me.
In order to float you must not flail.
Listen up, maggots. You are not special. You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake. You're the same decaying organic matter as everything else.
It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything.
You're not your job. You're not how much money you have in the bank. You're not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet. You're not your fucking khakis. You're the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world.
-Tyler Durden
It is my biggest fear. It is the reason I can't take off the Zack Morris, Brad Pitt, Stubborn mask. What if I am not a beautiful or unique snowflake? What if I am the same decaying organic matter as everything else?
But what if I surrender?
What if I surrender to God? What if I decide to take off the mask, What if I come to terms with this idea that I am a drop in the ocean? What if come to terms with the idea I am the same decaying organic matter as everything else?
I love fight club for this very reason, Its probably the genesis of my love for Brad Pitt. This idea of hitting rock bottom, this idea of giving up, this idea of not caring about anything and simply existing, this idea of being free completely free, free from materialism, free from money, free from opinions, free from everything, to peel it all back and find the raw ugly truth of reality.
Tyler Durden: Shut up! Our fathers were our models for God. If our fathers bailed, what does that tell you about God?
Narrator: No, no, I... don't...
Tyler Durden: Listen to me! You have to consider the possibility that God does not like you. He never wanted you. In all probability, he hates you. This is not the worst thing that can happen.
Narrator: It isn't?
Tyler Durden: We don't need him!
At Least, it explains how my mask was formed more than 20 years ago.
If my parents bailed, or rather didn't show me the love I require as an image bearer of God then I don't need them. Then apathy is formed, then anger is planted, then stubbornness sprouts.
Wounds are usually formed not out of anger, apathy, or hatred but rather out of love and caring! It is from loving too much and getting burned that we say "Fine I didn't care anyway" apathy comes from cognitive dissonance.
It is the story of The Fox and the Grapes. If God does not like me, If God doesn't want me, if God hates me, I DON'T NEED HIM!
It is an all to common wound found in atheists.
Control freaks
perfectionists
mask wearers
...me
The beauty of Tyler Durden is that he was created by a homosexual atheist named Chuck Palahniuk. This truth and wisdom through this character has brought me closer and closer to God.
Last night I was up watching Netflix, specifically the film Conan O'Brien Can't Stop.
In the film there is a scene as he is driving the camera man and him are engaged in a conversation. Conan talks about his need to get back in the spotlight, about how he can't stand not being on TV during the conversation the man holding the camera asks this profound question:
Do you think you could have fun without an audience in front of you?
Conan sits staring straight ahead as he's driving...the scene holds and its completely silent.
I never thought about the brokenness of celebrities before... It made me think about Michael Jordan, Brett Favre...what happens when these people who wear masks of worth from audiences have to stop... can they still have fun without the spotlight?
I started to think about the kids in my class.
Are there kids in my class that seek and starve for my attention, yes.
Are there kids in my class that don't need my attention, yes.
Is one group worth more in my opinion? Hell no!
Do they both gain my attention? yes but in two very different ways.
The former gain my attention through strife and nagging
The latter gain my attention through originality and uniqueness
There are problem children who do not listen who do their own thing
There are also children who listen and don't cause a scence.
Do I notice them both? yes
But for two very different reasons.
One is because I must constantly correct and discipline
The other because they are selected as the line leader, they get called to eat lunch first, they are rewarded.
It's as if not seeking attention gains them this beautiful attention and those seeking attention gains them this different attention...
Are we any different to our Father in heaven? Is one worth more in God's opinion? Hell no!
I look at the life of Jesus,
He spent His time on earth telling people He healed not to tell anyone.
He spent His time giving these strange teachings about eating Him and how we must desire to walk down death row.
He spent his life serving, not caring a bit for fame...
He is the most famous person in all of history...
The upsidedown Kingdom.
Looking at the example of the trinity:
This is my dearly loved Son, who brings me great joy.
-The Father
It is best for you that I go away, because if I don’t, the Advocate won’t come. If I do go away, then I will send him to you.
-The Son
But I will send you the Advocate—the Spirit of truth. He will come to you from the Father and will testify all about me.
-The Holy Spirit
So The Father glorifies the Spirit and Son
The Son glorifies the Father and Spirit
The Spirit glorifies the Son and Father
perfect love not seeking its own but selfless love in it's purest holiest perfect form.
Our model for love, God, who is love.
How do I take off the mask?
It is only after I trust the witness of God that I have great worth that I can remove this mask.
It is only after I lose my life that I will find it.
The facts of the case must be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.
-Deuteronomy 19
Humility is power under control.
Maxence Cyrin - Where Is My Mind