As I got closer to the house I recognized the menorah-ish lights near the front door. I had awkwardly approached at the same time as another group. The people in front of me were warmly welcomed then the man standing at the door met my eyes and simply said, "hi what's your name?"
Adam
nice to meet you Adam
I slipped off my shoes just then behind me entered Jen and a sigh of relief hit me. Someone I know. We exchanged greetings she seemed pleased to see me. I shuffled past everyone and found a seat on that white couch Bea and Rachel had sat in last time. I kept thinking to myself, I need to be comfortable being uncomfortable. I was definitely uncomfortable. A woman named Pam (I think) sat and spoke with me for a bit but ditched me once some other people she knew came through the door. I continued to sit by myself. A group of men greeted each other in front of me. As my face was crotch height feeling completely ignored I knew how the soft red pillows resting behind me felt. I stood up to avoid this awkward position and I fought off the urges to be cynical I reminded myself again it is good to be uncomfortable. These are people who love Jesus and Jesus loves them. Finally a man named Justin acknowledged my existence we spoke for a bit then I met another man and his name was Justin also. He said he attends the vineyard and we started to connect at least with that bit in common. He invited me to the kitchen for coffee. When we returned to the living room to start worship he offered to sit next to me. I noticed the seat by Agnes was taken a sign of relief came over me. At least she can't call me to sit by her this time I thought. The only two open seats were in the front nearest to Bill so Justin and I took our seats. Some dude named Tommy was visiting from Chicago and lead worship.
I closed my eyes and tried to experience the Holy Spirit. People were reading scriptures periodically throughout and in between songs. The evening was going well and I was enjoying simply being still. Agnes began to speak about the Holy Spirit she mentioned God filling all of us, our hearts, our bones, our nervous system. She spoke about us being new creations and embracing that. I didn't realize but my eyes were locked on hers as she spoke. Then she spoke the word "surrender" and my heart really felt God speaking in that word. In that moment Agnes stopped talking and locked eyes on me and told everyone I needed prayer...
my heart stopped, my face flushed red, how embarrassing, is this really happening again? In seconds I am surrounded by strangers, their hands all over me. I feel Justin turn beside me placing one hand on my chest the other on my back and he begins to pray. Everyone is praying. I can't even hear them, all I am thinking is how ridiculous this is that Agnes called me out again. Finally the prayer ended and I was out of the wooods. I looked at the chair next to Agnes and it was still occupied, I knew the worst was over.
"Young man come kneel at my feet, I have a word to speak over you" Agnes said dead locked on my eyes... At this point I'm beyond embarrassed, I'm beyond uncomfortable, I'm beyond awkward and I think to myself
eh, what the hell, I guess I'll sit at the feet of this 85 year old stranger. She grabs my face at the jaw I feel my beard rest in her hands and she begins to speak of my worth and God's love towards me. Somewhere in the middle of her words I am reminded of the word "surrender" and in an instant I just let go...fuck it I think to myself, so I'm kneeling before some old lady in a house full of strangers, I might as well stop fearing how I look and see what sort of thing God has for me. I am less than inches from her nose and I stay locked on her eyes. It was powerful. I return to my seat and at this point I'm at the "surrender" point. So I speak up and I tell them when Agnes spoke the word surrender it really struck me.
Tommy turns to me and confesses he had gotten a word for me during worship and he tells me his vision of me being surrounded by boulders with no way out. He tells me he saw God's light lift me from that place and free me. Then he said he saw me helping others stuck in their boulders. He said he saw my hands turning red hot as I touched boulders imprisoning others and setting them free.
As he spoke this word over me I was reminded of my conversation Monday night. How I had stood listening and hugging how she told me she felt God's love through me. I told the room about this experience and everyone was amazed at how the Spirit at spoken to me.
Frankly I couldn't believe it and I was pissed that I got called out again. Why can't I just sit and worship the two times I've gone to this thing.
Then the man playing the djembe looked at me and told me to write all this down. What happened tonight. He said to write it down to know and confirm this happened that the Spirit had layed out a vision for my life of removing boulders in the lives of others.
so here I am, writing this weird instance out.
Afterwards we prayed for Tommy and a married couple for their trip to Israel.
Then as I was getting ready to leave Justin and Justin started talking to me and we had an incredible conversation. In the midst of it I realized I came here uncomfortable and awkward expecting to be a fly on the wall, but here I am connecting with these guys and receiving a word from the Holy Spirit.
That was a weird experience. I'm not sure how I feel about the whole thing but there I wrote it down...
WALK THE MOON - Iscariot
Adam
nice to meet you Adam
I slipped off my shoes just then behind me entered Jen and a sigh of relief hit me. Someone I know. We exchanged greetings she seemed pleased to see me. I shuffled past everyone and found a seat on that white couch Bea and Rachel had sat in last time. I kept thinking to myself, I need to be comfortable being uncomfortable. I was definitely uncomfortable. A woman named Pam (I think) sat and spoke with me for a bit but ditched me once some other people she knew came through the door. I continued to sit by myself. A group of men greeted each other in front of me. As my face was crotch height feeling completely ignored I knew how the soft red pillows resting behind me felt. I stood up to avoid this awkward position and I fought off the urges to be cynical I reminded myself again it is good to be uncomfortable. These are people who love Jesus and Jesus loves them. Finally a man named Justin acknowledged my existence we spoke for a bit then I met another man and his name was Justin also. He said he attends the vineyard and we started to connect at least with that bit in common. He invited me to the kitchen for coffee. When we returned to the living room to start worship he offered to sit next to me. I noticed the seat by Agnes was taken a sign of relief came over me. At least she can't call me to sit by her this time I thought. The only two open seats were in the front nearest to Bill so Justin and I took our seats. Some dude named Tommy was visiting from Chicago and lead worship.
I closed my eyes and tried to experience the Holy Spirit. People were reading scriptures periodically throughout and in between songs. The evening was going well and I was enjoying simply being still. Agnes began to speak about the Holy Spirit she mentioned God filling all of us, our hearts, our bones, our nervous system. She spoke about us being new creations and embracing that. I didn't realize but my eyes were locked on hers as she spoke. Then she spoke the word "surrender" and my heart really felt God speaking in that word. In that moment Agnes stopped talking and locked eyes on me and told everyone I needed prayer...
my heart stopped, my face flushed red, how embarrassing, is this really happening again? In seconds I am surrounded by strangers, their hands all over me. I feel Justin turn beside me placing one hand on my chest the other on my back and he begins to pray. Everyone is praying. I can't even hear them, all I am thinking is how ridiculous this is that Agnes called me out again. Finally the prayer ended and I was out of the wooods. I looked at the chair next to Agnes and it was still occupied, I knew the worst was over.
"Young man come kneel at my feet, I have a word to speak over you" Agnes said dead locked on my eyes... At this point I'm beyond embarrassed, I'm beyond uncomfortable, I'm beyond awkward and I think to myself
eh, what the hell, I guess I'll sit at the feet of this 85 year old stranger. She grabs my face at the jaw I feel my beard rest in her hands and she begins to speak of my worth and God's love towards me. Somewhere in the middle of her words I am reminded of the word "surrender" and in an instant I just let go...fuck it I think to myself, so I'm kneeling before some old lady in a house full of strangers, I might as well stop fearing how I look and see what sort of thing God has for me. I am less than inches from her nose and I stay locked on her eyes. It was powerful. I return to my seat and at this point I'm at the "surrender" point. So I speak up and I tell them when Agnes spoke the word surrender it really struck me.
Tommy turns to me and confesses he had gotten a word for me during worship and he tells me his vision of me being surrounded by boulders with no way out. He tells me he saw God's light lift me from that place and free me. Then he said he saw me helping others stuck in their boulders. He said he saw my hands turning red hot as I touched boulders imprisoning others and setting them free.
As he spoke this word over me I was reminded of my conversation Monday night. How I had stood listening and hugging how she told me she felt God's love through me. I told the room about this experience and everyone was amazed at how the Spirit at spoken to me.
Frankly I couldn't believe it and I was pissed that I got called out again. Why can't I just sit and worship the two times I've gone to this thing.
Then the man playing the djembe looked at me and told me to write all this down. What happened tonight. He said to write it down to know and confirm this happened that the Spirit had layed out a vision for my life of removing boulders in the lives of others.
so here I am, writing this weird instance out.
Afterwards we prayed for Tommy and a married couple for their trip to Israel.
Then as I was getting ready to leave Justin and Justin started talking to me and we had an incredible conversation. In the midst of it I realized I came here uncomfortable and awkward expecting to be a fly on the wall, but here I am connecting with these guys and receiving a word from the Holy Spirit.
That was a weird experience. I'm not sure how I feel about the whole thing but there I wrote it down...
WALK THE MOON - Iscariot