Daylight Saving Time ended last night.
We are now beginning the hardest time of the year for me.
I think Seasonal affective disorder is a very real thing.
I need the sun, it does something to me.
If that means my life is impacted by that star in space, then so be it
astrology has a leg to stand on I suppose.
There was a moment last week where I thought I had lost my wallet. I've only lost my wallet once in my life that was my senior year of college drunk after the mirror lake jump.
This time when I realized it, I called the bars I had been to. I checked all the pants and places in my house. I started to think about the things in my wallet, how would I replace them? How do I cancel all my cards? Do I ever remember half the stuff in my wallet?
I'd have to buy a new wallet, I think this is the only wallet I've ever owned...
Then I found it in my car right before I started to drive downtown.
I literally picked it up and kissed my wallet.
I was so happy to have it.
Then I started thinking how strange that feeling was.
For the past 10 years and more I've woken up with my wallet but I never even consider to kiss it.
And logically the same thing happened this day. My wallet was safely in my car where I sometimes keep it.
But why was I happier to see it this time? Why did I kiss my wallet? I never do that.
I thought it was lost but now it was found.
My mind can't help but think about the parable of the prodigal father.
That moment running to his son and kissing him throwing rings and robes on the guy.
Why not throw a party for the older brother who was never lost?
Why not wake up every morning and kiss my wallet for still being there?
The value and importance of my wallet didn't change. There wasn't anything more important in it when it wasn't around. But it's value that has always existed was brought to my consciousness it was in the forefront of my mind.
and I kissed it.
and it turned my day into a very good one.
How many things in my life right now do I have that if I lost them I would be devastated
and I don't kiss them every day.
My friends,
My job,
My sight,
My health
I have so many things that are so much more important than a replaceable wallet filled with material stuff.
No kiss, no sigh of relief when it is still there, no celebration, no fatted calf.
How strange.
Yes I am thankful to be alive, yes it is rare and all that but it isn't until I total my car and walk away from it that I even actually consider the fucking gift of being alive one more day truly is.
I don't like that.
How do I live with gratitude.
Real gratitude.
How do I keep the feeling when I find my little wallet alive day in and day out?
This is why people look back on their lives and have so much regret and wasted time.
Why did I watch every episode of that show on netflix?
Why did I go to bed early?
Why did I stay at that job?
Why did I not take that risk?
How do we live with the awareness that we are each minute closer to the end of our lives?
Everyone I know will die, and I don't know when.
Anyway, I'm glad I found my wallet.
Bon Iver - 33 "GOD"
We are now beginning the hardest time of the year for me.
I think Seasonal affective disorder is a very real thing.
I need the sun, it does something to me.
If that means my life is impacted by that star in space, then so be it
astrology has a leg to stand on I suppose.
There was a moment last week where I thought I had lost my wallet. I've only lost my wallet once in my life that was my senior year of college drunk after the mirror lake jump.
This time when I realized it, I called the bars I had been to. I checked all the pants and places in my house. I started to think about the things in my wallet, how would I replace them? How do I cancel all my cards? Do I ever remember half the stuff in my wallet?
I'd have to buy a new wallet, I think this is the only wallet I've ever owned...
Then I found it in my car right before I started to drive downtown.
I literally picked it up and kissed my wallet.
I was so happy to have it.
Then I started thinking how strange that feeling was.
For the past 10 years and more I've woken up with my wallet but I never even consider to kiss it.
And logically the same thing happened this day. My wallet was safely in my car where I sometimes keep it.
But why was I happier to see it this time? Why did I kiss my wallet? I never do that.
I thought it was lost but now it was found.
My mind can't help but think about the parable of the prodigal father.
That moment running to his son and kissing him throwing rings and robes on the guy.
Why not throw a party for the older brother who was never lost?
Why not wake up every morning and kiss my wallet for still being there?
The value and importance of my wallet didn't change. There wasn't anything more important in it when it wasn't around. But it's value that has always existed was brought to my consciousness it was in the forefront of my mind.
and I kissed it.
and it turned my day into a very good one.
How many things in my life right now do I have that if I lost them I would be devastated
and I don't kiss them every day.
My friends,
My job,
My sight,
My health
I have so many things that are so much more important than a replaceable wallet filled with material stuff.
No kiss, no sigh of relief when it is still there, no celebration, no fatted calf.
How strange.
Yes I am thankful to be alive, yes it is rare and all that but it isn't until I total my car and walk away from it that I even actually consider the fucking gift of being alive one more day truly is.
I don't like that.
How do I live with gratitude.
Real gratitude.
How do I keep the feeling when I find my little wallet alive day in and day out?
This is why people look back on their lives and have so much regret and wasted time.
Why did I watch every episode of that show on netflix?
Why did I go to bed early?
Why did I stay at that job?
Why did I not take that risk?
How do we live with the awareness that we are each minute closer to the end of our lives?
Everyone I know will die, and I don't know when.
Anyway, I'm glad I found my wallet.
Bon Iver - 33 "GOD"