A Priority School is one that ranks in the lowest 5 percent of schools in Ohio in student academic performance. To help it improve, the Ohio Department of Education gives each Priority School its highest level of support and monitoring. Ohio Department of Education transformation specialists will coach, support and monitor each Priority School and its district through a visit to the building a minimum of once a month. The Priority School’s district will be directed to assign district staff to help facilitate the Ohio Improvement Process and help implement the Priority School’s improvement plan.
According to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics in 2017 2.3% of preschool and kindergarten teachers are men.
I'm a male teacher in a priority school. I am part of 2.3% of my industry working in the bottom 5% of my industry in my state.
I'm thinking about this because of how my day ended on Friday. I have a student in my class...well actually many students in my class who are very emotional...and all of them are boys. This student aggravates me and brings me to my wits end. Friday I raised my voice in frustration at him and was very aggressive as he was leaving my class I pointed at the door and told him to leave my classroom...and he pushed me (attempted)...and I haven't stopped thinking about that moment. My initial reaction was the write him up and get him suspended because a teacher should not allow a student to ever be seen putting there hands on them and should not have a power struggle...but then I thought about the way I was acting the behavior I was modeling towards this child. Every message I sent him through my body language and my words told him to push me told him to return aggression with aggression.
He wasn't in the wrong, he's a child...I was in the wrong in my frustration being crunched for time between showing student academic growth, completing all district deadlines and reports, and feeling as if these emotional boys are running my classroom rather than the other way around I modeled an incorrect unhealthy behavior to the situation. As an adult around children everything I do I am teaching them something...and I taught him something very wrong.
This morning as I sip coffee and sit here reflecting on that moment I'm attempting to pull the thread of every antecedent of every emotional breakdown of every boy in my classroom. I think these past few months I've been getting frustrated and feeling inadequate next to my two female co teachers. Why don't they have these problem? How did I get all the emotional boys in my classroom and they don't seem to have any?
The state has labeled my school and thus my class as a priority...as the bottom 5% I don't believe or buy that shit for a second and I want to prove to the state that these kids are just as (if not better) than those A rated suburban mother fuckers and so I push, hard, and I lose sight, I lose focus. I want all of my students to have as many opportunities as possible when they become adults and I know reading is the first step to opening ANY door. And I know I hold the key to the foundation of that first step towards ANY door. I need to make sure every student is equipped before they take their next step into first grade.
But at what cost? These kids can't see the value of my motivation, the purpose for the push...They see an adult...they see an adult male...some of them I know their home life and I don't want to turn this into a there is no father in the picture so I need to be the father figure sort of bullshit because that's not the case most have their father in the picture to some degree. But what I am is another male figure in their life. I am a way for their brains their perceptions to either confirm what the other adults are modeling in their lives or to give them a new perspective.
If their parents are aggressive and I am aggressive...I'm confirming adults are aggressive and the way to solve problems with peers is aggression.
If their parents are aggressive and I am not...I'm teaching them tools for a different way to solve problems through kindness and forgiveness.
If their parents are kind and I am aggressive I'm teaching them tools for a different way to solve problems through aggression.
If their parents are kind and I am kind...I'm confirming adults are kind and the way to solve problems is through kindness and forgiveness.
I can't control how parents will parent...but I can absolutely control how I teach and what I model for them.
These emotional boys...Have I been modeling aggression and made them feel like they are not earning my approval? Are they looking up to me, their teacher, asking themselves if this adult male approves of them? And what has my response been to them both verbal and non?
I've been so focused on the power struggle and the respect of my classroom towards me that I've lost a bit of focus on what message I am sending. I want my coworkers and my administrators to see my classroom and think "wow he has control of them" But how do we gain respect and control? Is it through aggression or is it through mutual respect?
Earlier this week many of the building literacy coaches from the district observed my classroom during my literacy block. Afterwards my building coach informed me they all loved it. They were blown away at the routine and the autonomy of my students. He's a first year male early childhood teachers in a priority school wow he's good...and that sort of praise helps confirm all these late nights...but then there are those moments like Friday afternoon where a student pushes me...and all of my work feels pointless and my focus seems completely fucked.
I've always had this dream since my building is preK-12 that my former students would visit my classroom, that they would help during their study halls and they would ask for homework help on their assignments...That's the sort of lasting impression I'd like to have and that certainly isn't done by the way I acted Friday with my student. The worst part is he's one of my favorites...I hate disciplining him I never want to write him up...He also gets under my skin the most. He is the kind of student I want to visit my class. He's the kind I want to help with homework and I'm modeling that I don't want him to come back when he's older...I made a mistake this past Friday, I raised my voice I pointed towards the door and I sent the message in an aggressive manner that I don't like him nor do I want him in my class. and I won't make that mistake again.
I need to show these students a different way. I need to model kindness...and I will.
I guess that thought ran a bit longer than I had intended. I also wanted to think about and express my thoughts on Tem a bit.
Tem has mentioned a few times when we first started talking about how she'd like a text throughout the day or even one after work to ask how she's doing to talk about her day to show her I'm thinking of her. I've never been good at this stuff. Anyone who knows me knows I can only do one thing at a time. I'm sure if I had been tested as a child they would have found some sort of LD or label.
This is selling season she says, this is her busy time...she travels and she's never around...which means long distance...it means phone calls, facetime, texts, and all the things I have never been good at.
I always seem to drift away from friends because of this.
When Brian left Columbus so did our communication. We went from talking every day to talking only to plan visits or when in person.
The same can be said for Alan, and any one of my previous roommates, high school friends not in my city, previous coworkers, college friends, family...Whitney use to say in high school "Wherever you are is the most important place to you." Meaning I'm very bad at long distance.
Tem travels a lot for work...and I like her a lot. When she's in town all I want to do is be next to her be near her because wherever I am is the most important place. But when she is out of town...I suck at texting...I never call and we don't talk. That isn't the way I want to treat her. I want her to know I miss her...more than just texting it constantly back and forth. I want her to feel it, not read it. But damn I hate phone calls and I hate not being face to face. But it's not about me it's about her. No matter my feeling and my thoughts what message am I sending her and more importantly what message is she receiving, perceiving from me?
Sometimes I think about my life without her...What would it look like if she suddenly went away if she woke up and said she's done with this...what would it be...and it's maybe the worst thing I can imagine... that or losing my job...If she's that important to my life then the question I need to constantly ask myself is this, "Does she feel that?" Does she feel that she is that important to me? If she doesn't, if she questions if I miss her or like her then I'm not sending the right signals and I need to change my frequency. She is very important to me and I'd like her to remain a very very big part of my life for a very long time.
She took a big test Saturday morning (that's actually when I'm writing this) and I can't wait to see her afterwards. Last time we went out I ruined the night. Today and tonight I will not be repeating that I will express to her how much she means to me. What an incredible woman.
Michael Kiwanuka - Cold Little Heart
According to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics in 2017 2.3% of preschool and kindergarten teachers are men.
The white knight
I'm a male teacher in a priority school. I am part of 2.3% of my industry working in the bottom 5% of my industry in my state.
I'm thinking about this because of how my day ended on Friday. I have a student in my class...well actually many students in my class who are very emotional...and all of them are boys. This student aggravates me and brings me to my wits end. Friday I raised my voice in frustration at him and was very aggressive as he was leaving my class I pointed at the door and told him to leave my classroom...and he pushed me (attempted)...and I haven't stopped thinking about that moment. My initial reaction was the write him up and get him suspended because a teacher should not allow a student to ever be seen putting there hands on them and should not have a power struggle...but then I thought about the way I was acting the behavior I was modeling towards this child. Every message I sent him through my body language and my words told him to push me told him to return aggression with aggression.
He wasn't in the wrong, he's a child...I was in the wrong in my frustration being crunched for time between showing student academic growth, completing all district deadlines and reports, and feeling as if these emotional boys are running my classroom rather than the other way around I modeled an incorrect unhealthy behavior to the situation. As an adult around children everything I do I am teaching them something...and I taught him something very wrong.
This morning as I sip coffee and sit here reflecting on that moment I'm attempting to pull the thread of every antecedent of every emotional breakdown of every boy in my classroom. I think these past few months I've been getting frustrated and feeling inadequate next to my two female co teachers. Why don't they have these problem? How did I get all the emotional boys in my classroom and they don't seem to have any?
The state has labeled my school and thus my class as a priority...as the bottom 5% I don't believe or buy that shit for a second and I want to prove to the state that these kids are just as (if not better) than those A rated suburban mother fuckers and so I push, hard, and I lose sight, I lose focus. I want all of my students to have as many opportunities as possible when they become adults and I know reading is the first step to opening ANY door. And I know I hold the key to the foundation of that first step towards ANY door. I need to make sure every student is equipped before they take their next step into first grade.
But at what cost? These kids can't see the value of my motivation, the purpose for the push...They see an adult...they see an adult male...some of them I know their home life and I don't want to turn this into a there is no father in the picture so I need to be the father figure sort of bullshit because that's not the case most have their father in the picture to some degree. But what I am is another male figure in their life. I am a way for their brains their perceptions to either confirm what the other adults are modeling in their lives or to give them a new perspective.
If their parents are aggressive and I am aggressive...I'm confirming adults are aggressive and the way to solve problems with peers is aggression.
If their parents are aggressive and I am not...I'm teaching them tools for a different way to solve problems through kindness and forgiveness.
If their parents are kind and I am aggressive I'm teaching them tools for a different way to solve problems through aggression.
If their parents are kind and I am kind...I'm confirming adults are kind and the way to solve problems is through kindness and forgiveness.
I can't control how parents will parent...but I can absolutely control how I teach and what I model for them.
These emotional boys...Have I been modeling aggression and made them feel like they are not earning my approval? Are they looking up to me, their teacher, asking themselves if this adult male approves of them? And what has my response been to them both verbal and non?
I've been so focused on the power struggle and the respect of my classroom towards me that I've lost a bit of focus on what message I am sending. I want my coworkers and my administrators to see my classroom and think "wow he has control of them" But how do we gain respect and control? Is it through aggression or is it through mutual respect?
Earlier this week many of the building literacy coaches from the district observed my classroom during my literacy block. Afterwards my building coach informed me they all loved it. They were blown away at the routine and the autonomy of my students. He's a first year male early childhood teachers in a priority school wow he's good...and that sort of praise helps confirm all these late nights...but then there are those moments like Friday afternoon where a student pushes me...and all of my work feels pointless and my focus seems completely fucked.
I've always had this dream since my building is preK-12 that my former students would visit my classroom, that they would help during their study halls and they would ask for homework help on their assignments...That's the sort of lasting impression I'd like to have and that certainly isn't done by the way I acted Friday with my student. The worst part is he's one of my favorites...I hate disciplining him I never want to write him up...He also gets under my skin the most. He is the kind of student I want to visit my class. He's the kind I want to help with homework and I'm modeling that I don't want him to come back when he's older...I made a mistake this past Friday, I raised my voice I pointed towards the door and I sent the message in an aggressive manner that I don't like him nor do I want him in my class. and I won't make that mistake again.
I need to show these students a different way. I need to model kindness...and I will.
I guess that thought ran a bit longer than I had intended. I also wanted to think about and express my thoughts on Tem a bit.
Tem has mentioned a few times when we first started talking about how she'd like a text throughout the day or even one after work to ask how she's doing to talk about her day to show her I'm thinking of her. I've never been good at this stuff. Anyone who knows me knows I can only do one thing at a time. I'm sure if I had been tested as a child they would have found some sort of LD or label.
This is selling season she says, this is her busy time...she travels and she's never around...which means long distance...it means phone calls, facetime, texts, and all the things I have never been good at.
I always seem to drift away from friends because of this.
When Brian left Columbus so did our communication. We went from talking every day to talking only to plan visits or when in person.
The same can be said for Alan, and any one of my previous roommates, high school friends not in my city, previous coworkers, college friends, family...Whitney use to say in high school "Wherever you are is the most important place to you." Meaning I'm very bad at long distance.
Tem travels a lot for work...and I like her a lot. When she's in town all I want to do is be next to her be near her because wherever I am is the most important place. But when she is out of town...I suck at texting...I never call and we don't talk. That isn't the way I want to treat her. I want her to know I miss her...more than just texting it constantly back and forth. I want her to feel it, not read it. But damn I hate phone calls and I hate not being face to face. But it's not about me it's about her. No matter my feeling and my thoughts what message am I sending her and more importantly what message is she receiving, perceiving from me?
Sometimes I think about my life without her...What would it look like if she suddenly went away if she woke up and said she's done with this...what would it be...and it's maybe the worst thing I can imagine... that or losing my job...If she's that important to my life then the question I need to constantly ask myself is this, "Does she feel that?" Does she feel that she is that important to me? If she doesn't, if she questions if I miss her or like her then I'm not sending the right signals and I need to change my frequency. She is very important to me and I'd like her to remain a very very big part of my life for a very long time.
She took a big test Saturday morning (that's actually when I'm writing this) and I can't wait to see her afterwards. Last time we went out I ruined the night. Today and tonight I will not be repeating that I will express to her how much she means to me. What an incredible woman.
Michael Kiwanuka - Cold Little Heart