Earlier this month Travis and I had a talk
He told me he planned on moving out in August
The final straw
From living with four friends in college
to three friends in my early 20s
to two friends in my mid 20s
to one friend in my late 20s
to living alone in my early 30s
I've always had this fear that I will look back and say "those were the good old days" I've never wanted to say that in my life. I've always wanted to continue to improve my lifestyle more and more.
I've always wanted the good days to be neither old nor new but now.
I remember in college playing video games with my roommates
Rock band
Halo
Having movie nights with the five of us all burrowed and blanketed in the basement
I remember after college, roommate Christmas, board games on the dining room table, house parties filled with friends and friends of friends. I remember roommates secretly recording Harry Potter books on tape for me. I remember making stupid youtube videos around the house.
But we are all turning 30 this year and somewhere there's an unwritten rule that says we have to grow up and by grow up it means stop doing fun things.
I remember several years back I went sledding with my friend and his two children. It was a lot of young families with their small children. Then in the parking lot rolled up a beater car and out rolled five high school boys and a lot of cardboard. The kids climbed the hill and all went down together like a cardboard bobsled. I remember watching them and thinking about when I did that with Downing and Travis back in high school. I remember how easy it was to make a few calls and gather an entire group of friends to do something as simple as sled down a hill on cardboard.
Now as "grown ups" It's a struggle to get two friends to come out with me to even grab a drink at happy hour. No one seems to have any time and no one seems to want to do the fun things...the things that grown ups don't do, for whatever reason.
In 2015 our "squad" was six friends deep with Downing and Alan a quick 2 hours away
12/20/15
04/17/16
But Brian moved to Seattle
Dain moved to Chicago
Baldygams works every weekend night in the suburbs
The other two are dating twins
They spend their weekends together in the Lorton Lair or out doing double date things
Alan vowing to never leave Cincinnati
and Downing failing to find a decent job in Columbus
Leaves me here
30 and living alone
Like the perfect independent self-reliant American I'm told to be.
But the fact is I want my friends around me more than I want to be self reliant.
I want morning coffee conversations like we use to do at Tibet
I want late night porch beers and Shisha like we had
Now everyone is trying to find or has a significant other.
There certainly isn't anything wrong with finding a partner.
But I worry...not about them having a partner but about who they are
Will this person treat my friend the way they deserve?
Does this person see my friend for who they are? Do they appreciate and encourage the interests and passions of my friend?
Are they what's best for them and will they make my friend a better version of who they are?
I want to see my friends laughing
I want to watch my friends find happiness, find someone to care for and settle down with
I want to listen to how my friends are and I want to hear them happy
Lately it seems we don't talk anymore
I mean we speak words
but there isn't that substance there use to be.
We talk about current events
We talk about politics
Civil rights
Movies
Books
TV
We talk
but we don't say anything
When I finally sat down with Travis, when he told me he was moving out in August the conversation felt tense...it felt awkward.
Like the surface stuff is where we are most comfortable now.
I asked him about the night of my birthday party.
I asked him how he felt when Holly came to Bob's bar a drunk sobbing mess because she saw Jeff and it stirred something inside her.
He seemed defensive and offended I'd ask such a thing
I felt disappointed this conversation was so difficult to have
What happened to the days where friends could ask and say anything?
What happened to when we could easily and comfortably call each other out?
Seems like friends in your 30s aren't friends, they are acquaintances.
It's strange because when we were younger I figured as we grew older together we would become closer and closer as friends. The older we got the more intimate our friendships would grow. But over the decades I've known these guys it seems the opposite is occurring.
It seems like we can't talk to Dain about his life goals and why he keeps moving around the country
We can't talk to Jared about his drinking, or his career goals
We can't talk to Brian about his dating apps being set to teenagers and if he's happy out west.
I wish he never left Columbus
We can't talk to Baldygams about finishing his app idea, and his relationship habits
We can't talk to Travis about the way Holly talks to him, treats him
We can't talk to Downing about why NFL players need to take a knee and how he needs to be more honest with girlfriends he wants to break up with
We can't talk to Alan about his relationship patterns and commitment issues
and I wonder the kinds of things my friends would like to ask me about
The kinds of questions they all wonder behind my back but are too afraid to ask
because our long lasting friendships have turned to distant acquaintances.
My 20s were a lot of fun
Roommates with my friends
Traveling in and outside of the country
Growing and learning with my friends I've known since elementary school
I'm not sure how I feel about my 30s
I know I'll make more money
and I've found the job I love
But what about camping trips with my friends
What about morning coffee on the porch
What about all of us together at the same bar
What about friendship...real friendship.
"The good old days"
Now you're looking at me, and I'm looking at you like a fool
But, you don't know what it feels like
Dean Lewis - Lose My Mind
He told me he planned on moving out in August
The final straw
From living with four friends in college
to three friends in my early 20s
to two friends in my mid 20s
to one friend in my late 20s
to living alone in my early 30s
I've always had this fear that I will look back and say "those were the good old days" I've never wanted to say that in my life. I've always wanted to continue to improve my lifestyle more and more.
I've always wanted the good days to be neither old nor new but now.
I remember in college playing video games with my roommates
Rock band
Halo
Having movie nights with the five of us all burrowed and blanketed in the basement
I remember after college, roommate Christmas, board games on the dining room table, house parties filled with friends and friends of friends. I remember roommates secretly recording Harry Potter books on tape for me. I remember making stupid youtube videos around the house.
But we are all turning 30 this year and somewhere there's an unwritten rule that says we have to grow up and by grow up it means stop doing fun things.
I remember several years back I went sledding with my friend and his two children. It was a lot of young families with their small children. Then in the parking lot rolled up a beater car and out rolled five high school boys and a lot of cardboard. The kids climbed the hill and all went down together like a cardboard bobsled. I remember watching them and thinking about when I did that with Downing and Travis back in high school. I remember how easy it was to make a few calls and gather an entire group of friends to do something as simple as sled down a hill on cardboard.
Now as "grown ups" It's a struggle to get two friends to come out with me to even grab a drink at happy hour. No one seems to have any time and no one seems to want to do the fun things...the things that grown ups don't do, for whatever reason.
In 2015 our "squad" was six friends deep with Downing and Alan a quick 2 hours away
12/20/15
04/17/16
But Brian moved to Seattle
Dain moved to Chicago
Baldygams works every weekend night in the suburbs
The other two are dating twins
They spend their weekends together in the Lorton Lair or out doing double date things
Alan vowing to never leave Cincinnati
and Downing failing to find a decent job in Columbus
Leaves me here
30 and living alone
Like the perfect independent self-reliant American I'm told to be.
But the fact is I want my friends around me more than I want to be self reliant.
I want morning coffee conversations like we use to do at Tibet
I want late night porch beers and Shisha like we had
Now everyone is trying to find or has a significant other.
There certainly isn't anything wrong with finding a partner.
But I worry...not about them having a partner but about who they are
Will this person treat my friend the way they deserve?
Does this person see my friend for who they are? Do they appreciate and encourage the interests and passions of my friend?
Are they what's best for them and will they make my friend a better version of who they are?
I want to see my friends laughing
I want to watch my friends find happiness, find someone to care for and settle down with
I want to listen to how my friends are and I want to hear them happy
Lately it seems we don't talk anymore
I mean we speak words
but there isn't that substance there use to be.We talk about current events
We talk about politics
Civil rights
Movies
Books
TV
We talk
but we don't say anything
When I finally sat down with Travis, when he told me he was moving out in August the conversation felt tense...it felt awkward.
Like the surface stuff is where we are most comfortable now.
I asked him about the night of my birthday party.
I asked him how he felt when Holly came to Bob's bar a drunk sobbing mess because she saw Jeff and it stirred something inside her.
He seemed defensive and offended I'd ask such a thing
I felt disappointed this conversation was so difficult to have
What happened to the days where friends could ask and say anything?
What happened to when we could easily and comfortably call each other out?
Seems like friends in your 30s aren't friends, they are acquaintances.
It's strange because when we were younger I figured as we grew older together we would become closer and closer as friends. The older we got the more intimate our friendships would grow. But over the decades I've known these guys it seems the opposite is occurring.
It seems like we can't talk to Dain about his life goals and why he keeps moving around the country
We can't talk to Jared about his drinking, or his career goals
We can't talk to Brian about his dating apps being set to teenagers and if he's happy out west.
I wish he never left Columbus
We can't talk to Baldygams about finishing his app idea, and his relationship habits
We can't talk to Travis about the way Holly talks to him, treats him
We can't talk to Downing about why NFL players need to take a knee and how he needs to be more honest with girlfriends he wants to break up with
We can't talk to Alan about his relationship patterns and commitment issues
and I wonder the kinds of things my friends would like to ask me about
The kinds of questions they all wonder behind my back but are too afraid to ask
because our long lasting friendships have turned to distant acquaintances.
My 20s were a lot of fun
Roommates with my friends
Traveling in and outside of the country
Growing and learning with my friends I've known since elementary school
I'm not sure how I feel about my 30s
I know I'll make more money
and I've found the job I love
But what about camping trips with my friends
What about morning coffee on the porch
What about all of us together at the same bar
What about friendship...real friendship.
"The good old days"
Now you're looking at me, and I'm looking at you like a fool
But, you don't know what it feels like
Dean Lewis - Lose My Mind