Dear Adam,
Today I turn 30. I’m not entirely sure how I feel about this. I know that I’ve never been one to make a big deal about birthdays. You might not even have known today was my birthday (don’t worry – I meant it when I said don’t make a big deal about birthdays and I don’t do anything to tell/remind folks!)
I’m writing this because my spiritual director has encouraged me to. Initially, I felt that 30, like all of my previous birthdays, would be just another day. In the week leading up to this day, however, I’ve decided to listen to my spiritual director. She’s usually right about a lot of things.
So, here I am, trying to process my 30th birthday. Rather than taking time to look back across all 30 years I’ve been alive, I decided to focus on the last 10. You were part of this decade for me, you made it something meaningful and I shared experiences, thoughts, meals, and memories with you. So I decided to share this reflection with you.
Fair warning:
Most of this is more or less just stream of consciousness writing. I wrote it in a journal over the course of this past week, so a lot of it is really disconnected. It is more heavily focused on recent years, and some early years get shortchanged. The nature of memoir perhaps.
It may sound braggadocios at parts, but that is because I’m choosing to focus mainly on the really good things that happened. Some sections may seem unnecessarily detailed while in other parts, I sweep over entire experiences in a sentence. It is not meant to downplay people or relationships, it is just a reflection of what I felt like writing about. I won’t be offended if you don’t read this. It’s long. I know it is. But I hope you read some of it, even if you just scan for your own part of my story and smile. Also please know that often people are not mentioned by name, but if you read between the lines, you know where you are. Please know that you had a bigger impact on me in the past 10 years than I could convey in a brief reflection.
I love you.
*****
My twenties began at Bethany College. I was in my second year there. That was probably my best year being a Bison. I was doing well academically, loved my classes and professors, and really enjoyed finally living alone as an RA. It was also my best time at Phi Tau. I really loved that time and all the card games and dumb but fun memories of college.
I had my second summer on camp staff that year. Those three summers were the best summers of my life, and the last two, I was blessed to have most of the same staff with me. We worked really hard, and we fought, and we were really intentional about making memories and making those summers exactly the summers we wanted them to be. I knew them all before we were on staff, but the only reason we grew into the relationships we have now is because of those summers together. They were amazing, and the people I worked with will be some of my best friends for the rest of my life.
I traveled abroad for the first time when I was 20. I went to Chile with Ohio Delegation ’09 (OD09). That trip changed my life in many ways, and helped me apply for Global Ministries, which would lead to me to Honduras later that year. I went with Bobo and Stephanie to the inauguration of President Barack Obama when I was 20. Eight years later, I would shake his hand and greet him here in Ohio when his plane landed.
I graduated from college after three years when I was 21. I passed my comprehensive final exams with distinction and graduated with a GPA over 4.0. But I didn’t walk because by then I had stopped caring for Bethany. I was ready to move on.
So I went to Honduras for a year. It was supposed to be two. But a year was more than enough for me. For a year I was broken by the ugliness of humanity – the violence, the blood, the chaos. For a year, I was amazed by the beauty of humanity – the forgiveness, the hospitality, the perseverance, the faith in God.
I was challenged in so many ways there. “Where was God in that?”
“God was right there with the gunman saying please, please don’t do this.”
I left Honduras and came back to the safety and sacredness of Camp. There, I taught incredible young people alongside amazing counselors. It was Camp in many ways, which brought me back. I deepened in so many ways with my Camp relationships, and became an Advance Officer.
Then I went off to Union Theological Seminary – the best three years of my life. I fell in love with New York City. It became the only place other than Cincinnati I think I could ever feel is a home for me.
I had my first real relationship at Union. It was so good for so long and then it wasn’t.
Even all the way out there, I had (of course) camp people there with me always. Yolanda and I got to be as close as we are today mostly because of our time together in New York. Doug and I had our Theanthropic Thursdays – an incredible tradition that I’ll always value.
My classes at Union were often led by brilliant professors and were almost as often led by complete idiots. By and large though, whether through classes, or in conversations with my classmates, I felt that for the first time in my life, I was being really intellectually stimulated. I was being challenged and I loved so much of what I was learning about. Theology and Philosophy were fun and challenging and they fed me.
Spiritually, I was finally in a place that felt like real church. Not that I didn’t love my home church growing up, but here was a church that was not just talking about it, it was doing it! It was the divinity of diversity. The songs played on my heartstrings, the sermons stirred me to action, the prayers connected with my silent soul. Were it not for Park Avenue Christian Church, my time in NYC at Union would have been only half as valuable.
Mostly though, I developed an amazing friend group while at Union. Not only did we win at sports together, but we spent a lot of time playing games, checking off our NYC bucket list together, spending Christmas time as a group, supporting one another through the tears, and pushing each other to grow in better and healthier ways. It was the people that built the experiences and relationships that made New York a home for me.
I have always had such a blessed home and an amazing family. One that always shows up for me and they always did over the past 10 years. Whether it was visiting Honduras, coming to NYC for Thanksgiving (including having the best/worst/longest nights of our lives), coming to my ordination, inviting me out to visit, rejoicing with me in my happiness, celebrating with them in theirs, mourning with me in my times of loss, letting me mourn with them in theirs.
I was ordained. Despite the region – ha! And I had such a beautiful service with so many amazing people participating. I’ll never forget that day.
I moved back to my beloved but broken Cincinnati and began to serve in Carthage. What a joyful place so filled with the Spirit of God! Together, we rebuilt the church we believed God was calling us to be in Carthage. We became Open and Affirming, lifted up the Divinity of Diversity, and worked to grow it and love it.
I had other relationships that came and went and came again and went again. Good people, but not my person. I made at least my share of mistakes in those relationships and I am sorry for the pain I know I’ve caused.
I went to Ferguson. Three times. The first time with my Pastor Pal Ellen. We knew injustice, we had studied it for a while, but for me at least, it was one of the first times I really went and acted against it. I don’t know that I would have taken that first step without Ellen. But I’m glad I did, and I’m glad I did it with her. I went back with Brian, and we saw tanks in the street. I went back with Jon and we breathed in tear gas.
Christ’s passion for justice left its imprint on me, and from that point forward, I did my best to serve that passion. Whether that service meant in serving Guatemalan immigrant families in Carthage, or in attending meetings with the mayor or city council members.
Racial justice, Black Lives Matter, Immigrant Rights, Human Trafficking, LGBTQ justice issues – all have stirred me to action over the last few years and all have taken me to new places. To conferences and panels in Washington DC with people in positions of power. To small group meetings and strategies in the public library. To Major League Baseball’s All Star game and the Red’s Ownership. To organizing two Jericho Marches for Sam Dubose and marching 14 times around the courthouse to call for the walls of injustice to come tumbling down. To city hall. To special faith services and candlelight vigils. To the streets of Cincinnati, of Charlotte, and Charlottesville the day after a protest left a woman dead. To working desperately to stop a deportation and being part of a team that was in contact with Senators. To the front page of the Sunday New York Times above the fold.
I also lost. I lost my grandpa. I lost George. I did a funeral for a three month old. We lost the election. We lost Maribel. I lost so much faith that I had in people. I made a lot of mistakes too. I hope I learned from most of them, but I’m sure I have many to repeat and many more to make. I hurt a lot of people by the mistakes that I made. Some very deeply. I can’t undo that, but I can try to be better moving forward.
But I also gained a lot too. I gained a clergy group, especially the Clarys. I gained so much life and so much feeding my soul in JustLOVE with Miriam and David and Daniel. I gained a Spiritual Director. I gained monthly dinners with the Bairds.
I gained so many new friends that 10 years ago, I didn’t even know they existed.
I got to marry some of my very best friends. I got to be in some of my other best friends’ weddings. I saw my friends and family welcome beautiful new life into this world. I saw love in new and amazing ways.
I found new music that stirred me. I followed old artists and I got to see many, old and new, in concert. I followed some of my favorite TV shows until they ended, and came to love new ones that were being created. Hamilton happened in the last 10 years! Not to me, but I still feel like it’s an important thing to bring up. I started texting. I got a smartphone, and began to tweet and snap and post to Instagram. I worked as a librarian, a telemarketer, a Global Ministries intern, a Human Rights campaigner, a rentals department intern, a ministry intern, a barista, and a pastor. I drove across the country. I never did get to see the Reds of Bengals make it out of the first round of the playoffs, but I did get to come pretty damn close to catching a home run ball at the Home Run Derby. I did a funeral for Santa Claus. I brewed beer and got a tattoo. I baked a lot of pies. I ran a marathon. I ran part of a 200 mile relay over a day and a half. I baptized 10 people. I helped a couple elope. I moved and helped my friends move. I wrote two books (both unpublished). I read over 250 books and built a book wall with Brian’s help. I fell in love with Hemingway. I got to travel back to Chile twice and Honduras once. I had my first drink. I moved and helped other people move. I built some furniture. I solved a Thursday level crossword without looking at the answers. I was in a Superbowl commercial…kind of – it was the segment about local news and a clip they used included one of the marches I participated in. I wrote three op eds that got published and learned to never read the comments. I spent nearly 20 days (total, not consecutively) in silence. I went on clergy retreats and I preached over 200 sermons. I joined an adult kickball team and we made the finals. I joined an adult dodgeball team and we failed to win a single game. I joined an adult volleyball league and we did exactly as well as I did at dodgeball.
Of course so much more happened in those 10 years. Moments and conversations that will impact me forever. The small day-to-day interactions, whether over games or beers or emails or the phone have shaped me into who I am now. I could write a hundred pages for every year and not even come close to capturing what happened, or how it made me feel, how much I cherished the time I got to spend with you. And so, though it is a poor substitute, this reflection will have to do.
A lot happened in 10 years. I’m so glad you were part of it. I love you.
Today I turn 30. I’m not entirely sure how I feel about this. I know that I’ve never been one to make a big deal about birthdays. You might not even have known today was my birthday (don’t worry – I meant it when I said don’t make a big deal about birthdays and I don’t do anything to tell/remind folks!)
I’m writing this because my spiritual director has encouraged me to. Initially, I felt that 30, like all of my previous birthdays, would be just another day. In the week leading up to this day, however, I’ve decided to listen to my spiritual director. She’s usually right about a lot of things.
So, here I am, trying to process my 30th birthday. Rather than taking time to look back across all 30 years I’ve been alive, I decided to focus on the last 10. You were part of this decade for me, you made it something meaningful and I shared experiences, thoughts, meals, and memories with you. So I decided to share this reflection with you.
Fair warning:
Most of this is more or less just stream of consciousness writing. I wrote it in a journal over the course of this past week, so a lot of it is really disconnected. It is more heavily focused on recent years, and some early years get shortchanged. The nature of memoir perhaps.
It may sound braggadocios at parts, but that is because I’m choosing to focus mainly on the really good things that happened. Some sections may seem unnecessarily detailed while in other parts, I sweep over entire experiences in a sentence. It is not meant to downplay people or relationships, it is just a reflection of what I felt like writing about. I won’t be offended if you don’t read this. It’s long. I know it is. But I hope you read some of it, even if you just scan for your own part of my story and smile. Also please know that often people are not mentioned by name, but if you read between the lines, you know where you are. Please know that you had a bigger impact on me in the past 10 years than I could convey in a brief reflection.
I love you.
*****
My twenties began at Bethany College. I was in my second year there. That was probably my best year being a Bison. I was doing well academically, loved my classes and professors, and really enjoyed finally living alone as an RA. It was also my best time at Phi Tau. I really loved that time and all the card games and dumb but fun memories of college.
I had my second summer on camp staff that year. Those three summers were the best summers of my life, and the last two, I was blessed to have most of the same staff with me. We worked really hard, and we fought, and we were really intentional about making memories and making those summers exactly the summers we wanted them to be. I knew them all before we were on staff, but the only reason we grew into the relationships we have now is because of those summers together. They were amazing, and the people I worked with will be some of my best friends for the rest of my life.
I traveled abroad for the first time when I was 20. I went to Chile with Ohio Delegation ’09 (OD09). That trip changed my life in many ways, and helped me apply for Global Ministries, which would lead to me to Honduras later that year. I went with Bobo and Stephanie to the inauguration of President Barack Obama when I was 20. Eight years later, I would shake his hand and greet him here in Ohio when his plane landed.
I graduated from college after three years when I was 21. I passed my comprehensive final exams with distinction and graduated with a GPA over 4.0. But I didn’t walk because by then I had stopped caring for Bethany. I was ready to move on.
So I went to Honduras for a year. It was supposed to be two. But a year was more than enough for me. For a year I was broken by the ugliness of humanity – the violence, the blood, the chaos. For a year, I was amazed by the beauty of humanity – the forgiveness, the hospitality, the perseverance, the faith in God.
I was challenged in so many ways there. “Where was God in that?”
“God was right there with the gunman saying please, please don’t do this.”
I left Honduras and came back to the safety and sacredness of Camp. There, I taught incredible young people alongside amazing counselors. It was Camp in many ways, which brought me back. I deepened in so many ways with my Camp relationships, and became an Advance Officer.
Then I went off to Union Theological Seminary – the best three years of my life. I fell in love with New York City. It became the only place other than Cincinnati I think I could ever feel is a home for me.
I had my first real relationship at Union. It was so good for so long and then it wasn’t.
Even all the way out there, I had (of course) camp people there with me always. Yolanda and I got to be as close as we are today mostly because of our time together in New York. Doug and I had our Theanthropic Thursdays – an incredible tradition that I’ll always value.
My classes at Union were often led by brilliant professors and were almost as often led by complete idiots. By and large though, whether through classes, or in conversations with my classmates, I felt that for the first time in my life, I was being really intellectually stimulated. I was being challenged and I loved so much of what I was learning about. Theology and Philosophy were fun and challenging and they fed me.
Spiritually, I was finally in a place that felt like real church. Not that I didn’t love my home church growing up, but here was a church that was not just talking about it, it was doing it! It was the divinity of diversity. The songs played on my heartstrings, the sermons stirred me to action, the prayers connected with my silent soul. Were it not for Park Avenue Christian Church, my time in NYC at Union would have been only half as valuable.
Mostly though, I developed an amazing friend group while at Union. Not only did we win at sports together, but we spent a lot of time playing games, checking off our NYC bucket list together, spending Christmas time as a group, supporting one another through the tears, and pushing each other to grow in better and healthier ways. It was the people that built the experiences and relationships that made New York a home for me.
I have always had such a blessed home and an amazing family. One that always shows up for me and they always did over the past 10 years. Whether it was visiting Honduras, coming to NYC for Thanksgiving (including having the best/worst/longest nights of our lives), coming to my ordination, inviting me out to visit, rejoicing with me in my happiness, celebrating with them in theirs, mourning with me in my times of loss, letting me mourn with them in theirs.
I was ordained. Despite the region – ha! And I had such a beautiful service with so many amazing people participating. I’ll never forget that day.
I moved back to my beloved but broken Cincinnati and began to serve in Carthage. What a joyful place so filled with the Spirit of God! Together, we rebuilt the church we believed God was calling us to be in Carthage. We became Open and Affirming, lifted up the Divinity of Diversity, and worked to grow it and love it.
I had other relationships that came and went and came again and went again. Good people, but not my person. I made at least my share of mistakes in those relationships and I am sorry for the pain I know I’ve caused.
I went to Ferguson. Three times. The first time with my Pastor Pal Ellen. We knew injustice, we had studied it for a while, but for me at least, it was one of the first times I really went and acted against it. I don’t know that I would have taken that first step without Ellen. But I’m glad I did, and I’m glad I did it with her. I went back with Brian, and we saw tanks in the street. I went back with Jon and we breathed in tear gas.
Christ’s passion for justice left its imprint on me, and from that point forward, I did my best to serve that passion. Whether that service meant in serving Guatemalan immigrant families in Carthage, or in attending meetings with the mayor or city council members.
Racial justice, Black Lives Matter, Immigrant Rights, Human Trafficking, LGBTQ justice issues – all have stirred me to action over the last few years and all have taken me to new places. To conferences and panels in Washington DC with people in positions of power. To small group meetings and strategies in the public library. To Major League Baseball’s All Star game and the Red’s Ownership. To organizing two Jericho Marches for Sam Dubose and marching 14 times around the courthouse to call for the walls of injustice to come tumbling down. To city hall. To special faith services and candlelight vigils. To the streets of Cincinnati, of Charlotte, and Charlottesville the day after a protest left a woman dead. To working desperately to stop a deportation and being part of a team that was in contact with Senators. To the front page of the Sunday New York Times above the fold.
I also lost. I lost my grandpa. I lost George. I did a funeral for a three month old. We lost the election. We lost Maribel. I lost so much faith that I had in people. I made a lot of mistakes too. I hope I learned from most of them, but I’m sure I have many to repeat and many more to make. I hurt a lot of people by the mistakes that I made. Some very deeply. I can’t undo that, but I can try to be better moving forward.
But I also gained a lot too. I gained a clergy group, especially the Clarys. I gained so much life and so much feeding my soul in JustLOVE with Miriam and David and Daniel. I gained a Spiritual Director. I gained monthly dinners with the Bairds.
I gained so many new friends that 10 years ago, I didn’t even know they existed.
I got to marry some of my very best friends. I got to be in some of my other best friends’ weddings. I saw my friends and family welcome beautiful new life into this world. I saw love in new and amazing ways.
I found new music that stirred me. I followed old artists and I got to see many, old and new, in concert. I followed some of my favorite TV shows until they ended, and came to love new ones that were being created. Hamilton happened in the last 10 years! Not to me, but I still feel like it’s an important thing to bring up. I started texting. I got a smartphone, and began to tweet and snap and post to Instagram. I worked as a librarian, a telemarketer, a Global Ministries intern, a Human Rights campaigner, a rentals department intern, a ministry intern, a barista, and a pastor. I drove across the country. I never did get to see the Reds of Bengals make it out of the first round of the playoffs, but I did get to come pretty damn close to catching a home run ball at the Home Run Derby. I did a funeral for Santa Claus. I brewed beer and got a tattoo. I baked a lot of pies. I ran a marathon. I ran part of a 200 mile relay over a day and a half. I baptized 10 people. I helped a couple elope. I moved and helped my friends move. I wrote two books (both unpublished). I read over 250 books and built a book wall with Brian’s help. I fell in love with Hemingway. I got to travel back to Chile twice and Honduras once. I had my first drink. I moved and helped other people move. I built some furniture. I solved a Thursday level crossword without looking at the answers. I was in a Superbowl commercial…kind of – it was the segment about local news and a clip they used included one of the marches I participated in. I wrote three op eds that got published and learned to never read the comments. I spent nearly 20 days (total, not consecutively) in silence. I went on clergy retreats and I preached over 200 sermons. I joined an adult kickball team and we made the finals. I joined an adult dodgeball team and we failed to win a single game. I joined an adult volleyball league and we did exactly as well as I did at dodgeball.
Of course so much more happened in those 10 years. Moments and conversations that will impact me forever. The small day-to-day interactions, whether over games or beers or emails or the phone have shaped me into who I am now. I could write a hundred pages for every year and not even come close to capturing what happened, or how it made me feel, how much I cherished the time I got to spend with you. And so, though it is a poor substitute, this reflection will have to do.
A lot happened in 10 years. I’m so glad you were part of it. I love you.