Character is what you are in the dark when no one but God is watching. Anyone can look good in front of an audience, or even in front of their friends. It's an entirely different thing to stand naked before God, to be known as you truly are on the inside.
-Randy Alcorn
O Lord, you have examined my heart
and know everything about me.
You know when I sit down or stand up.
You know my thoughts even when I’m far away.
You see me when I travel
and when I rest at home.
You know everything I do.
You know what I am going to say
even before I say it, Lord.
You go before me and follow me.
You place your hand of blessing on my head.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too great for me to understand!
You are my only audience. You are my only critic. You are my only judge.
How terrifying it is to think that I stand naked before You. How ashamed I am of who I truly am on the inside. I want to live for You and You alone. I do not want any secrets, I do not want any shadows. The thought of one day being judged by You can either be a day to dread or delight. Wash me so that I hope for that day not fear it.
The path you take with your feet should never contradict the conviction of your heart.
-Josh Harris
I can never escape from your Spirit!
I can never get away from your presence!
If I go up to heaven, you are there;
if I go down to Sheol, you are there.
If I ride the wings of the morning,
if I dwell by the farthest oceans,
even there your hand will guide me,
and your strength will support me.
I could ask the darkness to hide me
and the light around me to become night—
but even in darkness I cannot hide from you.
To you the night shines as bright as day.
Darkness and light are the same to you.
You do not only see the path I take with my feet. You see the conviction of my heart. You know me all the way through. Sanctify me with Your grace. It is the only way to create in me a clean conscience. A pure heart cannot be accomplished or earned. It is only through Your generosity. Like my brother the first Adam it is impossible to hide from You. Whether in the garden or out You see me.
What we are afraid to do before men, we should be afraid to think before God.
-Beilby Porteus
You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
You saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
before a single day had passed.
How precious are your thoughts about me, O God.
They cannot be numbered!
I can’t even count them;
they outnumber the grains of sand!
And when I wake up,
you are still with me!
You are so good to me God. If only I could begin to repay You. Let my actions reflect my heart. To think the God of the universe has innumerable thoughts about me! To think You knit and wove me together wonderfully and marvelously. And then to realize the wretchedness of my heart, how prideful and selfish I am. How ungrateful and doubtful I am. Why Abba are you so good to me? Why are You such an intimate God? Why do You waste Your time creating me with such complexity and skill? You are still with me, always God how does my heart ever rest from praising You? Each beat proclaims Your glory, each breath exhales exultation.
O God, if only you would destroy the wicked!
Get out of my life, you murderers!
They blaspheme you;
your enemies misuse your name.
O Lord, shouldn’t I hate those who hate you?
Shouldn’t I despise those who oppose you?
Yes, I hate them with total hatred,
for your enemies are my enemies.
Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
Point out anything in me that offends you,
and lead me along the path of everlasting life.
I do not want to be Your enemy. I do not want to be against You. You are never against me. You are always for me, I am thankful for Your patience. Jesus I beg You to search me, know me, test me, correct me, lead me. I want to please You. I want to be the man You created not the man I created. Break me, remake me into Your original perfect plan for me, for Adam Your son. O Lord, I do not want to fear the day that I see You face to face. I want to stand before you naked and vulnerable and feel no shame, no condemnation not because of my life, my glory but because of Your mercy, Your grace, Your love, Your sanctification through Your sacrifice. I want to live my life as a free man. I want to enjoy the life You have paved for me. I want to praise You out of love, not obligation, not fear, but gratitude and praise. Abba, guide me on the path of righteousness. Help me live for You not for humans.
You are my only audience. You are my only critic. You are my only judge.
Your love never fails!
I want to fully experience Your perfect love!
One Thing Remains - Jesus Culture
Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced His perfect love.
-1 John 4:18
But there is a great difference between Adam’s sin and God’s gracious gift. For the sin of this one man, Adam, brought death to many. But even greater is God’s wonderful grace and his gift of forgiveness to many through this other man, Jesus Christ.
-Romans 5:15
Friday, March 30, 2012
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
03/27/12
Sanctification is the art of getting used to our justification
-Martin Luther
Accepting Your grace is the most challenging thing for me to comprehend and accomplish. To know that You know my heart's darkest desires, my mind's most corrupt thoughts and yet call me son still. I scarce can take it in. Every mistake, every sin, that I can recall and innumerable ones I am unaware I commit daily You know them all, You see my rebellion and yet you call me son still.
Sanctification, the ceremony in which I am made holy, is simply accepting Your grace. I cannot begin to earn sanctification. I cannot begin to wash or cleanse myself. It is only by Your mercy, Your grace, Your love that I am justified.
How can my earthly heart accept such injustice? I know You know everything I've done. I know You know what I truly deserve. I know You know that it is I who should have hung on that cross and You who should have mocked me as death's sting endures for eternity. Yet you call me son still.
Jesus knew that the Father had given him authority over everything and that he had come from God and would return to God. So he got up from the table, took off his robe, wrapped a towel around his waist, and poured water into a basin. Then he began to wash the disciples’ feet, drying them with the towel he had around him. When Jesus came to Simon Peter, Peter said to him, “Lord, are you going to wash my feet?” Jesus replied, “You don’t understand now what I am doing, but someday you will.” “No,” Peter protested, “you will never ever wash my feet!”
-John 13:3-8
"No Jesus, You will never ever wash my feet!" my wretched heart cries out to You. How could the creator of the universe, creator of my existence, the King above all kings, the most powerful being stoop lower than me and wash my disgusting, filthy feet? My heart turns violently inside of my chest and the one true God of all replies to my protest “Unless I wash you, you won’t belong to Me.” You see my gross feet yet you call me son still.
My worldly heart looks at Your grace and Your mercy and I cry out injustice! It isn't fair that You should pay my price, That You should die so that I may live. You reply, “Get away from me, Satan! You are a dangerous trap to me. You are seeing things merely from a human point of view, not from God’s.”
Sanctification is the simplest most difficult act for me. Simple because it is finished! My debt is paid. Difficult because I have to allow You to wash my feet and acknowledge that You paid my debt.
The prodigal father, the wasteful father. For the son wasn't the most foolish, it was the father. He is the one who is so generous and so extravagant with His possessions. To bless a son who deserves death, what a prodigal father.
Please Come Home - Dustin Kensrue
I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way You love me. Thank You Jesus for seeing all of me and yet You call me son still.
-Martin Luther
Accepting Your grace is the most challenging thing for me to comprehend and accomplish. To know that You know my heart's darkest desires, my mind's most corrupt thoughts and yet call me son still. I scarce can take it in. Every mistake, every sin, that I can recall and innumerable ones I am unaware I commit daily You know them all, You see my rebellion and yet you call me son still.
Sanctification, the ceremony in which I am made holy, is simply accepting Your grace. I cannot begin to earn sanctification. I cannot begin to wash or cleanse myself. It is only by Your mercy, Your grace, Your love that I am justified.
How can my earthly heart accept such injustice? I know You know everything I've done. I know You know what I truly deserve. I know You know that it is I who should have hung on that cross and You who should have mocked me as death's sting endures for eternity. Yet you call me son still.
Jesus knew that the Father had given him authority over everything and that he had come from God and would return to God. So he got up from the table, took off his robe, wrapped a towel around his waist, and poured water into a basin. Then he began to wash the disciples’ feet, drying them with the towel he had around him. When Jesus came to Simon Peter, Peter said to him, “Lord, are you going to wash my feet?” Jesus replied, “You don’t understand now what I am doing, but someday you will.” “No,” Peter protested, “you will never ever wash my feet!”
-John 13:3-8
"No Jesus, You will never ever wash my feet!" my wretched heart cries out to You. How could the creator of the universe, creator of my existence, the King above all kings, the most powerful being stoop lower than me and wash my disgusting, filthy feet? My heart turns violently inside of my chest and the one true God of all replies to my protest “Unless I wash you, you won’t belong to Me.” You see my gross feet yet you call me son still.
My worldly heart looks at Your grace and Your mercy and I cry out injustice! It isn't fair that You should pay my price, That You should die so that I may live. You reply, “Get away from me, Satan! You are a dangerous trap to me. You are seeing things merely from a human point of view, not from God’s.”
Sanctification is the simplest most difficult act for me. Simple because it is finished! My debt is paid. Difficult because I have to allow You to wash my feet and acknowledge that You paid my debt.
The prodigal father, the wasteful father. For the son wasn't the most foolish, it was the father. He is the one who is so generous and so extravagant with His possessions. To bless a son who deserves death, what a prodigal father.
Please Come Home - Dustin Kensrue
I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way You love me. Thank You Jesus for seeing all of me and yet You call me son still.
Saturday, March 24, 2012
03/24/12
We try, when we wake, to lay the new day at God's feet; before we have finished shaving, it becomes our day and God's share in it is felt as a tribute which we must pay out of 'our own' pocket, a deduction from the time which ought, we feel, to be 'our own'.
-C.S.Lewis
How is it that I so easily forget You? In the midst of the wilderness I can do nothing but cry out to You. Once I step forth from the desert You are tossed aside like a life jacket on the shore. I don't want to take my eyes off of You. I don't want to desire anything other than You.
But after I finish my devotion time with You each morning and after my feet have been washed of yesterday's sin I so easily forget who puts the air in my lungs. Who tells the sun to warm my skin. Who set me free.
The one thing I ask of the LORD—
the thing I seek most—
is to live in the house of the LORD all the days of my life,
delighting in the LORD’s perfections
and meditating in his Temple.
-Psalm 27:4
I don't want to forget You. I don't want to take You for granted. I don't want money, popularity, glory, laughter, entertainment, or anything that isn't You. Yesterday I got fitted for a tux and today I went to a bachelor party for another friend. You are all I want. Your presence is more precious than a wife. Whatever it takes to keep my heart hungry for You Lord keep me there.
Jesus, the name that charms my fears, that bids my sorrows cease. It's music in the sinner's ear, it's life, and health, and peace. You break the power of canceled sin, You set the prisoner free. Your blood can make the foulest clean. Your blood availed for me.
I want to live in Your house all the days of my life. I want to find satisfaction in Your perfections and Yours alone. I want to mediate with You. Help me Abba to lay everyday at Your feet.
A Thousand Tongues - Jeff Anderson
-C.S.Lewis
How is it that I so easily forget You? In the midst of the wilderness I can do nothing but cry out to You. Once I step forth from the desert You are tossed aside like a life jacket on the shore. I don't want to take my eyes off of You. I don't want to desire anything other than You.
But after I finish my devotion time with You each morning and after my feet have been washed of yesterday's sin I so easily forget who puts the air in my lungs. Who tells the sun to warm my skin. Who set me free.
The one thing I ask of the LORD—
the thing I seek most—
is to live in the house of the LORD all the days of my life,
delighting in the LORD’s perfections
and meditating in his Temple.
-Psalm 27:4
I don't want to forget You. I don't want to take You for granted. I don't want money, popularity, glory, laughter, entertainment, or anything that isn't You. Yesterday I got fitted for a tux and today I went to a bachelor party for another friend. You are all I want. Your presence is more precious than a wife. Whatever it takes to keep my heart hungry for You Lord keep me there.
Jesus, the name that charms my fears, that bids my sorrows cease. It's music in the sinner's ear, it's life, and health, and peace. You break the power of canceled sin, You set the prisoner free. Your blood can make the foulest clean. Your blood availed for me.
I want to live in Your house all the days of my life. I want to find satisfaction in Your perfections and Yours alone. I want to mediate with You. Help me Abba to lay everyday at Your feet.
A Thousand Tongues - Jeff Anderson
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
03/21/12
I Can't Make You Love Me - Bon Iver
Why not just accept the injustice and leave it at that? Why not let yourselves be cheated?
-1 Corinthians 6:7
Abba, help me just accept it and leave it at that. Make my life new and beautiful.
Why not just accept the injustice and leave it at that? Why not let yourselves be cheated?
-1 Corinthians 6:7
Abba, help me just accept it and leave it at that. Make my life new and beautiful.
Sunday, March 18, 2012
03/18/12
In exactly four months I'll be on the plane to Zambia! Playing with children, teaching in a church, and loving on lepers! Abba why the heck are You so good to me? I am such a sinner, I am such a mess, I am completely broken. Yet here You are using the weak, using the rejected, using the unlikely to show Your grace and Your love to my brothers and sisters. I praise You Jesus You are so good to me! You reached out Your glorious hand. Your hand that created and holds the world. You reached towards me and You said "I want you. I want you so desperately. My love for you is as mighty as the mountains of this planet towering over you. Adam, you have what it takes." You are the God of the forgotten, invisible, and rejected. It couldn't be more beautiful.
Restore our fortunes, LORD,
as streams renew the desert.
Those who plant in tears
will harvest with shouts of joy.
They weep as they go to plant their seed,
but they sing as they return with the harvest.
-Psalm 126:4-6
Jesus send Your refreshing streams to renew this desert heart. How my soul craves for a drink of You. My heart cries "I thirst" and You pour Your majestic living water upon me. Lord overflow my jar so that You spill out of my heart and on to everyone around me. I empty myself. I pour my life out as a drink offering to You and I desire Your perfect blood to fill me. Pursue me with Your goodness and unfailing love all the days of my life.
I'm alive to live for You. Abba I beg for Your kingdom to come today! Right now! Holy Spirit let me breath You in deep. Fill my lungs, fill my soul, This body is not my own it is Yours. More of Your kingdom breaking through on this broken planet. This earth needs Your healing touch, we need You Holy Spirit do not forget us. How could I rise each morning without You? What would be the point of my next breath without You? Thank You thank You thank You, God You are good!
Holding Nothing Back - Jesus Culture
Restore our fortunes, LORD,
as streams renew the desert.
Those who plant in tears
will harvest with shouts of joy.
They weep as they go to plant their seed,
but they sing as they return with the harvest.
-Psalm 126:4-6
Jesus send Your refreshing streams to renew this desert heart. How my soul craves for a drink of You. My heart cries "I thirst" and You pour Your majestic living water upon me. Lord overflow my jar so that You spill out of my heart and on to everyone around me. I empty myself. I pour my life out as a drink offering to You and I desire Your perfect blood to fill me. Pursue me with Your goodness and unfailing love all the days of my life.
I'm alive to live for You. Abba I beg for Your kingdom to come today! Right now! Holy Spirit let me breath You in deep. Fill my lungs, fill my soul, This body is not my own it is Yours. More of Your kingdom breaking through on this broken planet. This earth needs Your healing touch, we need You Holy Spirit do not forget us. How could I rise each morning without You? What would be the point of my next breath without You? Thank You thank You thank You, God You are good!
Holding Nothing Back - Jesus Culture
Thursday, March 15, 2012
03/15/12
From the depths of despair, O LORD,
I call for your help.
Hear my cry, O Lord.
Pay attention to my prayer.
LORD, if you kept a record of our sins,
who, O Lord, could ever survive?
But you offer forgiveness,
that we might learn to fear you.
I am counting on the LORD;
yes, I am counting on him.
I have put my hope in his word.
I long for the Lord
more than sentries long for the dawn,
yes, more than sentries long for the dawn.
O Israel, hope in the LORD;
for with the LORD there is unfailing love.
His redemption overflows.
He himself will redeem Israel
from every kind of sin.
-Psalm 130
Tuesday You blessed me with the opportunity to hug and pray with my brother Gavin home from Guatemala for a bit. Lord it warms my heart to spend time with him and I thank You for his friendship. I cannot wait to stand beside him and shout Holy Holy Holy worthy is the lamb to You for eternity...
And then last night my other friend tells me he tested positive for HIV. God I don't know what to do. You bless me with Gavin's company then slam me with this? Abba hear my cry PLEASE heal him. Please don't let death take him yet. Please wrap him in Your arms this morning as he wakes up. A homeless man with HIV, I don't know how he is so brave. My brother is hurting, please let him know You are with him. Use me to show Your love to him.
LORD, if you kept a record of our sins, who, O Lord, could ever survive? Hope in the LORD; for with the LORD there is unfailing love. His redemption overflows. He himself will redeem us from every kind of sin.
With You there is unfailing love, there is redemption that overflows, there is no record of sin. Help my brother forgive himself because You've already forgiven him. My heart breaks for him. Jesus this world is so broken. You broke the chain of sin and death and I praise You for that. Jesus You are good. You are so good and I ask that You dwell in my brother's heart give him Your powerful peace. Walk with him today. Abba You are good. Rescue my friend from death.
I Am Set Free - All Sons & Daughters
I call for your help.
Hear my cry, O Lord.
Pay attention to my prayer.
LORD, if you kept a record of our sins,
who, O Lord, could ever survive?
But you offer forgiveness,
that we might learn to fear you.
I am counting on the LORD;
yes, I am counting on him.
I have put my hope in his word.
I long for the Lord
more than sentries long for the dawn,
yes, more than sentries long for the dawn.
O Israel, hope in the LORD;
for with the LORD there is unfailing love.
His redemption overflows.
He himself will redeem Israel
from every kind of sin.
-Psalm 130
Tuesday You blessed me with the opportunity to hug and pray with my brother Gavin home from Guatemala for a bit. Lord it warms my heart to spend time with him and I thank You for his friendship. I cannot wait to stand beside him and shout Holy Holy Holy worthy is the lamb to You for eternity...
And then last night my other friend tells me he tested positive for HIV. God I don't know what to do. You bless me with Gavin's company then slam me with this? Abba hear my cry PLEASE heal him. Please don't let death take him yet. Please wrap him in Your arms this morning as he wakes up. A homeless man with HIV, I don't know how he is so brave. My brother is hurting, please let him know You are with him. Use me to show Your love to him.
LORD, if you kept a record of our sins, who, O Lord, could ever survive? Hope in the LORD; for with the LORD there is unfailing love. His redemption overflows. He himself will redeem us from every kind of sin.
With You there is unfailing love, there is redemption that overflows, there is no record of sin. Help my brother forgive himself because You've already forgiven him. My heart breaks for him. Jesus this world is so broken. You broke the chain of sin and death and I praise You for that. Jesus You are good. You are so good and I ask that You dwell in my brother's heart give him Your powerful peace. Walk with him today. Abba You are good. Rescue my friend from death.
I Am Set Free - All Sons & Daughters
Monday, March 12, 2012
03/12/12
When I pray for Your heart. When I ask that you break my heart for what breaks Yours it fully opens my emotions. Suddenly news about strangers stirs in me strong feelings of pain, anger, and grief. My eyes begin to open to the weight of every human's glory. To the realization that every human is my brother or sister, they are all broken, and they are all loved relentlessly and furiously by You.
The cure to racism, sexism, ageism, and prejudice is empathy.
If everyone saw everyone as their family we would treat everyone differently. Life is all about perspective. The broader my perspective the better I become. Help me view everyone as my family. Help me view everywhere as my country.
Satan loves to draw these arbitrary lines in my life. Different families, different countries, different cultures, different denominations, instead of focusing on the similarities I am caught focusing on the differences.
If one part suffers, all the parts suffer with it
-1 Corinthians 12:26
Jesus, my brothers are being abducted and forced to become child soldiers. My sisters are being raped and forced in to sex slavery. As my heart aches and turns within me over the though of this; I cannot imagine the cry of Your heart as You see Your children kidnapping Your children. As they suffer I must suffer beside them.
Abba this world is so broken. My heart cries out the prayer You taught us
May your Kingdom come soon.
May your will be done on earth,
as it is in heaven.
We need Your kingdom to come, we need You! If we are the body Why aren't Your arms reaching? Why aren't Your hands healing? Why aren't Your words teaching? I pray that Your Spirit be dumped out on this country that my eyes would see through Your lens. Don't let the heart of me grow hard because suffering isn't happening to my immediate family. Every human is my immediate family. The world isn't broken, my family is broken. My brothers and sisters are hurting. Not just sleeping on the streets of Columbus not just in the leper colony in Zambia, not just the child soldiers in Uganda, not just the orphans in Haiti, not just the imprisoned in China, not just the forgotten in India, but everywhere. Lord You hear the cries of my family and you love them dearly.
Show me what part of the body I am and put me just where You want me.
Your Great Name - Natalie Grant
Friday, March 9, 2012
03/09/12
With her I felt
Whole, without her there is a
_hole that needs filled
Our hearts grow further and further apart with each sunset. I desire to hear her talk about 5Star. I wish she wanted to tell me how You've been using her in BeYOUtiful. But with each day she becomes a different woman, and I a different man.
Your inadequacy presents you with a continual choice - deep dependence on [God], or despair. The emptiness you feel within will be filled either with problems or with [His] Presence.
-Sarah Young
My inadequacy stares me in the face every time I look in the mirror. She always said she needed a man who could lead her. John Eldredge states at the heart of every man is one basic question: "Do I have what it takes?" Through her actions she screamed in my face at the top of her lungs "NO, Adam you do not have what it takes!" She saw a weak man who could never provide what she needs. She left out of fear, doubt, and her own brokenness.
But when the one person I wanted to be everything to wanted me to be nothing You were there. You stood over me looking down at my shame, my failure, my inadequacy, and You reached out Your glorious hand. Your hand that created and holds the world. You reached towards me and You said "I want you. I want you so desperately. My love for you is relentless as the waves of the ocean crushing you. Adam, you have what it takes." and I reply:
I waited patiently for the LORD to help me,
and he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the pit of despair,
out of the mud and the mire.
He set my feet on solid ground
and steadied me as I walked along.
He has given me a new song to sing,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see what he has done and be amazed.
They will put their trust in the LORD.
She created this emptiness when she left. I am faced with the continual choice to fill it with despair or You. My choice is made. I choose Your presence. Look at how You are using me now. Abba I am overwhelmed by Your love for me. When she saw a man who could never change, never lead her, never have what it takes You pursued me. You lifted me out of the pit and set my feet on solid ground.
"The stone that the builders rejected
has now become the cornerstone.
This is the LORD’s doing,
and it is wonderful to see."
-Psalm 118:22-23
Your upside down Kingdom is so glorious to me. I'm no cornerstone and I know this psalm was a prophecy about You but it reveals a piece of Your heart. Heaven will be filled with pour, powerless, weak failures and it is beautiful. I can barely stand the weight of Your love. I can do nothing but drop to my knees due to the magnitude of Your love falling on me. Jesus I don't know why You keep lifting me up. I am a reject inadequate failure but You still choose to use me. You make this sinner Holy. When she saw a man who doesn't have what it takes to lead her You saw a man who will build leaders.
Halleluja - Jeff Anderson
Love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah
Whole, without her there is a
_hole that needs filled
Our hearts grow further and further apart with each sunset. I desire to hear her talk about 5Star. I wish she wanted to tell me how You've been using her in BeYOUtiful. But with each day she becomes a different woman, and I a different man.
Your inadequacy presents you with a continual choice - deep dependence on [God], or despair. The emptiness you feel within will be filled either with problems or with [His] Presence.
-Sarah Young
My inadequacy stares me in the face every time I look in the mirror. She always said she needed a man who could lead her. John Eldredge states at the heart of every man is one basic question: "Do I have what it takes?" Through her actions she screamed in my face at the top of her lungs "NO, Adam you do not have what it takes!" She saw a weak man who could never provide what she needs. She left out of fear, doubt, and her own brokenness.
But when the one person I wanted to be everything to wanted me to be nothing You were there. You stood over me looking down at my shame, my failure, my inadequacy, and You reached out Your glorious hand. Your hand that created and holds the world. You reached towards me and You said "I want you. I want you so desperately. My love for you is relentless as the waves of the ocean crushing you. Adam, you have what it takes." and I reply:
I waited patiently for the LORD to help me,
and he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the pit of despair,
out of the mud and the mire.
He set my feet on solid ground
and steadied me as I walked along.
He has given me a new song to sing,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see what he has done and be amazed.
They will put their trust in the LORD.
She created this emptiness when she left. I am faced with the continual choice to fill it with despair or You. My choice is made. I choose Your presence. Look at how You are using me now. Abba I am overwhelmed by Your love for me. When she saw a man who could never change, never lead her, never have what it takes You pursued me. You lifted me out of the pit and set my feet on solid ground.
"The stone that the builders rejected
has now become the cornerstone.
This is the LORD’s doing,
and it is wonderful to see."
-Psalm 118:22-23
Your upside down Kingdom is so glorious to me. I'm no cornerstone and I know this psalm was a prophecy about You but it reveals a piece of Your heart. Heaven will be filled with pour, powerless, weak failures and it is beautiful. I can barely stand the weight of Your love. I can do nothing but drop to my knees due to the magnitude of Your love falling on me. Jesus I don't know why You keep lifting me up. I am a reject inadequate failure but You still choose to use me. You make this sinner Holy. When she saw a man who doesn't have what it takes to lead her You saw a man who will build leaders.
Halleluja - Jeff Anderson
Love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
03/06/12
Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and nights. No one said a word to Job, for they saw that his suffering was too great for words.
-Job 2:13
If one part suffers, all the parts suffer with it. Friends sit with friends in grief. They share in each other's pain. No words, no advice, nothing, simply sitting with their friend in grief. I will never forget the day Brian told me she was engaged. I will never forget how he and Alan wouldn't let me go. How they simply sat with me sharing in my pain the whole day.
When Mary arrived and saw Jesus, she fell at his feet and said, “Lord, if only you had been here, my brother would not have died.” When Jesus saw her weeping and saw the other people wailing with her, a deep anger welled up within him, and he was deeply troubled. “Where have you put him?” he asked them. They told him, “Lord, come and see.” Then Jesus wept.
-John 11:32-35
Mary instantly blamed You for her brother's death. How quickly I've raged and blamed You for my suffering. If only You had... I'm sure You know the exact number of prayers I'd had with You that start like that. You didn't defend Yourself. You didn't correct her. You didn't explain the mysteries of the world. You simply sat and wept with them in their pain. You shared in their suffering.
Jesus, You share in my suffering. Jesus You're more than a friend. Abba I know You are near me every time a painful memory floods back in to my mind. Jesus my pain creates a deep anger within You and it deeply troubles You. I know You hate to see Your child in pain. Thank You for being such a loving God. Thank You for sitting with me all of those mornings. I praise You for Your faithfulness.
A funeral procession was coming out as he approached the village gate. The young man who had died was a widow’s only son, and a large crowd from the village was with her. When the Lord saw her, his heart overflowed with compassion. “Don’t cry!” he said.
-Luke 7:12-13
God You are good. How can people say any different? Your heart breaks for Your suffering children. Your heart overflows with compassion. Thank You for simply sitting with me as I go through this wilderness season. Thank You for shedding tears with me as this wound bleeds. You are good Abba.
How He Loves - John Mark McMillan
And you met me between my breaking
I know that I still love you God
Despite the agony
See people they want to tell me your cruel
But if Stephen could sing
He'd say its not true
Cause your good
-Job 2:13
If one part suffers, all the parts suffer with it. Friends sit with friends in grief. They share in each other's pain. No words, no advice, nothing, simply sitting with their friend in grief. I will never forget the day Brian told me she was engaged. I will never forget how he and Alan wouldn't let me go. How they simply sat with me sharing in my pain the whole day.
When Mary arrived and saw Jesus, she fell at his feet and said, “Lord, if only you had been here, my brother would not have died.” When Jesus saw her weeping and saw the other people wailing with her, a deep anger welled up within him, and he was deeply troubled. “Where have you put him?” he asked them. They told him, “Lord, come and see.” Then Jesus wept.
-John 11:32-35
Mary instantly blamed You for her brother's death. How quickly I've raged and blamed You for my suffering. If only You had... I'm sure You know the exact number of prayers I'd had with You that start like that. You didn't defend Yourself. You didn't correct her. You didn't explain the mysteries of the world. You simply sat and wept with them in their pain. You shared in their suffering.
Jesus, You share in my suffering. Jesus You're more than a friend. Abba I know You are near me every time a painful memory floods back in to my mind. Jesus my pain creates a deep anger within You and it deeply troubles You. I know You hate to see Your child in pain. Thank You for being such a loving God. Thank You for sitting with me all of those mornings. I praise You for Your faithfulness.
A funeral procession was coming out as he approached the village gate. The young man who had died was a widow’s only son, and a large crowd from the village was with her. When the Lord saw her, his heart overflowed with compassion. “Don’t cry!” he said.
-Luke 7:12-13
God You are good. How can people say any different? Your heart breaks for Your suffering children. Your heart overflows with compassion. Thank You for simply sitting with me as I go through this wilderness season. Thank You for shedding tears with me as this wound bleeds. You are good Abba.
How He Loves - John Mark McMillan
And you met me between my breaking
I know that I still love you God
Despite the agony
See people they want to tell me your cruel
But if Stephen could sing
He'd say its not true
Cause your good
Saturday, March 3, 2012
03/03/12
It requires more...to rejoice with them that do rejoice than to weep with them that weep. There is none so hardhearted as not to weep over him that is in calamity; but the other requires a very noble soul, so as not only to keep from envying, but even to feel pleasure with the person who is in esteem.
-John Chrysostom
Today began what seems to be the beginning of Your season of breaking me more. Today was Blake and Myra's wedding shower. I had to go and joyfully share in my brothers happiness. Jesus, how am I suppose to feel legitimately happy? How do I share in their joy?
If one part suffers, all the parts suffer with it, and if one part is honored, all the parts are glad.
1 Corinthians 12:26
I've got the 'share in each others suffering' part down well. But how do I feel glad when I feel nothing but envy and self pity?
"Oh so you must be engaged too? Blake told me every man in the group is engaged."
"No, I'm the one single guy in the group."
And the humiliation of swallowing the enormous pill of pride tastes awful.
She wears someone else's ring on her left hand everyday. Abba why? Why did You have to have all of the men in my group get engaged? Why did You have her get engaged 85 days after telling me she loves me and me alone? How can I say congratulations to my friends when I feel bitterness and envy towards marriage? How do I joyfully fill out RSVP cards without a +1?
How do I trust when someone tells me they love me? She saw all of me, all of my ugliest stuff and rejected me, all of me. If I can't trust her with all of me can I trust anyone? Am I not suppose to open up all the way to anyone?
Whether I go to an engagement party, a wedding shower, a bachelor party, or a wedding I can't help but think about her experiencing all of these things without me, by her own free will. Why Father? As men ask me to pray for certain bumps in their wedding planning my broken heart crunches a little more as I try to die to myself and selflessly pray for their weddings. Lord I'm not strong enough to handle this. None of them have known their fiancees as long as her and I dated.
Brandon is proposing to his girlfriend this weekend.
Blake had his wedding shower today
Seth is having his bachelor party in April
Austin and Freado talk about how their weddings are on the same weekend in October
My brother asks me to be in his wedding party in September
Jake asks if he and his wife can crash at my house while they have romantic dates in Columbus
At least she's happy. I guess that's what I've always wanted for her. It's selfish of me to want to be the reason for her happiness. Jesus I have You. When all of my friends are married, I have You. When I spend my nights alone, I have You. When I don't have someone to ask how their day went, I have You. When I don't have a hand to hold as I walk in to church, I have You. When I don't have anyone to sit next to, I have You. When I don't have anyone to share a meal with, I have You. Jesus, I can open up to You. I can trust You. Your faithfulness never fails. Please Jesus don't leave me.
His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:7
The Great Forgiver's Praise - Jeff Anderson
Before I even knew You, You were in love with me
You're the only reason this heart could ever sing
And I thank You now my King
-John Chrysostom
Today began what seems to be the beginning of Your season of breaking me more. Today was Blake and Myra's wedding shower. I had to go and joyfully share in my brothers happiness. Jesus, how am I suppose to feel legitimately happy? How do I share in their joy?
If one part suffers, all the parts suffer with it, and if one part is honored, all the parts are glad.
1 Corinthians 12:26
I've got the 'share in each others suffering' part down well. But how do I feel glad when I feel nothing but envy and self pity?
"Oh so you must be engaged too? Blake told me every man in the group is engaged."
"No, I'm the one single guy in the group."
And the humiliation of swallowing the enormous pill of pride tastes awful.
She wears someone else's ring on her left hand everyday. Abba why? Why did You have to have all of the men in my group get engaged? Why did You have her get engaged 85 days after telling me she loves me and me alone? How can I say congratulations to my friends when I feel bitterness and envy towards marriage? How do I joyfully fill out RSVP cards without a +1?
How do I trust when someone tells me they love me? She saw all of me, all of my ugliest stuff and rejected me, all of me. If I can't trust her with all of me can I trust anyone? Am I not suppose to open up all the way to anyone?
Whether I go to an engagement party, a wedding shower, a bachelor party, or a wedding I can't help but think about her experiencing all of these things without me, by her own free will. Why Father? As men ask me to pray for certain bumps in their wedding planning my broken heart crunches a little more as I try to die to myself and selflessly pray for their weddings. Lord I'm not strong enough to handle this. None of them have known their fiancees as long as her and I dated.
Brandon is proposing to his girlfriend this weekend.
Blake had his wedding shower today
Seth is having his bachelor party in April
Austin and Freado talk about how their weddings are on the same weekend in October
My brother asks me to be in his wedding party in September
Jake asks if he and his wife can crash at my house while they have romantic dates in Columbus
At least she's happy. I guess that's what I've always wanted for her. It's selfish of me to want to be the reason for her happiness. Jesus I have You. When all of my friends are married, I have You. When I spend my nights alone, I have You. When I don't have someone to ask how their day went, I have You. When I don't have a hand to hold as I walk in to church, I have You. When I don't have anyone to sit next to, I have You. When I don't have anyone to share a meal with, I have You. Jesus, I can open up to You. I can trust You. Your faithfulness never fails. Please Jesus don't leave me.
His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:7
The Great Forgiver's Praise - Jeff Anderson
Before I even knew You, You were in love with me
You're the only reason this heart could ever sing
And I thank You now my King
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