Last night I had the strangest dream I have ever had in my life.
First of all I rarely remember dreams. I dreamed I was outside my parents house standing by the road when a vehicle pulled up with Delight driving. She parked it and out of the passenger side Orville stepped out. It's been nearly two years since he's even crossed my mind. I was in disbelief. I realize it was a dream but when you're dreaming, you don't realize it. I ran to him confused and emotional. I hugged him and his giant belly felt just like I recall it, large yet strangely firm. He looked me in the eyes and began to say how proud of me he was. Just as my eyes felt like they were actually going to burst into tears and as he continued my alarm clock went off and the situation immediately vanished. I snoozed it but, you know you can't reenter dreams.
It was so freaking weird, why him, what was he going to say, was it from smelling all that paint yesterday at the new pantry? By far the strangest dream I have ever had in my life.
I'm in a weird place Jesus.
Sometimes I feel perfect, everything in my life is perfect and I just sigh and smile. That same day I sometimes feel very lonely. I say and do things I don't want to do.
Yesterday as I scrapped every single cinder block on the walls of the new pantry alone with no music, no other people, just me, a wire brush, and some blisters I felt completely at peace. Then as I began to paint the walls slowly and in rhythm I felt so calm and close to You.
After the mens group and after Brian went to bed. As I sat on the couch reading "Love Does" with the fire roaring beside me I left lonely. I don't know if it's because the book reminds me of Bea, or if I become envious of Goff's perspective on life, but it was strange. It was a perfect end to an amazing day and I felt incomplete.
In Bob's world everything is so simple. He took one look at Maria and said "There's Mrs. Goff", then he pursued her for three freaking years until she broke and they got engaged.
That's not how it works, I would know. When I pursue all I get is an "Adam, i told you i'm not in a place to be pursued. please do not pursue me." haha I'd like to ask Bob, do you pursue still because your feelings must be expressed, or do you respect her and stop? And if it's the latter, which I assume it is, Then what would Bob do?
I keep getting this itch to walk up to her grab her hand, look her in the eye and say, "Let's run!" and we go off on an adventure, the beach, the woods, the mountains, big cities, small farms, we just go.
That's what I think Bob would do, and that's what I think Jesus invites us into, an adventure.
But this world is broken. Life doesn't seem to work for me the way it does for Goff. And The kingdom hasn't fully come so Jesus' way becomes challenging.
Love is such an interesting thing. I've expressed this before. It must come from free will, but yet we must pursue and romance? It doesn't make sense and when do You know when to quit Jesus? Do You ever quit? But doesn't pursuing someone sometimes cause them to dart in the opposite direction?
"If you love her let her go" sort of stuff? Is that what Hell is? Is Hell the "if you love her let her go" place for You?
I don't know, my coffee and toast is getting cold. I want more times like painting with you. I want my time alone curled up with a book by the fire to feel content. Lacking nothing.
Then again, "It is not good for the man to be alone."
Mumford & Sons - White Blank Page
First of all I rarely remember dreams. I dreamed I was outside my parents house standing by the road when a vehicle pulled up with Delight driving. She parked it and out of the passenger side Orville stepped out. It's been nearly two years since he's even crossed my mind. I was in disbelief. I realize it was a dream but when you're dreaming, you don't realize it. I ran to him confused and emotional. I hugged him and his giant belly felt just like I recall it, large yet strangely firm. He looked me in the eyes and began to say how proud of me he was. Just as my eyes felt like they were actually going to burst into tears and as he continued my alarm clock went off and the situation immediately vanished. I snoozed it but, you know you can't reenter dreams.
It was so freaking weird, why him, what was he going to say, was it from smelling all that paint yesterday at the new pantry? By far the strangest dream I have ever had in my life.
I'm in a weird place Jesus.
Sometimes I feel perfect, everything in my life is perfect and I just sigh and smile. That same day I sometimes feel very lonely. I say and do things I don't want to do.
Yesterday as I scrapped every single cinder block on the walls of the new pantry alone with no music, no other people, just me, a wire brush, and some blisters I felt completely at peace. Then as I began to paint the walls slowly and in rhythm I felt so calm and close to You.
After the mens group and after Brian went to bed. As I sat on the couch reading "Love Does" with the fire roaring beside me I left lonely. I don't know if it's because the book reminds me of Bea, or if I become envious of Goff's perspective on life, but it was strange. It was a perfect end to an amazing day and I felt incomplete.
In Bob's world everything is so simple. He took one look at Maria and said "There's Mrs. Goff", then he pursued her for three freaking years until she broke and they got engaged.
That's not how it works, I would know. When I pursue all I get is an "Adam, i told you i'm not in a place to be pursued. please do not pursue me." haha I'd like to ask Bob, do you pursue still because your feelings must be expressed, or do you respect her and stop? And if it's the latter, which I assume it is, Then what would Bob do?
I keep getting this itch to walk up to her grab her hand, look her in the eye and say, "Let's run!" and we go off on an adventure, the beach, the woods, the mountains, big cities, small farms, we just go.
That's what I think Bob would do, and that's what I think Jesus invites us into, an adventure.
But this world is broken. Life doesn't seem to work for me the way it does for Goff. And The kingdom hasn't fully come so Jesus' way becomes challenging.
Love is such an interesting thing. I've expressed this before. It must come from free will, but yet we must pursue and romance? It doesn't make sense and when do You know when to quit Jesus? Do You ever quit? But doesn't pursuing someone sometimes cause them to dart in the opposite direction?
"If you love her let her go" sort of stuff? Is that what Hell is? Is Hell the "if you love her let her go" place for You?
I don't know, my coffee and toast is getting cold. I want more times like painting with you. I want my time alone curled up with a book by the fire to feel content. Lacking nothing.
Then again, "It is not good for the man to be alone."
Mumford & Sons - White Blank Page