Wednesday, July 24, 2013

07/24/13

A Shot at Life

I've been thinking a lot about the world and the culture that I live in. I'm not sure if I'm going to express these thoughts very well.

I don't know if some of it is because I'm lazy right now or if its because my writing skills are limited:

Idea #1: The world turns Christian things against them

I've been thinking about how all higher education institutions were established by religious people. The majority of American colleges and Universities were established under Christian world views. As a matter of fact Harvard is named after John Harvard who was a minister!

Not just education but also hospitals, most hospitals start with a Saint (insert name) Hospital or (Insert name) Methodist hospital. Yet medicine today laughs christians not understanding that Christians were the pioneers in medicine!

Orphanages were first founded by Christians. During the first century prior to abortion if a family didn't want a child they would simply discard the new born on the street along with the rest of the trash. The Christians were the ones collecting the unwanted children and showing them love.

Helping the poor, It has been God's focus to care for the poor and the oppressed!

why am I saying all of this? I guess I am venting because when America thinks of Christians they don't seem to think of a well educated, generous, pro-modern medicine, kind loving person. Instead it seems that the smartest in America are atheist, it seems our best doctors are atheists, it seems our nonprofits and government programs for the poor and the parentless are majority of the time run by atheists.

Christians have this stigma of being judgemental and dimwitted. Both of which Jesus was nothing like.

Idea #2: The use of the word love

All You Need Is Love - The Beatles

Macklemore & Ryan Lewis - Same Love

NAT KING COLE  - L-O-V-E

What is love? we toss it around like all you need is love. and Just love everyone. Love Love Love, it is by far the most over used word I've heard But what the heck does it even mean? What is it to love someone? What does love look like? Why do other languages have many different words for it but we simply have the one...Love... are we even all on the same page when we talk about this thing, is it a feeling? Is it a verb? Is it a noun? Does love mean leaving everyone as they are? Does love mean helping them achieve more? Does love mean determining what's best for someone? What is love? I think love is a great idea in the same sense that the "American dream" is a great idea the problem is no one knows what the hell either of them really are!
this leads me to my next idea

Idea #3: We worship love instead of God but the definition of love is in the individual's eyes

Everyone seems to agree what we ought to simply love everybody. But the system starts to break down when you ask the question what does it mean to love someone?

Everyone has their own idea of love.

Sometimes I think some people believe they have the ability to actually display love better than God can. I think they find themselves thinking they show more compassion, more grace, more forgiveness, more love than God Himself.

The problem of course being that God is love.

Therefore God is the definition of love thus we cannot be more loving than God for we would be more godly than God, which is impossible.

Our culture today reminds me of God's words to Job:

Do you still want to argue with the Almighty?
    You are God’s critic, but do you have the answers?
Brace yourself like a man,
    because I have some questions for you,
    and you must answer them.
Will you discredit my justice
    and condemn me just to prove you are right?
Are you as strong as God?
-Job 40

This idea that love is in the individual's eyes could be taken another route to say the individual believes they are the ultimate judge. The individuality mentality in our culture has created millions of gods walking the planet saying I can "have it my way" and the customer (being me) is always right. It's to the point where God makes the statement "You are God's critic" but then asks "but do you have the answers?"

We don't have the answers some of us are convinced we do but ultimately as we each read chapter 40 in the book of Job we all seem to find the universal reaction to the chapter, the very same response Job expressed

 I am nothing—how could I ever find the answers?
    I will cover my mouth with my hand.
 I have said too much already.
    I have nothing more to say.
-Job 40

The thing I like about God is that He has a backbone and a pretty badass one too! He is able to say here are my laws, this is where I stand and if you don't like it...here are the consequences. Everything it our culture screams THAT'S NOT LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!! But Love himself simply smiles back asking "and tell me what do you know of love?"

The truth is the stuff that sounds awesome when we hear people say "all you need is love" and just love everyone and everything, its actually very cowardly and people pleasing. It doesn't stand for anything. It is like a fairy tale, it sounds perfect but it isn't true and it isn't possible.

Idea #4: Human rights only for people who agree with ideals.

What does the yellow equal sign in the blue background mean? Human rights?

according to the HRC website their mission statement is:

The Human Rights Campaign is America's largest civil rights organization working to achieve lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender equality. By inspiring and engaging all Americans, HRC strives to end discrimination against LGBT citizens and realize a nation that achieves fundamental fairness and equality for all.

achieves fundamental fairness and equality for all?

It isn't possible.

Whenever you say yes to one thing you are saying no to another.

for instance if you allow the LGBT community to get married then you are taking away human rights for those who believe marriage is between one man and one woman.

If you abolish slavery, you take away the human rights to own another human.

If you want a cheap cell phone, you take away the human rights of children in sweat shops.

The door swings both ways.

Of course I don't agree with slavery in any form whether that be human trafficking, sweatshops, forced labor. But I hope if you have any sort of brain in your head at all you understand my point.

The goal of human rights, the goal of "Love" isn't possible because some will always be treated unfairly.

So the question comes into play:

Who gets to decide which humans will be treated the way they want and which will not?

It essentially become human rights for whoever agrees with my point of view.

How is that any different than the thinking of the bigots and the oppressors you are fighting against?

Instead of pretending to have this noble cause of love and "human rights" why not instead come out and make a stance that says LGBT community should be able to get married with tax benefits and such, if you disagree fuck you you can get out of this country!

This leads me down a rabbit trail that my mind always seems to go down when considering the idea of "human rights"

pro-choice

the term seems contradictory, choice for who? the human carrying or the human being carried? What rights does the human who isn't born yet have? none, they don't get a vote on whether they should live or not? So by saying pro-choice, you are also saying no-choice... does that make sense?

The thing I love about Jesus is that He drew lines. He said this is where I stand either follow me or not. He has a backbone. He made the hard calls that pissed people off. He said I know who I am and I know what I believe and if you don't agree too bad.

It feels to me as if the humans rights and the love people in our culture today would look at a strung out coke head and think "live and let live" "who am I to say what is good and what is bad for this guy?" but Jesus on the other hand says "let me help you get out of that, it isn't good for you!"

And that I think is love. Discipline is love. Laws are love. God is love.

Sigur Rós: Dauðalogn

Saturday, July 20, 2013

07/20/13

 Humility is power under control.

The mask I wear is one of apathy which comes from anger which comes from stubbornness which comes from pride.

Why do I wear this mask?
Why am I scared to take it off?

If I remove my mask, who am I? What's left?

You must not convict anyone of a crime on the testimony of only one witness. The facts of the case must be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.
-Deuteronomy 19

Growing up we are created to believe what our parents say about our worth. We are created to trust that we are enough, that we are wonderful, that we are loved. But if I hold apathy towards my parents, if their testimony holds no water in my eyes, then this system of love is broken down.

Thus my mask was forged.

My mask defines my worth, my mask is my own view of my worth. But one witness isn't enough. So I spend my life searching for the second witness.

If it isn't my parents,
If it isn't women,
If it isn't friends,
I spend this life walking the earth asking: Am I worthy?

People struggling with anorexia aren't striving to be thin.
They are running from being fat.

If we spend out lives running from we will never reach our destination.

The weight of lies will bring you down
And follow you to every town 'cause
Nothing happens here that doesn't happen there
When you run make sure you run
To something and not away from 'cause
Lies don't need an aeroplane to chase you anywhere
-The Avett Brothers

If I am running from taking off my mask then I will never get to reality.

If the fear is financial security then no number in the bank account will be enough.
If the fear is obesity then no number on the scale will be enough.
If the fear is originality then no number of followers will be enough.

Even in literature and art, no man who bothers about originality will ever be original: whereas if you simply try to tell the truth (without caring twopence how often it has been told before) you will, nine times out of ten, become original without ever having noticed it.
-C. S. Lewis

If I hold apathy and pride towards the opinions of others love for me I will forever run from being mundane.

If I am not original then I am not special
If I am not special then I am not important
If I am not important then I am not different
If I am not different then I am a drop in the ocean
If I am a drop in the ocean what is the point of me?
What is the value of me?

Thus the deep root of this weed that is my mask is revealed.

What if I take off this mask of being stubborn, being handsome, being funny, being popular, being original, being Zack Morris, Brad Pitt? What's left? What value is there to me? Who am I?

I have a fear of failure.

If I try then I risk
If I risk I could fail
If I fail then I am not perfect
If I am not perfect then I am not successful
If I am not successful then I am not original...

Suddenly I begin to see that all of these weeds in the garden of my heart as I pull them from the soil connect to the same root.

if I do not stand out then I am insignificant.

The paradox is that if I try to seek fame, if I try to seek originality, as Lewis says: no man who bothers about originality will ever be original.

Renown is can never truly be sought but rather earned.

If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it.
-Matthew 16

The interesting paradox is if you care about fame you will live a life of fear always running from insignificance. However if you do not care about fame how would you become famous merely living your mundane life?

Speak softly and carry a big stick; you will go far.
the iron fist in the velvet glove.
Big dogs don't need to bark.

The paradox of losing your life in order to find it baffles and yet captivates me.

It goes against everything my logical mind tell me.

In order to float you must not flail.

Listen up, maggots. You are not special. You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake. You're the same decaying organic matter as everything else.
It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything.
You're not your job. You're not how much money you have in the bank. You're not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet. You're not your fucking khakis. You're the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world.
-Tyler Durden

It is my biggest fear. It is the reason I can't take off the Zack Morris, Brad Pitt, Stubborn mask. What if I am not a beautiful or unique snowflake? What if I am the same decaying organic matter as everything else?

But what if I surrender?
What if I surrender to God? What if I decide to take off the mask, What if I come to terms with this idea that I am a drop in the ocean? What if come to terms with the idea I am the same decaying organic matter as everything else?

I love fight club for this very reason, Its probably the genesis of my love for Brad Pitt. This idea of hitting rock bottom, this idea of giving up, this idea of not caring about anything and simply existing, this idea of being free completely free, free from materialism, free from money, free from opinions, free from everything, to peel it all back and find the raw ugly truth of reality.

Tyler Durden: Shut up! Our fathers were our models for God. If our fathers bailed, what does that tell you about God?
Narrator: No, no, I... don't...
Tyler Durden: Listen to me! You have to consider the possibility that God does not like you. He never wanted you. In all probability, he hates you. This is not the worst thing that can happen.
Narrator: It isn't?
Tyler Durden: We don't need him!

This is where Tyler and I differ in our theology. I love all of this teachings and ideas but his perception of God is warped by our fathers. But the interesting truth about this scene is that it reveals how masks are formed.

At Least, it explains how my mask was formed more than 20 years ago.
If my parents bailed, or rather didn't show me the love I require as an image bearer of God then I don't need them. Then apathy is formed, then anger is planted, then stubbornness sprouts.
Wounds are usually formed not out of anger, apathy, or hatred but rather out of love and caring! It is from loving too much and getting burned that we say "Fine I didn't care anyway" apathy comes from cognitive dissonance.

It is the story of The Fox and the Grapes. If God does not like me, If God doesn't want me, if God hates me, I DON'T NEED HIM!

It is an all to common wound found in atheists.
Control freaks
perfectionists
mask wearers
...me

The beauty of Tyler Durden is that he was created by a homosexual atheist named Chuck Palahniuk. This truth and wisdom through this character has brought me closer and closer to God.

Last night I was up watching Netflix, specifically the film  Conan O'Brien Can't Stop.

In the film there is a scene as he is driving the camera man and him are engaged in a conversation. Conan talks about his need to get back in the spotlight, about how he can't stand not being on TV during the conversation the man holding the camera asks this profound question:

Do you think you could have fun without an audience in front of you?

Conan sits staring straight ahead as he's driving...the scene holds and its completely silent.

I never thought about the brokenness of celebrities before... It made me think about Michael Jordan, Brett Favre...what happens when these people who wear masks of worth from audiences have to stop... can they still have fun without the spotlight?

I started to think about the kids in my class.

Are there kids in my class that seek and starve for my attention, yes.
Are there kids in my class that don't need my attention, yes.

Is one group worth more in my opinion? Hell no!

Do they both gain my attention? yes but in two very different ways.

The former gain my attention through strife and nagging
The latter gain my attention through originality and uniqueness

There are problem children who do not listen who do their own thing
There are also children who listen and don't cause a scence.

Do I notice them both? yes

But for two very different reasons.

One is because I must constantly correct and discipline
The other because they are selected as the line leader, they get called to eat lunch first, they are rewarded.

It's as if not seeking attention gains them this beautiful attention and those seeking attention gains them this different attention...

Are we any different to our Father in heaven? Is one worth more in God's opinion? Hell no!

I look at the life of Jesus,
He spent His time on earth telling people He healed not to tell anyone.
He spent His time giving these strange teachings about eating Him and how we must desire to walk down death row.
He spent his life serving, not caring a bit for fame...
He is the most famous person in all of history...

The upsidedown Kingdom.

Looking at the example of the trinity:

This is my dearly loved Son, who brings me great joy.
-The Father
It is best for you that I go away, because if I don’t, the Advocate won’t come. If I do go away, then I will send him to you.
-The Son
But I will send you the Advocate—the Spirit of truth. He will come to you from the Father and will testify all about me.
-The Holy Spirit

So The Father glorifies the Spirit and Son
The Son glorifies the Father and Spirit
The Spirit glorifies the Son and Father

perfect love not seeking its own but selfless love in it's purest holiest perfect form.

Our model for love, God, who is love.

How do I take off the mask?
It is only after I trust the witness of God that I have great worth that I can remove this mask.
It is only after I lose my life that I will find it.

The facts of the case must be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.
-Deuteronomy 19

 Humility is power under control.

Maxence Cyrin - Where Is My Mind

Thursday, July 18, 2013

07/18/13

Eminem - Lose Yourself


All the pain inside amplified by the fact
That I can't get by with my 9 to 5
And I can't provide the right type of life for my family
Cause man, these goddamn food stamps don't buy diapers
And it's no movie, there's no Mekhi Phifer, this is my life
And these times are so hard, and it's getting even harder
Trying to feed and water my seed, plus
Teeter totter caught up between being a father and a prima donna
Baby mama drama's screaming on and
Too much for me to wanna
Stay in one spot, another day of monotony
Has gotten me to the point, I'm like a snail
I've got to formulate a plot or I end up in jail or shot
Success is my only motherfucking option, failure's not
Mom, I love you, but this trailer's got to go
I cannot grow old in Salem's lot
So here I go it's my shot.
Feet fail me not, this may be the only opportunity that I got

I was driving in my car the other day and "lose yourself" came on the radio. When it got to the final verse in the song I really enjoyed how raw and real the lyrics are.

a 9 to 5 can't provide the life he wants for his kids.
food stamps don't buy diapers.
plus the brokenness of the relationship between him and the mother of his daughter.

reminds me of the systems in which we live in and are completely oblivious to.

There is an oppressive system in place that most of the time goes unnoticed.
Unless we see in the news the Occupy Wall Street protesters or when certain companies make an idiot out of themselves  middle and upper class citizens are ignorant and will be unless we have walked a mile in the shoes of those living in poverty.

However we love to live by this motto of work hard and you'll be rich in America. Its a pipe dream it isn't real. We point to examples like  Chris Gardner and Eminem but what we forget to consider and Eminem said it best when he said:

'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up?

There is only one Slim Shady, one Eminem. For every Eminem there are millions of imitators still on food stamps still working those 9 to 5s.

God isn't ignorant to this.

starting His life as a human He chose a Salem's trailer lot-esk way to enter in the food trough of a barn. Our God is not a distant unrelatable God. He understands we will always have the poor and they will always need certain laws and boundaries to protect their rights and lives.

Exodus 23
In a lawsuit, you must not deny justice to the poor.

Leviticus 19:10
It is the same with your grape crop—do not strip every last bunch of grapes from the vines, and do not pick up the grapes that fall to the ground. Leave them for the poor and the foreigners living among you. I am the Lord your God.

Leviticus 25:35
If one of your fellow Israelites falls into poverty and cannot support himself, support him as you would a foreigner or a temporary resident and allow him to live with you.

Deuteronomy 15:10
Give generously to the poor, not grudgingly, for the Lord your God will bless you in everything you do.

Job 34:19
He doesn’t care how great a person may be, and he pays no more attention to the rich than to the poor. He made them all.

Matthew 5:3
God blesses those who are poor and realize their need for him, for the Kingdom of Heaven is theirs.

I love this about the Creator. The idea that He sees all. Even the invisible to human eyes, He see, even further, He loves.

How can anything be more important than the lives of humans? How can politicians debate over welfare and food stamps? feeding people and giving healthcare to people should be our first priority as humans. Not just Americans, not just the rich...all humans should be fed and treated. How can we even begin to talk about human rights in this country about gay marriage when we have the power, the medicine to save lives around the world but instead spend millions on movies, tv, entertainment, fancy food, cars? What right do we have to talk about "human rights" to any degree as a country? We cut programs to feed humans to feed brothers and sisters in order to put that money elsewhere? what is more important that other humans?

Sometimes this life, this world we humans have created seems so dark and hopeless, but there is a kingdom that is slowly spreading. It cannot be stopped and it cannot be cut off. It is a kingdom of love a kingdom of hope and just when life seems it's darkest light always shines. Darkness cannot beat light. Evil cannot beat good.

We need to acknowledge the oppressive systems at work in our world and we need to shine light and love on them.

Sigur Rós - Varðeldur

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

07/16/13

One morning Preston's mother dropped him off. He clung to her as I had to peel him off. Afterwards as the kids were playing Preston wailed on another kid. I looked at him with confusion. Normally I'd speak sternly and tell him to take a break but something in me decided to handle this situation differently. I scooped him up and in my arms I asked him

"What's wrong Preston?"

Seconds went by as he stared off refusing eye contact. Then it happened...

His face scrunched up really tight, his mouth opened in the shape of a boomerang and tears began to run down his cheeks. 

"I want mommy" came pouring out of his tiny open mouth. 

I starting thinking about us adults and our brokenness. Us adults and our wounds.

I knew Preston wasn't the type to hit, he isn't a "bad kid" So what drove him to hit? He missed his mother? How does that make sense? How could missing your mom be expressed in the form of violence and anger?

I started wondering about all the violent and angry adults not just in my life but on the planet. I wonder if we proverbially picked them up and held them in our arms and asked "what's wrong" the reaction would be?

I started thinking about the toughest homeless person I've met and how unbelievably fragile they really are emotionally. I began to think about the kids in the juvenile correctional facility I use to visit. How they would talk about never having visitors things like that. I am reminded of the bloods and crips how underneath the violence and anger is a desire for family and loyalty. 

Can the sin really be held against them? Can violence be charged against my brothers and sisters who are really a house of cards on the inside? If God sees the heart then I wonder how many innocent men God sees in the prison system today.

How many people act out of their wounds their brokenness in an unhealthy destructive way?

How many of them instead of getting a stern talk and taking a break (from society) really need a safe place to heal?

How many of them just need scooped up in the arms of a loving safe being and asked "what's wrong?"

Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.
-Jesus

Maybe that's why Jesus spent his time with the "bad kids" maybe they aren't "bad" at all. Maybe they are hurting. Maybe they need rest. Maybe they need to come to a humble and gentle heart. I wonder what Heaven will look like. I wonder who will be there, I think it'll be shockingly beautiful.

Sigur Rós: Varúð

Friday, July 12, 2013

07/12/13

Don’t you realize that your bodies are actually parts of Christ? Should a man take his body, which is part of Christ, and join it to a prostitute? Never! And don’t you realize that if a man joins himself to a prostitute, he becomes one body with her? For the Scriptures say, “The two are united into one.” But the person who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with him.
-1 Corinthians 6

the two are united into one
-Genesis 2

Fireproof Clip - Salt and Pepper


Oxytocin

What is happening here? What does it mean to become united into one? What does it look like to have two people have one flesh?

Is this all spiritual? Or is there something physical happening here?

Did God design our bodies to live a certain way? Did he build us for relationships to have a certain order?

Oxytocin

Eddie Murphy - Raw (1987)


despite Eddie's perspective on the topic and his very brash way of putting it, Eddie has stumbled upon something very profound. Why is it that women bond to some men? What has happened? Aside from Eddie's take on what to do with this sort of faithfulness it has discovered a part of God's beautiful design of relationships.

Chemical Formula: C43H66N12O12S2

Sheryl Crow - The First Cut Is The Deepest


Sheryl mentions the first cut being the deepest but fails to understand exactly why that is. Just listening to her lyrics you can see something spiritual has taken place. A sort of salt and pepper tear if you will.

Oxytocin is a mammalian neurohypophysial hormone that acts primarily as a neuromodulator in the brain.

Scientists have found many interesting effects of the chemical.

In the prairie vole, oxytocin released into the brain of the female during sexual activity is important for forming a monogamous pair bond with her sexual partner. Vasopressin appears to have a similar effect in males. Oxytocin has a role in social behaviors in many species, so it likely also does in humans.

Oxytocin is a chemical that is released in women during orgasm. It helps promote monogamous bonds with the sexual partner.

Oxytocin affects social distance between adult males and females, and may be responsible at least in part for romantic attraction and subsequent monogamous pair bonding. An oxytocin nasal spray caused men in a monogamous relationship, but not single men, to increase the distance between themselves and an attractive woman during a first encounter by 10 to 15 centimeters. The researchers suggested that oxytocin may help promote fidelity within monogamous relationships.

It is also released during childbirth to bond the mother to her child.

Oxytocin evokes feelings of contentment, reductions in anxiety, and feelings of calmness and security around the mate. This suggests oxytocin may be important for the inhibition of the brain regions associated with behavioral control, fear, and anxiety, thus allowing orgasm to occur. Oxytocin also functions to protect against stress.

Oxytocin helps the women feel safe around her partner. This chemical tells the women that who she is with is safe and trustworthy.

In a risky investment game, experimental subjects given nasally administered oxytocin displayed "the highest level of trust" twice as often as the control group. Subjects who were told they were interacting with a computer showed no such reaction, leading to the conclusion that oxytocin was not merely affecting risk-aversion. Nasally administered oxytocin has also been reported to reduce fear, possibly by inhibiting the amygdala (which is thought to be responsible for fear responses).

In some studies, high levels of plasma oxytocin have been correlated with romantic attachment. For example, if a couple is separated for a long period of time, anxiety can increase due to the lack of physical affection. Oxytocin may aid romantically attached couples by decreasing their feelings of anxiety when they are separated.

Oxytocin is the glue between the salt and pepper shakers. It is the reason women will trust men when they say "sorry" for infidelity. It is the reason the first cut is the deepest.

We aren't build to experience this chemical reaction with several different people.

It is meant to be released in a very safe, trusting, intimate relationship with one person.

This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.
-Genesis 2

When Jesus had finished saying these things, he left Galilee and went down to the region of Judea east of the Jordan River. Large crowds followed him there, and he healed their sick. Some Pharisees came and tried to trap him with this question: “Should a man be allowed to divorce his wife for just any reason?” “Haven't you read the Scriptures?” Jesus replied. “They record that from the beginning ‘God made them male and female.’” And he said, “‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.”
-Matthew 19

What is Paul saying to the Corinthian church about having sex with prostitutes? Sexual Immorality in general?

I don't believe God or Paul have a problem with marrying a prostitute (See the book of Hosea) I think the problem is having sex with someone, become one with someone, and then splitting apart that bond that is created. Sex has a context. Sex has an order to be fully enjoyed, fully experienced. That context is a covenant between one man, one woman, and God until death.

It's interesting the things we do in life not knowing exactly what we are doing. We throw rocks into water not knowing where the wake will go.

Sigur Rós - Ég anda


(I took all the information about the chemical Oxytocin from Wikipedia)

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

07/10/13

Preach the Gospel at all times, and when necessary, use words.
― St. Francis of Assisi

Over the years of my theology and walk with Christ my perspective of this quote has changed over and over again.

At first I loved the quote. It sounds really great.

Then as I got into a more legalistic theology I thought it was worthless to not use words. For Jesus is the only way and the only way to Jesus is words.

So back and forth I've done with this quote. The more I walk with God the more I wrestle with my maker.

But one thing I have come to realize, and this too has hit me again and again in so many different ways I can't control anything except myself. When I first wrote the letter over a year and a half ago it was coming from a place of hurt. But the wound has healed and the truth remains but without the bitterness.

Not just Christians, but people, tend to try to convince people to agree with their beliefs. We try to persuade people that our way is the best way. I've learned over time that this is an expression of our brokenness. An expression of our insecurity.

We need people to agree with us because it confirms our beliefs. We need to feel like we are on the right path and one way to do that is to find community who agrees.

This is not the way Jesus lived.

Jesus was the only human in the history of the world who knew exactly who He was, Why He was here, and what He believed.

Jesus didn't have to try to convince people or persuade people He simply was who He was.

As I look back on this quote from Francis of Assisi I find an inner peace at work.

Jesus had the ability to hang with strippers and villains because He knew who He was. He didn't have to beat them over the head with rules and things because He knew who He was.

He had the ability to completely love and accept everyone as they are where they are. Jesus didn't have anything to prove. He didn't need the public eye to agree, He had the Father's eyes, which were well pleased. Jesus didn't need the church community to back Him. He knew what He believed and who He was, or rather, is.

Preach the Gospel at all times, and when necessary, use words.

I completely agree with this statement once again.

I agree we shouldn't have an agenda with our love. I agree we shouldn't have secret motives with our love. I agree we shouldn't have benchmarks and goals and achievements with our love. When we come face to face with a nonbeliever our mind shouldn't switch to "ok it's up to me to save this person so I need to begin infiltrating their lives by showing them love until I am able to shove Jesus down their throat."

If we believe the teachings of Jesus are the best way to live our lives then we will live according to them whether anyone is looking or not. If we are living according to the teachings whether anyone is looking or not we should have no problem genuinely loving any stranger we meet. We shouldn't have to switch to "evangelism mode" We would already be stuck on "love mode."

At that point we would be able to go wherever darkness is knowing that God knows our hearts.

 And so I am able to eat food offered to idols without having to state a clause to the people around me. God knows my heart. So I am able to go to that place and shine love without an agenda. And so I am able to go to an abortion clinic with a friend, I am able to go to a gay wedding, I am able to go to a bar, I am able to go to a casino, I am able to go to any concert, I am able to go to any movie, I am able to go anywhere knowing that I bring the light.

I can't save anyone, That business is up to the Holy Spirit. God knows where I stand. He knows my heart. I am called to show love, truth, grace, and mercy and leave the rest to the Holy Spirit who loves this person more than I can measure.

So Jesus teaches us not to pray in public, not to separate ourselves. Not to do anything for the opinions of people. Instead do it in secret so that it is only for our Father in Heaven, The only judge that matters, the only opinion.

Darkness can't extinguish light it doesn't work that way. Light always conquers dark. There should be no place on this earth that Christians can't go. Darkness has no power over light. Do we truly believe what Jesus said?

Sigur Rós - Rembihnútur

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

07/09/13










Atlantic Beach 2013

Sigur Rós - Fjögur píanó

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

07/02/13

From the book: For Men Only

Our surface understanding.

1) Women need to feel loved

2) Women are emotional

3) Women want security

4) She doesn't want you to fix it; she just wants you to listen

6) She wants to look attractive

What it means in practice.

1) Even if your relationship is great, your mate likely has a fundamental insecurity about your love and when that insecurity is triggered she may respond in ways that confuse or dismay you until she feels reassured

2) Women deal with multiple thoughts and emotions from their past and present all the time, at the same time and these can't be easily dismissed

3) Your woman needs emotional security and closeness with you so much that she will endure financial insecurity to get it.

4) WHen she is sharing an emotional problem, her feelings and her desire to be heard are much more important than the problem itself

6) Inside your smart, secure wife lives a little girl who deeply needs to know that you find her beautiful and that you only have eyes for her

1) Hidden triggers:
Conflict
Withdrawal
Silence
Her emotional bank account is depleted
You're absent a lot
Unresolved relationship issues
Guide to turning off warning lights:
In the face of insecurity, reassure her
Even after you've caught her, continue to pursue her
Part 1: Regular Reassurance
-During conflict, reassure her of your love
-When you need space, reassure her that it's not about her
-If she's upset, realize she doesn't need space, she needs a hug
-If she needs to talk about the relationship, do your best to listen without becoming defensive
-If she is being difficult, don't stop keep reassuring her of your love
Part 2: Persistent Pursuit
-Act like you are dating and pursuing ALWAYS
-Always pursue

2)Sequential strategies for sequential minds
1 Rethink your assumptions about how she thinks
2 Realize you may not be the issue, even though you're affected by the issue
3 Be her hero and help her clear those distracting or painful windows so they don't keep coming back

3)Money talks but emotional security sings
What security means to her
-she feels that the two of you are close
-she sees that you make time together a priority
-she sees your commitment to her
-she sees that you are active in the life of the home
-she sees you making an effort to provide as long as that doesn't crowd out the 4 above

Postcard From 1952 - Explosions in The Sky