And as I spoke I was remembering the concentration camp where chaos had reigned and God had appeared absent and I had never known from one day to the next whether I would survive. Then my memory spun backwards beyond the war - both wars - to my childhood when again I had lived with uncertainty and never known from one day to the next if my strict father would decide to beat me in order to bring me up properly. One had to have certainties otherwise life became hideous, painful, terrifying. Order had to be promoted and defended with tenacity. It was a question of survival... I was floundering around in reality now, that violent world where death tore gaping holes in the fabric of life, but fortunately my position as bishop meant that I knew how to reduce it to order. There were rituals to be observed, tradition to be embraced, standards to be maintained.
-Chapter 7 Absolute Truths by Susan Howatch
I was born in the small town of Wauseon Ohio in December of 1987. Wauseon's population is around 7,000 people. The place is about 82% white and 14% Hispanic. My family moved once in my life from one house in Wauseon to another. My parents have been married since 1982. They have had the same two jobs since I was born. From birth to 20 life was very organized. Very orderly.
There is only one high school in Wauseon.
I had the same friends from kindergarten to graduation.
I attended my small town christian church with my entire family from birth until graduation.
I started working for my father at a local lumber yard when I was 15 and continued to every summer until I was 19.
My family would take one summer vacation a year for about a week. Except for the summer after 6th grade where we bought a family computer instead.
I met and started dating the same high school sweetheart of mine from 16 until 24.
Life fit perfectly into a nice neat box. God also fit very neatly in the box I had for him. Life and the world made sense. Order was safe and very predictable.
After I graduated high school in the summer of 2006 I attended the local community college for two years before I transferred to Ohio State in Columbus Ohio during the fall of 2008.
Living in Columbus during that time life slowly began to unravel. My box started to have to grow a bit and make exceptions to the rules. I saw for the first time in my life homeless people sitting on the side walk with signs and cups. I saw for my first time a political election year where not everyone agreed. I saw situations that were not predominantly white people. I've lived in Columbus for 5 years now and with every year that I continue, not just exploring this city but also others such as New York, San Francisco, N'Dola Zambia, and more, life and God seem to be making less and less sense as far as my box is concerned.
Is the bible 100% true?
Is Jesus white?
If you don't profess Jesus as savior do you go to hell?
Should everyone just work harder and not get handouts?
Should gay people not be allowed to get married?
Should CEOs get to pay their workers what they please?
Can people find God through other religions?
"One had to have certainties otherwise life became hideous, painful, terrifying. Order had to be promoted and defended with tenacity."
But what if life doesn't fit into order? What if life is hideous, painful, terrifying?
What if that is exactly what Jesus not only knew about life but also commanded us to prepare for and to bravely stand in?
"I was floundering around in reality now, that violent world where death tore gaping holes in the fabric of life, but fortunately my position as bishop meant that I knew how to reduce it to order. There were rituals to be observed, tradition to be embraced, standards to be maintained."
What if Jesus hates reducing life to order? What if Jesus hates rituals and traditions and standards to help us sleep through life rather than think and live?
What if Jesus is the truth and the truth is chaotic and cannot be organized, cannot be reduced?
Abortion,
Gay Marriage,
Minimum wadge,
Health care,
Gun rights,
legalizing pot,
global warming,
prison systems,
education systems,
what if there isn't a right answer to any of these social issues? What if none of these can be solved by a simple blanket federal law? What if each and every case, each and every person is different and cannot be filed into a nice neat orderly research finding to create simple quick fix government programs?
What if abortion is completely wrong in one case and completely right in another?
What if one gay couple displays love better than one heterosexual couple?
The list could go on, what if Jesus, God, the Creator of this 'reality' we live in, the Great Spirit, whatever you want to call it has been trying to teach us from the very beginning of time that life isn't orderly, life can't be understood, life is the most complex organism, structure ever known, next to the Creator of it all of course.
This brings me to last Monday night. I was sitting between Mikey Mike and James at the pantry thinking during Travis' worship. I kept thinking about God. What is God? I started thinking about the #XcountryXmas adventure how had God touched me in so many disorderly ways?
The more I pondered about God the more God seems to slip through my fingers. God doesn't just speak to the holy but he doesn't just speak to the sinner. God doesn't just respond to the evangelical, God responds to the atheist too. I kept trying to box God in and the older I get, the more I experience in life the bigger and more chaotic God keeps getting. It's starting to get hideous, painful, terrifying because it means that God won't do what I want if I just live a certain way or pray a certain string of words. God doesn't just live in Wauseon Ohio, He lives everywhere from the farthest star to the tiniest electron and I can't handle it.
I started thinking about how God is kinda like blood. God can't be simply held in your hands, God will slip through your fingers. God is sticky like blood, An encounter isn't easily washed off, it sticks with you. Blood stains everything it touches, Once someone has encountered God everything those hands touch will also be stained with the red sticky love. Blood pours out of the hearts of all of us, life is in the blood, God is in the life. The flow of blood in this life is never ending. We all carry it within us and when it does come out everyone stops to see, blood impacts people. Blood stains shirts, it stains our lives. I started to think about my trip, as if those who had adventured before me also bled on those mountains, bled on the desert sand, bled in the ocean and I thought about how I had felt God in the mountains, in everything. Blood isn't orderly, it pours out without warning and it is hard to contain depending on the amount and the unpredictable arrival. I think about last Friday when Jeremiah fell from the playground at work and blood was pouring from his head, the terror, the unpredictable, unorderly incident!
God is kinda like blood.
But so much more than that.
God cannot be boxed in. God cannot be understood.
How foolish can some Christians be to actually think they can talk about God as if they understand? To debate, and convince, other humans of "who God is"
Who God is?
how on earth did this person figure it out? Our brains are too small, to temporary, always forgetting, always failing.
Who God is, isn't that the fun of this life, to think, to live, to seek and yet as deep as you desire to go God is still deeper. It's enough to make you want to throw up your hands in despair and proclaim "I give up" but love appears just then, God appears, in the darkest of moments and assures that you are doing wonderfully. God says to our hearts, I know, it is so overwhelming, it is so confusing, it is so chaotic, but I am here with you.
That's enough, not a God who acts as a genie, not a God who tells all the answers, not a God who boxes and orders, but a God with us.
God simply says I love you, I am here with you. This is about the only absolute truth I am able to pull from life at this point in my experiences.
I trust you Jesus
free her heart
heal Bea
heal me
Peter Bradley Adams - The Longer I Run
-Chapter 7 Absolute Truths by Susan Howatch
I was born in the small town of Wauseon Ohio in December of 1987. Wauseon's population is around 7,000 people. The place is about 82% white and 14% Hispanic. My family moved once in my life from one house in Wauseon to another. My parents have been married since 1982. They have had the same two jobs since I was born. From birth to 20 life was very organized. Very orderly.
There is only one high school in Wauseon.
I had the same friends from kindergarten to graduation.
I attended my small town christian church with my entire family from birth until graduation.
I started working for my father at a local lumber yard when I was 15 and continued to every summer until I was 19.
My family would take one summer vacation a year for about a week. Except for the summer after 6th grade where we bought a family computer instead.
I met and started dating the same high school sweetheart of mine from 16 until 24.
Life fit perfectly into a nice neat box. God also fit very neatly in the box I had for him. Life and the world made sense. Order was safe and very predictable.
After I graduated high school in the summer of 2006 I attended the local community college for two years before I transferred to Ohio State in Columbus Ohio during the fall of 2008.
Living in Columbus during that time life slowly began to unravel. My box started to have to grow a bit and make exceptions to the rules. I saw for the first time in my life homeless people sitting on the side walk with signs and cups. I saw for my first time a political election year where not everyone agreed. I saw situations that were not predominantly white people. I've lived in Columbus for 5 years now and with every year that I continue, not just exploring this city but also others such as New York, San Francisco, N'Dola Zambia, and more, life and God seem to be making less and less sense as far as my box is concerned.
Is the bible 100% true?
Is Jesus white?
If you don't profess Jesus as savior do you go to hell?
Should everyone just work harder and not get handouts?
Should gay people not be allowed to get married?
Should CEOs get to pay their workers what they please?
Can people find God through other religions?
"One had to have certainties otherwise life became hideous, painful, terrifying. Order had to be promoted and defended with tenacity."
But what if life doesn't fit into order? What if life is hideous, painful, terrifying?
What if that is exactly what Jesus not only knew about life but also commanded us to prepare for and to bravely stand in?
"I was floundering around in reality now, that violent world where death tore gaping holes in the fabric of life, but fortunately my position as bishop meant that I knew how to reduce it to order. There were rituals to be observed, tradition to be embraced, standards to be maintained."
What if Jesus hates reducing life to order? What if Jesus hates rituals and traditions and standards to help us sleep through life rather than think and live?
What if Jesus is the truth and the truth is chaotic and cannot be organized, cannot be reduced?
Abortion,
Gay Marriage,
Minimum wadge,
Health care,
Gun rights,
legalizing pot,
global warming,
prison systems,
education systems,
what if there isn't a right answer to any of these social issues? What if none of these can be solved by a simple blanket federal law? What if each and every case, each and every person is different and cannot be filed into a nice neat orderly research finding to create simple quick fix government programs?
What if abortion is completely wrong in one case and completely right in another?
What if one gay couple displays love better than one heterosexual couple?
The list could go on, what if Jesus, God, the Creator of this 'reality' we live in, the Great Spirit, whatever you want to call it has been trying to teach us from the very beginning of time that life isn't orderly, life can't be understood, life is the most complex organism, structure ever known, next to the Creator of it all of course.
This brings me to last Monday night. I was sitting between Mikey Mike and James at the pantry thinking during Travis' worship. I kept thinking about God. What is God? I started thinking about the #XcountryXmas adventure how had God touched me in so many disorderly ways?
The more I pondered about God the more God seems to slip through my fingers. God doesn't just speak to the holy but he doesn't just speak to the sinner. God doesn't just respond to the evangelical, God responds to the atheist too. I kept trying to box God in and the older I get, the more I experience in life the bigger and more chaotic God keeps getting. It's starting to get hideous, painful, terrifying because it means that God won't do what I want if I just live a certain way or pray a certain string of words. God doesn't just live in Wauseon Ohio, He lives everywhere from the farthest star to the tiniest electron and I can't handle it.
I started thinking about how God is kinda like blood. God can't be simply held in your hands, God will slip through your fingers. God is sticky like blood, An encounter isn't easily washed off, it sticks with you. Blood stains everything it touches, Once someone has encountered God everything those hands touch will also be stained with the red sticky love. Blood pours out of the hearts of all of us, life is in the blood, God is in the life. The flow of blood in this life is never ending. We all carry it within us and when it does come out everyone stops to see, blood impacts people. Blood stains shirts, it stains our lives. I started to think about my trip, as if those who had adventured before me also bled on those mountains, bled on the desert sand, bled in the ocean and I thought about how I had felt God in the mountains, in everything. Blood isn't orderly, it pours out without warning and it is hard to contain depending on the amount and the unpredictable arrival. I think about last Friday when Jeremiah fell from the playground at work and blood was pouring from his head, the terror, the unpredictable, unorderly incident!
God is kinda like blood.
But so much more than that.
God cannot be boxed in. God cannot be understood.
How foolish can some Christians be to actually think they can talk about God as if they understand? To debate, and convince, other humans of "who God is"
Who God is?
how on earth did this person figure it out? Our brains are too small, to temporary, always forgetting, always failing.
Who God is, isn't that the fun of this life, to think, to live, to seek and yet as deep as you desire to go God is still deeper. It's enough to make you want to throw up your hands in despair and proclaim "I give up" but love appears just then, God appears, in the darkest of moments and assures that you are doing wonderfully. God says to our hearts, I know, it is so overwhelming, it is so confusing, it is so chaotic, but I am here with you.
That's enough, not a God who acts as a genie, not a God who tells all the answers, not a God who boxes and orders, but a God with us.
God simply says I love you, I am here with you. This is about the only absolute truth I am able to pull from life at this point in my experiences.
I trust you Jesus
free her heart
heal Bea
heal me
Peter Bradley Adams - The Longer I Run