On This Sunday last year I was in Oklahoma eating breakfast around OKC.
On This Sunday two years ago I was in Nebraska drinking coffee in Omaha.
This year I am staying in Ohio. I haven't spent Christmas morning with my family since 2012.
After all of this drama went down about Thanksgiving my Mother showed her hand a little to me and expressed how rough holidays have been since Tyler and I moved out. She misses her own family, her parents, her siblings.
I've been thinking about that recently. I wonder what it's like to watch your children grow and leave the nest. 18 Christmases routinely the same and then...different.
Mom also told me my dad's lumberyard was closed this fall. That store had been my father's life as long as I'd known him. I wonder what my dad is feeling watching the trucks haul away the place he's spent most of his life.
And there they are, my parents
one of them wishes she was in Missouri with her family
the other lost his store, the place he spent all his time
Their children are 3 hours away in the Capitol city
One is married and splits time between family Christmases
The other travels around the country alone sleeping in his car
Is this what I have to look forward to?
Marrying someone, raising our children together, slowly growing apart and watching our children leave to rarely visit?
Then I think of my grandma, my dad's mom, she's in the retirement home. She has her own room with a TV. I don't know how often she gets visitors or family sees her. I don't know if she likes or knows the people in the place with her. I wonder what it's like to have children and your children to have children with your spouse dead and you're tired, old, in front of a TV.
Then I take a look at my life.
I'm at the edge of my 20's
I think about the next steps of my life.
I think about my 30's 40's 50's 60's 70's and 80's
My parents' lives
my grandparents' lives
is this my future? Can I do anything to change it? Maybe I should have more children in hopes that one of them will stick around.
I think all of these has really made me realize the value in my squad. If I'm going to end up in a retirement home I want to be with them. If I'm going to end up deserted by my children I want to spend the holidays with them. It also puts a hell of a lot more pressure on finding the right wife. That's a lot of hours spent together. A LOT. Years and Years and Years together. How do we not get sick of each other? What is love? Does that strong of love even exist? I don't know how many married couples I know that have the kind of marriage I'd like to have for myself. Obviously there is always Sarah and Doug Dicken. The marriage of hope. How did they do it? How do I find that?
Shovels & Rope - Lay Low
On This Sunday two years ago I was in Nebraska drinking coffee in Omaha.
This year I am staying in Ohio. I haven't spent Christmas morning with my family since 2012.
After all of this drama went down about Thanksgiving my Mother showed her hand a little to me and expressed how rough holidays have been since Tyler and I moved out. She misses her own family, her parents, her siblings.
I've been thinking about that recently. I wonder what it's like to watch your children grow and leave the nest. 18 Christmases routinely the same and then...different.
Mom also told me my dad's lumberyard was closed this fall. That store had been my father's life as long as I'd known him. I wonder what my dad is feeling watching the trucks haul away the place he's spent most of his life.
And there they are, my parents
one of them wishes she was in Missouri with her family
the other lost his store, the place he spent all his time
Their children are 3 hours away in the Capitol city
One is married and splits time between family Christmases
The other travels around the country alone sleeping in his car
Is this what I have to look forward to?
Marrying someone, raising our children together, slowly growing apart and watching our children leave to rarely visit?
Then I think of my grandma, my dad's mom, she's in the retirement home. She has her own room with a TV. I don't know how often she gets visitors or family sees her. I don't know if she likes or knows the people in the place with her. I wonder what it's like to have children and your children to have children with your spouse dead and you're tired, old, in front of a TV.
Then I take a look at my life.
I'm at the edge of my 20's
I think about the next steps of my life.
I think about my 30's 40's 50's 60's 70's and 80's
My parents' lives
my grandparents' lives
is this my future? Can I do anything to change it? Maybe I should have more children in hopes that one of them will stick around.
I think all of these has really made me realize the value in my squad. If I'm going to end up in a retirement home I want to be with them. If I'm going to end up deserted by my children I want to spend the holidays with them. It also puts a hell of a lot more pressure on finding the right wife. That's a lot of hours spent together. A LOT. Years and Years and Years together. How do we not get sick of each other? What is love? Does that strong of love even exist? I don't know how many married couples I know that have the kind of marriage I'd like to have for myself. Obviously there is always Sarah and Doug Dicken. The marriage of hope. How did they do it? How do I find that?
Shovels & Rope - Lay Low