Dear 30 year old Adam,
I've just turned 29. This year started with my second full semester at Ashland. The winter nights were mostly spent studying for school eating ice cream in beanbag chairs watching Lord of the Rings over and over in the attic of the Tibet house and trying to sleep. I've been spending a lot of time with Claire. I'm so thankful for her, she's a great friend. I started running more regularly now that I have a fitbit. My resting heart rate was originally 71. Easter weekend I did another adventure alone camping up in the Porcupine Mountains in the silent gorgeous snow. I spent the Spring trying to find a serious relationship on bumble the dating app. A lot of dates, a lot of flakes, some interested but I wasn't able to pull the trigger and commit, of course. I finally went back to NYC with Brian and Alan like I always said I would. This summer I took three classes at three different schools. In May Bea texted me and told me she was moving to Denver in June. In June we started hanging out again. We spent every second we could together before she left for Denver. We met up half way after she had moved for 2 weeks spend the weekend in an Airbnb it was perfect! I spend the 4th of July in Virginia with Brian and Travis. Then Bea came back to Columbus for a weekend in July. She asked for space and that was the last I'll hear from her. This fall I did my field experience in Forest Park and Harmon Elementary. I'm so excited to become a teacher. When you read this you will hopefully be one!
Things I'm doing now:
Right now I'm about to finish my 4th semester and leave for California. I have an iphone SE its rose gold. I live with Claire Melissa and Travis but this will be our last year on Tibet. I have mixed feeling about that. But as you are reading this you are 30...30...I never really thought this far ahead about my future. I always thought life would be different but here we are. It's been a very fun ride. We are getting it figured out. Anyway I'm not doing much of anything these days. I'm exhausted from school and work but by the time you will read all of this it will all be over! I'm single still and I think I'd like you to have a girlfriend when you're reading this in a year but if not I understand. If anyone understands your singleness believe me, it's me. Don't settle Adam. It's better for us to be alone than to be with someone because of comfort.
Things I hope you're doing:
I hope you are teaching a kindergarten class in Columbus City Schools district. And I hope it is every bit difficult, frustrating, tiring, and beautiful as we have always imagined it being. I hope you have the classroom filled with the kids' art and the rest of the classroom filled with plants. I hope you passed the damn OAE tests and graduated with this 4.0 I'm still clinging to. I hope you're practicing the guitar I did a terrible job practicing and I know 28 year old Adam had the same struggle. As I mentioned I hope you found a girlfriend it would be nice to bring someone home to Wauseon, it might not feel so lonely at the parents' house then. I hope you bought those jars and pebbles like I wanted to last year. This past winter the thought of tracking my time left on year gave me too much anxiety to actually do it but I think I've come to terms with that a bit more this year. I noticed some new wrinkles on my face this year. I also think I've grown more chest hair. This is getting strange. I still feel 22 but I know I'm nearly 30. I hope you still go to the gym now more than ever let's try to keep these abs as long as we can. I hope you're still doing guys night with the dudes once a week. I hope you're finding time to drive to Cincy to visit Brian and Alan. I hope you garden this summer since you'll finally be finished with school. I miss working in the garden so much. There is nothing more rewarding and satisfying than being in that garden. I hope you're planning your first summer adventure after your first school year as a teacher. I wonder if you'll go to Iceland or Machu Picchu first... If you haven't started planning that trip stop reading this letter now and book the flight. Seriously do it right now flip a coin and plan the trip to one of those places. I hope Travis Brian and you still do the fourth of July beach trip I love that we do that. Don't ever let that slip away. Don't be afraid to spend another winter with ice cream and Lord of the Rings those are some very good nights curled up with candles and blankets in the cold. I love great story telling. I hope you're reading again. Tell me you have read more Wendell Berry and some of the books off the 100 greatest novels of all time list. If not again stop what you are doing find the next book you left off at before Grad school and place it on hold at the library now! I hope you've picked your life back up since before Grad school. I think the main things are reading, gardening, and practicing guitar. I hope you're healthy and well. My 20's were a very fun decade filled with learning about the world. I hope your 30's are the same. Never stop exploring, never stop asking, never stop seeking truth. Don't become hard cement stay flexible and open to ideas and lenses.
Things I've learned since turning 28:
This year started off with Bea dating another dude. I learned that my fear of getting hurt and being abandoned will always leave me hurt and abandoned. I tried to impress her and perform for her so she wouldn't abandon me but all that did was exhaust and frustrate myself. She never asked for the fake stuff. She didn't want it. She just wanted me. Another lesson in just how much power time has. Timing truly is everything. We texted in January. She told me she would have stayed in Columbus for me. She told me everything she said in the fall was true. I was her best friend. I was family. She loved me. And I missed that window of time. It's gone. Whatever life we could have had together, marriage, children, grandchildren, that is gone. What a heavy price to pay for wisdom. I think that's how most of life's greatest lessons are learned, at tremendous cost. (I wrote that previous part during lent) Turning 28 really did something to me. I learned I'm ready to grow up. I want a wife and I'm ready to give what it takes. I'm ready to pursue my career. I'm ready to take the next step in what it means to be a human. The next stage the next chapter. Some nights while I'm in the shower I think about what it would feel like to hold my child for the first time and I just start crying. I really want that for my life. I want to be a father. I want to be a husband. I'm learning what is important in life and how tremendous the cost. But after losing the woman I love it's very clear to me that the greater cost would be to never take the risk. I'm learning how to balance growing up with having fun and holding friendships and community together. (I wrote that part in the spring) I've learned that hope is a powerful dangerous thing. Above I can see how truly gone Bea was from my life but in the beautiful mystery of life she came back. As I learned in the winter I am ready to risk for love. It's strange to read that part above because I learned an important lesson from losing Bea but she came back. Now I have the wisdom and the woman I want to live life with. How beautiful. I thought she was gone forever and now this? She said she needs space and after a lot of discussion and reading her astrology sign at Graeter's I need to let go, again. To love is to let go. I need to be picked, chosen. (I wrote that part in the summer) It's amazing looking back at those three snapshots of the year as I wrote in this post. I feel so differently about so many things than I did in the winter, spring, and summer. I'm not sure if I want a wife and children anymore. I know now that I don't want Kelly in my life. It's been an interesting year to say the least. This fall I attempted online dating again but all that happened I ended up hooking up with women. My number went from 1 to 6 now. Kelly, Maya, Ericca, Lauren, Sarah, Elizabeth plus all the other women who I spent nights with but didn't have sex. I think I'm deciding to take a break from dating since I can't seem to commit to any of these women and I can't seem to keep my boundaries. This year I learned a bit more how messed up my family is. I tried to be more social and grow my community but I found opening up to too many people feels uncomfortable and makes me struggle with trust. Another trip around the sun. Have fun dude this life is going by quick try to hold as many of the moments, good and bad, in their time breathe them in and exhale them to make room for more! You're doing great. I love you so much Adam, you're honest, kind, smart, patient and you look good. I'm going to end this letter the same way 28 year old Adam ended the letter for me because it made me smile and it calmed me down. Every day, once a day, give yourself a present. Don’t plan it, don’t wait for it, just let it happen. It could be a new shirt at the men's store, a catnap in your office chair or two cups of good hot black coffee." I love you Adam, everything will be alright. I hope this letter finds you well.
1987 Born
1988 00
1989 01
1990 02
1991 03
1992 04
1993 05
1994 06 Started Grade School
1995 07
1996 08
1997 09
1998 10
1999 11
2000 12
2001 13
2002 14
2003 15
2004 16
2005 17
2006 18 Graduated High School
2007 19
2008 20
2009 21
2010 22 Graduated College
2011 23
2012 24
2013 25
2014 26
2015 27
2016 28
I've just turned 29. This year started with my second full semester at Ashland. The winter nights were mostly spent studying for school eating ice cream in beanbag chairs watching Lord of the Rings over and over in the attic of the Tibet house and trying to sleep. I've been spending a lot of time with Claire. I'm so thankful for her, she's a great friend. I started running more regularly now that I have a fitbit. My resting heart rate was originally 71. Easter weekend I did another adventure alone camping up in the Porcupine Mountains in the silent gorgeous snow. I spent the Spring trying to find a serious relationship on bumble the dating app. A lot of dates, a lot of flakes, some interested but I wasn't able to pull the trigger and commit, of course. I finally went back to NYC with Brian and Alan like I always said I would. This summer I took three classes at three different schools. In May Bea texted me and told me she was moving to Denver in June. In June we started hanging out again. We spent every second we could together before she left for Denver. We met up half way after she had moved for 2 weeks spend the weekend in an Airbnb it was perfect! I spend the 4th of July in Virginia with Brian and Travis. Then Bea came back to Columbus for a weekend in July. She asked for space and that was the last I'll hear from her. This fall I did my field experience in Forest Park and Harmon Elementary. I'm so excited to become a teacher. When you read this you will hopefully be one!
Things I'm doing now:
Right now I'm about to finish my 4th semester and leave for California. I have an iphone SE its rose gold. I live with Claire Melissa and Travis but this will be our last year on Tibet. I have mixed feeling about that. But as you are reading this you are 30...30...I never really thought this far ahead about my future. I always thought life would be different but here we are. It's been a very fun ride. We are getting it figured out. Anyway I'm not doing much of anything these days. I'm exhausted from school and work but by the time you will read all of this it will all be over! I'm single still and I think I'd like you to have a girlfriend when you're reading this in a year but if not I understand. If anyone understands your singleness believe me, it's me. Don't settle Adam. It's better for us to be alone than to be with someone because of comfort.
Things I hope you're doing:
I hope you are teaching a kindergarten class in Columbus City Schools district. And I hope it is every bit difficult, frustrating, tiring, and beautiful as we have always imagined it being. I hope you have the classroom filled with the kids' art and the rest of the classroom filled with plants. I hope you passed the damn OAE tests and graduated with this 4.0 I'm still clinging to. I hope you're practicing the guitar I did a terrible job practicing and I know 28 year old Adam had the same struggle. As I mentioned I hope you found a girlfriend it would be nice to bring someone home to Wauseon, it might not feel so lonely at the parents' house then. I hope you bought those jars and pebbles like I wanted to last year. This past winter the thought of tracking my time left on year gave me too much anxiety to actually do it but I think I've come to terms with that a bit more this year. I noticed some new wrinkles on my face this year. I also think I've grown more chest hair. This is getting strange. I still feel 22 but I know I'm nearly 30. I hope you still go to the gym now more than ever let's try to keep these abs as long as we can. I hope you're still doing guys night with the dudes once a week. I hope you're finding time to drive to Cincy to visit Brian and Alan. I hope you garden this summer since you'll finally be finished with school. I miss working in the garden so much. There is nothing more rewarding and satisfying than being in that garden. I hope you're planning your first summer adventure after your first school year as a teacher. I wonder if you'll go to Iceland or Machu Picchu first... If you haven't started planning that trip stop reading this letter now and book the flight. Seriously do it right now flip a coin and plan the trip to one of those places. I hope Travis Brian and you still do the fourth of July beach trip I love that we do that. Don't ever let that slip away. Don't be afraid to spend another winter with ice cream and Lord of the Rings those are some very good nights curled up with candles and blankets in the cold. I love great story telling. I hope you're reading again. Tell me you have read more Wendell Berry and some of the books off the 100 greatest novels of all time list. If not again stop what you are doing find the next book you left off at before Grad school and place it on hold at the library now! I hope you've picked your life back up since before Grad school. I think the main things are reading, gardening, and practicing guitar. I hope you're healthy and well. My 20's were a very fun decade filled with learning about the world. I hope your 30's are the same. Never stop exploring, never stop asking, never stop seeking truth. Don't become hard cement stay flexible and open to ideas and lenses.
Things I've learned since turning 28:
This year started off with Bea dating another dude. I learned that my fear of getting hurt and being abandoned will always leave me hurt and abandoned. I tried to impress her and perform for her so she wouldn't abandon me but all that did was exhaust and frustrate myself. She never asked for the fake stuff. She didn't want it. She just wanted me. Another lesson in just how much power time has. Timing truly is everything. We texted in January. She told me she would have stayed in Columbus for me. She told me everything she said in the fall was true. I was her best friend. I was family. She loved me. And I missed that window of time. It's gone. Whatever life we could have had together, marriage, children, grandchildren, that is gone. What a heavy price to pay for wisdom. I think that's how most of life's greatest lessons are learned, at tremendous cost. (I wrote that previous part during lent) Turning 28 really did something to me. I learned I'm ready to grow up. I want a wife and I'm ready to give what it takes. I'm ready to pursue my career. I'm ready to take the next step in what it means to be a human. The next stage the next chapter. Some nights while I'm in the shower I think about what it would feel like to hold my child for the first time and I just start crying. I really want that for my life. I want to be a father. I want to be a husband. I'm learning what is important in life and how tremendous the cost. But after losing the woman I love it's very clear to me that the greater cost would be to never take the risk. I'm learning how to balance growing up with having fun and holding friendships and community together. (I wrote that part in the spring) I've learned that hope is a powerful dangerous thing. Above I can see how truly gone Bea was from my life but in the beautiful mystery of life she came back. As I learned in the winter I am ready to risk for love. It's strange to read that part above because I learned an important lesson from losing Bea but she came back. Now I have the wisdom and the woman I want to live life with. How beautiful. I thought she was gone forever and now this? She said she needs space and after a lot of discussion and reading her astrology sign at Graeter's I need to let go, again. To love is to let go. I need to be picked, chosen. (I wrote that part in the summer) It's amazing looking back at those three snapshots of the year as I wrote in this post. I feel so differently about so many things than I did in the winter, spring, and summer. I'm not sure if I want a wife and children anymore. I know now that I don't want Kelly in my life. It's been an interesting year to say the least. This fall I attempted online dating again but all that happened I ended up hooking up with women. My number went from 1 to 6 now. Kelly, Maya, Ericca, Lauren, Sarah, Elizabeth plus all the other women who I spent nights with but didn't have sex. I think I'm deciding to take a break from dating since I can't seem to commit to any of these women and I can't seem to keep my boundaries. This year I learned a bit more how messed up my family is. I tried to be more social and grow my community but I found opening up to too many people feels uncomfortable and makes me struggle with trust. Another trip around the sun. Have fun dude this life is going by quick try to hold as many of the moments, good and bad, in their time breathe them in and exhale them to make room for more! You're doing great. I love you so much Adam, you're honest, kind, smart, patient and you look good. I'm going to end this letter the same way 28 year old Adam ended the letter for me because it made me smile and it calmed me down. Every day, once a day, give yourself a present. Don’t plan it, don’t wait for it, just let it happen. It could be a new shirt at the men's store, a catnap in your office chair or two cups of good hot black coffee." I love you Adam, everything will be alright. I hope this letter finds you well.
1987 Born
1988 00
1989 01
1990 02
1991 03
1992 04
1993 05
1994 06 Started Grade School
1995 07
1996 08
1997 09
1998 10
1999 11
2000 12
2001 13
2002 14
2003 15
2004 16
2005 17
2006 18 Graduated High School
2007 19
2008 20
2009 21
2010 22 Graduated College
2011 23
2012 24
2013 25
2014 26
2015 27
2016 28