The yearly beach trip was another success. There is nothing like sleeping outside, your hygiene routine all messed up, your hair all tangled from the saltwater, The ocean breeze blowing through your tent, and the constant sound of the waves as you fall asleep and as you wake up.
Hedonic Treadmill - According to this theory, as a person makes more money, expectations and desires rise in tandem, which results in no permanent gain in happiness.
Seems like every thought I have already has not only a term but published scientific research to go with it.
I remember working my first job at my dad's lumber yard making $5.15 an hour (that's $10,712 if I was full time which at 15 years old I definitely was not.) When those paychecks rolled in like they did I remember wondering what I would do with all of that money. I bought myself video games whenever I wanted, no longer having to wait for my birthday or Christmas which are 23 days apart. Fast food for every meal out with my friends. Gas to drive those country roads on summer nights out in Northwest Ohio the sky is filled with every star in the Northern Hemisphere. Driving back and forth between Archbold and Wauseon to my girlfriends house.
at 20 I remember moving into that terrible off campus apartment my junior year of college. It was everything I could ever ask for, freedom and friends.
After college I moved out to the suburbs of Powell commuting to my downtown law firm job at 22.
I remember moving another two years later to the apartment complex with the pool
The year after that when I was 25 moving to Clintonville
The neighborhood was filled with trees, it was close enough to downtown but without parking issues
a nice porch a lot of space quiet nights with the windows open the train whistle in the distance just like my parents' house as a kid.
friends to share the house with
If I had seen my college apartment back when I was 15 I would have swore that that would be all I wanted in life and I'd be content
If I had seen my Clintonville place back when I was 22 in college I would have swore that would be all I wanted to be content
But here I am moving to German Village after only four short years in my dream neighborhood.
Hedonic Treadmill...If I had made 20k as a 15 year old I would have thought that's all the money I could ever want. Yet here I am about to begin making 44k in the fall.
And I know right now 44k and German Village sound like the greatest things what more could I ask for? Double my income and move to a neighborhood with brick and branches everywhere steps away from downtown
But if Clintonville didn't cut it will German Village?
How could I ever buy a 30 year mortgage for a house without wheels? The idea of owning a home in the same spot for that long makes me nervous. I don't think I'll ever buy a house.
This makes me wonder about marriage but I hesitate to let my mind go down that path today. I think before I can consider marriage as an option I need to convince myself I can meet a woman worth exclusively dating first.
There has only been one woman I could see myself exclusively dating and the thought of marriage doesn't fill me with anxiety and regret but I haven't communicated to her in months. She's working on things in her life. If I'm completely honest with myself I'm waiting for her, I have been for many months now. I go on countless first dates but the reality is I've never given any of these women a fair shot because she is constantly in the back of my mind I think I fool myself into thinking I'm trying to find someone but I'm not. At the same time... if one of these women were actually great wouldn't she make me forget her? I don't know. Earlier last week after thinking, I decided to let her go, one day at a time. Hope is a dangerous thing. I've only known she exists on this planet for a year now and we never really met. I think it's time to let go of hope. But I don't know if I can. Sometimes we don't get to decide these things. What are feelings? Why do I feel this way about a woman I don't want to feel this way about? And why can't I feel this way about a woman I want to feel this towards? I hate it. We can control so many things in our lives if I don't want to do something I don't, If I do want to do something I do. But feelings...love...This stuff is so frustrating. I'm not even confident I'm the man I was when I last communicated to her these one night stands and constant flirting through text desperately trying to get this woman out of my mind has exhausted me, changed me. Calloused my heart. Like handmade accessories turned factory line assembled. Whoever she allows to love her I hope they learn to know her fully because she deserves to be known and knowing her entirely is the only way to love her. Tell me have you heard that lately? I would have loved to know her to get the chance at sharing our lives but I think it's clear my role was to help her see herself for who she is and to settle for nothing less than the incredible woman she is and will continue to grow into. It's been months I need to let go, let go of hope. I will find someone who stirs me the way she did. Makes me heart leap when I see she's typing a message, makes me nervous on my way to see her not matter if it's homework or conversation over coffee... Fuck I've rambled again...where was I? talking about that damn treadmill.
If I get bored of German Village before I'm 40...where else is there to go in the city of Columbus? I don't want to outgrow this city...I love Columbus and all of its desperate attempts at relevance and significance as a real city.
The sensation of awe and wonder that feeling I got when I first moved to Columbus this city seemed so enormous to me then, and now the reality of its poignancy. We can never seem to hold on to it. It always seems to slip slightly further out of reach. Running on this treadmill the orbit around the sun.
It's okay - Lophee
Hedonic Treadmill - According to this theory, as a person makes more money, expectations and desires rise in tandem, which results in no permanent gain in happiness.
Seems like every thought I have already has not only a term but published scientific research to go with it.
I remember working my first job at my dad's lumber yard making $5.15 an hour (that's $10,712 if I was full time which at 15 years old I definitely was not.) When those paychecks rolled in like they did I remember wondering what I would do with all of that money. I bought myself video games whenever I wanted, no longer having to wait for my birthday or Christmas which are 23 days apart. Fast food for every meal out with my friends. Gas to drive those country roads on summer nights out in Northwest Ohio the sky is filled with every star in the Northern Hemisphere. Driving back and forth between Archbold and Wauseon to my girlfriends house.
at 20 I remember moving into that terrible off campus apartment my junior year of college. It was everything I could ever ask for, freedom and friends.
After college I moved out to the suburbs of Powell commuting to my downtown law firm job at 22.
I remember moving another two years later to the apartment complex with the pool
The year after that when I was 25 moving to Clintonville
The neighborhood was filled with trees, it was close enough to downtown but without parking issues
a nice porch a lot of space quiet nights with the windows open the train whistle in the distance just like my parents' house as a kid.
friends to share the house with
If I had seen my college apartment back when I was 15 I would have swore that that would be all I wanted in life and I'd be content
If I had seen my Clintonville place back when I was 22 in college I would have swore that would be all I wanted to be content
But here I am moving to German Village after only four short years in my dream neighborhood.
Hedonic Treadmill...If I had made 20k as a 15 year old I would have thought that's all the money I could ever want. Yet here I am about to begin making 44k in the fall.
And I know right now 44k and German Village sound like the greatest things what more could I ask for? Double my income and move to a neighborhood with brick and branches everywhere steps away from downtown
But if Clintonville didn't cut it will German Village?
How could I ever buy a 30 year mortgage for a house without wheels? The idea of owning a home in the same spot for that long makes me nervous. I don't think I'll ever buy a house.
This makes me wonder about marriage but I hesitate to let my mind go down that path today. I think before I can consider marriage as an option I need to convince myself I can meet a woman worth exclusively dating first.
There has only been one woman I could see myself exclusively dating and the thought of marriage doesn't fill me with anxiety and regret but I haven't communicated to her in months. She's working on things in her life. If I'm completely honest with myself I'm waiting for her, I have been for many months now. I go on countless first dates but the reality is I've never given any of these women a fair shot because she is constantly in the back of my mind I think I fool myself into thinking I'm trying to find someone but I'm not. At the same time... if one of these women were actually great wouldn't she make me forget her? I don't know. Earlier last week after thinking, I decided to let her go, one day at a time. Hope is a dangerous thing. I've only known she exists on this planet for a year now and we never really met. I think it's time to let go of hope. But I don't know if I can. Sometimes we don't get to decide these things. What are feelings? Why do I feel this way about a woman I don't want to feel this way about? And why can't I feel this way about a woman I want to feel this towards? I hate it. We can control so many things in our lives if I don't want to do something I don't, If I do want to do something I do. But feelings...love...This stuff is so frustrating. I'm not even confident I'm the man I was when I last communicated to her these one night stands and constant flirting through text desperately trying to get this woman out of my mind has exhausted me, changed me. Calloused my heart. Like handmade accessories turned factory line assembled. Whoever she allows to love her I hope they learn to know her fully because she deserves to be known and knowing her entirely is the only way to love her. Tell me have you heard that lately? I would have loved to know her to get the chance at sharing our lives but I think it's clear my role was to help her see herself for who she is and to settle for nothing less than the incredible woman she is and will continue to grow into. It's been months I need to let go, let go of hope. I will find someone who stirs me the way she did. Makes me heart leap when I see she's typing a message, makes me nervous on my way to see her not matter if it's homework or conversation over coffee... Fuck I've rambled again...where was I? talking about that damn treadmill.
If I get bored of German Village before I'm 40...where else is there to go in the city of Columbus? I don't want to outgrow this city...I love Columbus and all of its desperate attempts at relevance and significance as a real city.
The sensation of awe and wonder that feeling I got when I first moved to Columbus this city seemed so enormous to me then, and now the reality of its poignancy. We can never seem to hold on to it. It always seems to slip slightly further out of reach. Running on this treadmill the orbit around the sun.
It's okay - Lophee