I made it to winter break, finished week 17 of teaching.
#4 – Big Trouble In Little China
ReleasedDec 01, 2017
Travis' friends Dain and Adam stop by to watch the Kurt Russell classic Big Trouble In Little China. Travis has never seen it. Dain was raised by it. But does this movie appeal to a Film Virgin?
I've spent this weekend at my parents house in Wauseon without Tyler and his wife. I had all this time to write and think this weekend and I absolutely wasted it watching white people renovate houses with my parents. Another reason I'm worried about having my summer to myself. No structure is a very bad thing for me. I need routine, I need goals, projects, or I sit. This weekend I was hoping to have some quiet time to process life and practice maybe writing something well rather than mindlessly rambling. And as you can see from what's written so far...it didn't happen.
I'm currently reading Brave New World by Aldous Huxley it was published in 1932. I'm assuming it was meant as a critique on society and where it was heading thanks to the industrial revolution, Henry Ford, and assembly line manufacturing. It's interesting tho reading this 85 years later because parts of it (I assume are meant to be perceived as negative) I kind of agree with. Which maybe proves his point that in the future we will be hedonistic and moralless. In the book characters are encouraged to sleep with as many different partners as they want and monogamy is frowned upon. While I do think the book takes the idea too far (which is the purpose of science fiction, e.g. Black Mirror) the main social commentary he is picking at I don't find to be a negative. He was (I think) trying to say kids these days are just out having sex with whoever and they don't see the value in only one partner for life. While everyone should be free to choose monogamy if they'd like I in 2017 don't see anything wrong with consenting adults having sex. Do I think monogamy is bad? Definitely not, I'd love me a solid monogamous relationship for the rest of my life...but that doesn't mean I'd look at their lifestyle with abhorrence. He also mentions a bit about how they no longer practice religions specifically Christianity...again maybe not the worst thing? Haha I feel weird saying some of Huxley's warnings for society in the 1930s are proud steps of progress to me in 2017 thus proving him right about the decay of morality in future societies... but I don't like all of the changes in the book... Obviously 😑
"Tempestt I'm not ok, I think I'm really messed up"
This weekend Tyler and Brittany stayed in Columbus to host Brittany's family. for whatever reason, as my mother always does, she was listing the sleeping arrangements of the house. My ears perked up when I heard her say Brittany is in the room in the basement and Tyler is on the couch...Tyler on the couch... in his own home with his wife and her whole family. You're going to sleep on the couch in front of her family proclaiming...we don't sleep together and it's fine?! I asked my mom to confirm she said when they visit Wauseon and I'm not here (which made me wonder how many more trips home they are making than I am per year) Tyler usually sleeps in my room. To which my father replied "Yeah just like we do" I have always said my brother's marriage is exactly like my parents' but I didn't really think it was that much...
This worried me...in a panic I texted to Tem that I think I'm messed up...see these past two weeks for whatever reason near the end of the day I would begin to shut down, close off, and lock up. Tem and I would sleep silently without touching in the same room. Every morning I'd wake up frustrated and confused why I'm living like this when I clearly don't want to...Then I learn everyone in my family doesn't sleep with their significant other and it made me nervous.
Red pill and blue pill
It feels like somewhere along the way I chose to take the red pill and found I wanted a different path in life a different type of relationship with my significant other...but as I've been learning these past 14 years relationships are difficult but I'm stuck...I can not be satisfied watching TV and sleeping in different rooms...but I also have no idea how to have a relationship any other way. And what makes it worse is Tem's family is the literal polar opposite of mine...The more I think about that statement the more I feel confident it's a deep truth. I don't know how to spend this much time with someone I like...I've been taught to have massive amounts of space away from them so they don't get too close. Keep conversations on the surface...talk about sports, or the pets, or how my car is driving. Stick to the traditions and routines of life... the same movies during the same holidays and never break character in the family unit.
But I want to spend most of my time with her, and I want to spend every night cuddling, and I want to spend our time talking, learning, growing, laughing, and being vulnerable with depth. I want these things but then I seem to keep falling into this pattern of silence and distance. I know I've told you many, many times Adam do not fuck this up with Tem...she always wondered why my previous relationships would end or why they would walk away from me...maybe shes starting to see my flaws...and not just the I eat ice cream and organize my sock drawer kind of flaws...I mean the deep stuff that makes women walk away and leave me flaws. I don't want your life.
"Tempestt I'm not ok, I think I'm really messed up"
twenty one pilots - screen
#4 – Big Trouble In Little China
ReleasedDec 01, 2017
Travis' friends Dain and Adam stop by to watch the Kurt Russell classic Big Trouble In Little China. Travis has never seen it. Dain was raised by it. But does this movie appeal to a Film Virgin?
I've spent this weekend at my parents house in Wauseon without Tyler and his wife. I had all this time to write and think this weekend and I absolutely wasted it watching white people renovate houses with my parents. Another reason I'm worried about having my summer to myself. No structure is a very bad thing for me. I need routine, I need goals, projects, or I sit. This weekend I was hoping to have some quiet time to process life and practice maybe writing something well rather than mindlessly rambling. And as you can see from what's written so far...it didn't happen.
I'm currently reading Brave New World by Aldous Huxley it was published in 1932. I'm assuming it was meant as a critique on society and where it was heading thanks to the industrial revolution, Henry Ford, and assembly line manufacturing. It's interesting tho reading this 85 years later because parts of it (I assume are meant to be perceived as negative) I kind of agree with. Which maybe proves his point that in the future we will be hedonistic and moralless. In the book characters are encouraged to sleep with as many different partners as they want and monogamy is frowned upon. While I do think the book takes the idea too far (which is the purpose of science fiction, e.g. Black Mirror) the main social commentary he is picking at I don't find to be a negative. He was (I think) trying to say kids these days are just out having sex with whoever and they don't see the value in only one partner for life. While everyone should be free to choose monogamy if they'd like I in 2017 don't see anything wrong with consenting adults having sex. Do I think monogamy is bad? Definitely not, I'd love me a solid monogamous relationship for the rest of my life...but that doesn't mean I'd look at their lifestyle with abhorrence. He also mentions a bit about how they no longer practice religions specifically Christianity...again maybe not the worst thing? Haha I feel weird saying some of Huxley's warnings for society in the 1930s are proud steps of progress to me in 2017 thus proving him right about the decay of morality in future societies... but I don't like all of the changes in the book... Obviously 😑
"Tempestt I'm not ok, I think I'm really messed up"
This weekend Tyler and Brittany stayed in Columbus to host Brittany's family. for whatever reason, as my mother always does, she was listing the sleeping arrangements of the house. My ears perked up when I heard her say Brittany is in the room in the basement and Tyler is on the couch...Tyler on the couch... in his own home with his wife and her whole family. You're going to sleep on the couch in front of her family proclaiming...we don't sleep together and it's fine?! I asked my mom to confirm she said when they visit Wauseon and I'm not here (which made me wonder how many more trips home they are making than I am per year) Tyler usually sleeps in my room. To which my father replied "Yeah just like we do" I have always said my brother's marriage is exactly like my parents' but I didn't really think it was that much...
This worried me...in a panic I texted to Tem that I think I'm messed up...see these past two weeks for whatever reason near the end of the day I would begin to shut down, close off, and lock up. Tem and I would sleep silently without touching in the same room. Every morning I'd wake up frustrated and confused why I'm living like this when I clearly don't want to...Then I learn everyone in my family doesn't sleep with their significant other and it made me nervous.
Red pill and blue pill
It feels like somewhere along the way I chose to take the red pill and found I wanted a different path in life a different type of relationship with my significant other...but as I've been learning these past 14 years relationships are difficult but I'm stuck...I can not be satisfied watching TV and sleeping in different rooms...but I also have no idea how to have a relationship any other way. And what makes it worse is Tem's family is the literal polar opposite of mine...The more I think about that statement the more I feel confident it's a deep truth. I don't know how to spend this much time with someone I like...I've been taught to have massive amounts of space away from them so they don't get too close. Keep conversations on the surface...talk about sports, or the pets, or how my car is driving. Stick to the traditions and routines of life... the same movies during the same holidays and never break character in the family unit.
But I want to spend most of my time with her, and I want to spend every night cuddling, and I want to spend our time talking, learning, growing, laughing, and being vulnerable with depth. I want these things but then I seem to keep falling into this pattern of silence and distance. I know I've told you many, many times Adam do not fuck this up with Tem...she always wondered why my previous relationships would end or why they would walk away from me...maybe shes starting to see my flaws...and not just the I eat ice cream and organize my sock drawer kind of flaws...I mean the deep stuff that makes women walk away and leave me flaws. I don't want your life.
"Tempestt I'm not ok, I think I'm really messed up"
twenty one pilots - screen