Dear 31 year old Adam,
I've just turned 30. It took every last day of my 20's to get here. The start of this year I lost my health insurance and I became unemployed. I got a membership at planet fitness and it's the worst gym. They don't have any of the equipment I want...like a simple bench press rack...but it's $10 a month and I was unemployed in the winter. I began my student teaching at Leawood Elementary the week of MLK day. It was a lot of fun working with those 3rd graders and learning a lot about blended learning. Donald Trump was actually inaugurated at the president of the country I live in...and yes it has been every bit as terrible as he promised it would be. Nazis and KKK members marching in the streets under the guise of "Free Speech." I went to Colorado in March. During that trip my mom called to let me know my dad's mother (my grandmother) had passed away. The trip was a lot of fun spending the days hiking by myself in the mountains and spending the evenings with my friends around the high brow ski towns. I wonder how dad feels to not have either of his parents alive. This will be his first Christmas without his mother, how strange. I was offered a kindergarten position at Africentric in April after being hired by the district at the job fair. I finished my program at Ashland in May. I backpacked some of the AT in the Smoky mountains during memorial day weekend. Brian Jared and I camped in Cuyahoga Valley in June that trip was less than interesting. Maryland in July for our yearly Atlantic trip. Claire moved to the middle east and Melissa got married so Travis and I moved to German village in Mid July/ early August. I started teaching in late August and it's been a lot but I knew it would be. Brian moved to Seattle this summer and that has sucked, Dain moved to Chicago.
Things I'm doing now:
It's crazy to read 29 year old Adam's letter to me when he said, "I'm so excited to become a teacher. When you read this you will hopefully be one!" Because I'm sitting here right now, 31 year old Adam, and I am exactly what he hoped we'd be. I've been seeing Tem for four months now, this is the longest I've been talking to someone exclusively since the summer of 2015. And I think this is the first time I've been seeing someone on my birthday since...fuck maybe high school? I know 29 year old Adam wanted me to be seeing someone when I write this letter and I am although it's much more complicated than I think he would have liked it to be I think he'd be very happy to know it's Tem and it certainly isn't settling. Please 31 year old Adam tell me you didn't fuck this thing up when you read this. Please don't. She's amazing in every way. I won't gush about her because if you fuck it up the last thing you need is a reminder from me about how great this time of our life has been. We did Halloween together I went out as an organized costume group like you've always wanted. We have been doing a lot of those couples things you've wanted for a while with someone worth doing it with...she's more than I could have asked for. I'm working the job that I've wanted for the past two years. It's been amazing, it's crazy to be cashing these fat ass checks every other week but most of it has just been going towards the Ashland debt. I'm sure 32 year old Adam will thank me and you when he's debt free. Things I'm doing now? as sad as it is my schedule still feels as full as if I were in grad school because of the late nights at the school figuring out what I'm suppose to be doing. I should probably spend more time with my friends before they all get married off and I never see them.
Things I hope you're doing:
Another terrible job practicing guitar please tell me you did a better job in 2018, at least over summer break, what else are you going to do with that time off? I hope you're still with Tem maybe it's official by now? maybe? Still haven't gotten those pebbles and jars, I do need to do that. I hope you're going to the gym 3 times a week however you decided to work that schedule out. I hope you're balancing friends, work, and girlfriend (if you have one) I know it can be easy to let one of the three atrophy. Please don't, get as much out of this one ride as you can. This summer I hope you actually garden weekly if not more since you aren't working. I also hope you fill your classroom with plants in your second year once we can start breathing a bit. Iceland or New Zealand once you flip the coin it'll be down to the loser and Machu Picchu for 2019. I know 29 year old Adam wanted me to read more Berry but it turns out Tem took me to hear him read to me! That's how amazing she is in case you forgot please don't ever forget. As for the 100 greatest novels of all time list I've finished 5 of them...a bit of a way to go but it's a start. Please at least get another 5 done. As 29 year old Adam said to me last year, Don't become hard cement stay flexible and open to ideas and lenses. I hope you're working on your science and social studies lesson plans this second year. Please tell me you've found a way to combine writing, reading, and science/social studies there isn't enough time in the day to do it any other way. I hope you got the courage to finally cut the manbun. It's been a good ride, but we need to move on...it was more of a late 20's Adam thing...I hope you're spending more time with friends than I have this fall since teaching started. Please at least watch the 1pm Sunday games with Neuy. Life has been good. I've been thinking 2017 might have been the best year of my life. I hope 2018 will be.
Things I've learned since turning 29:
This winter I learned I really do love teaching. Student teaching has been an amazing experience and I can't wait to have more control in my own classroom hopefully this fall. I'm kind of nervous about my 30's it looks like my circle of friends is growing smaller and smaller. But I'm also realizing I'm too much of an introvert to care enough to go out and meet people, or even ask existing friends if they'd like to hang out. Lately if I feel the desire to do something I won't invite anyone else I'll just go do it by myself. It feels like it's only a matter of time before my friends in their thirties decide to get married. The idea of this fills me with anxiety. I miss those days where my place was filled with roommates all of us just spending weekends together hanging out. My number went up to 9 way too fast. Kelly, Maya, Ericca, Lauren, Sarah, Elizabeth, Emily, Emily, Brittney So I decided to give up looking. I've also started to embrace what it means to be an introvert. I'm not sure if it is only because it is winter but I've spent most of this first quarter of the year locked in my room especially once I decided to give up the search for a girlfriend. I'm not sure what this next stage of life will look like. Will I slowly grow apart from my friends I've known my whole life? Will I meet a woman who makes being with someone seem better than being alone? I don't know but one thing I do know, I found a career. I found something that makes me excited about Mondays and pays the bills. Isn't that the goal when it comes to a career? (March 20 First day of Spring) This spring I finished my grad school program at Ashland. I not only finished student teaching but I also landed a job at Africentric teaching kindergarten. Currently I am back full time at the VECC I was working in the after school program with the K-2 classroom then I joined Mandi and Misty in A12 and now starting next week I will be back in A01 with the prek class as a lead while Beulah goes home to India for the summer. I spent this spring enjoying being single. Embracing the single life finally. Tempestt and I failed at not communicating so she cut me out and it has made these past few weeks very difficult. I guess I'm getting off topic, I learned I have very strong feelings towards her and it seems I will never have the chance to express them. I learned where I will be teaching for the next three years. I learned how difficult backpacking can be and that I need much lighter gear. I cut off my manbun and learned that I want that long hair back. Also that nine went up to 10 Ashleigh . I learned that marriage may not be for me and maybe a serious relationship might not either. (June 21 First day of Summer) 10 went to 11 Miriam Summer was a big change in my life. I changed jobs, apartments, and friends moved away. I learned that German Village is kinda too far south, and I learned that some intersections (mainly Mohawk and Kossuth) smell like sewage often. 11 went to 12 Jasmine I learned that loyalty is a deep character trait within myself. After Alicia wasn't allowed to work at the VECC I made her last day, my last day. 12 went to 13 Pritha. I also learned that justice is something important to me. In my two weeks notice I exposed somethings that were not right in the VECC and a few weeks later both the director and the assistant director were let go. I learned that teaching takes up a lot of time. SLOs, RIMPs, KRA, MAP, ILEAD, PAR, RESA, PDs, CEA working to the rule, and just the general task of building a curriculum and prepping each day. But with that I learned that I really enjoy teaching. I learned that all the work is worth it and I'm excited for my second year and to see how the rest of this school year goes. I'm slowly getting the hang of it but these 13 hour days can't be sustainable. I learned Tempestt is everything she seemed to be through messages. I think probably 95% of my days spent living in German Village I have seen her in someway, walking through Schiller, drinks at Mohawk, Big Brother finale on my couch, Club Diversity with Vanessa, and so on. She's a truly wonderful human. (September 22 First day of Autumn) And here we are again, another birthday. 30 complete laps around the sun. Work has been getting easier I've been getting out of work earlier and earlier bit by bit as I figure out my routine and what's working for this particular class. What are the things I've learned? I think I've learned how much I've grown by talking with Tem. I guess I left this part out when I wrote here the first day of autumn but Tem and I started communicating again when we both, through fate or whatever you'd like, moved to German Vilage. She decided to separate with her husband after years of abuse whether that be verbal, emotional, intimidating, and sometimes physical. That couldn't have been easy for her and I can't imagine what it must have felt like to not feel comfortable and safe in your own home to have the variable of not knowing what will happen when the person who vowed to protect you and keep you safe walks in the door and consistently breaks those vows. But she's stronger and more self sufficient than I think she even knows. The more things we go through the more I see I am able to communicate honestly and healthily with her. I'm not sure if I've grown or it's just how amazing she is. She's very easy to get along with and spending time with her is so easy and natural. In fact I'm struggling to sit here and think of something thoughtful when I know Tem is almost home and I want to go to her place and see her. I've learned life is better shared with someone and I've known that who that someone is makes all the difference on whether life is better shared or alone. 31 year old Adam...Please remember to take a step back. Remember to let the small things go. Remember to trust the words of those you care about. Remember to breathe. Don't let insecurities destroy and take from you the things that are truly important in life. Remember to invest in the people that make this life so amazing. Yes that means you should probably buy surprise gifts for Hendye and Roma, yes that means you should be working your ass off to surprise Tem and listen to her to come up with those surprises. Try to express to her how much she means to us. 28 year old Adam would lose his mind if he knew how this has played out since that bachelor party last summer. Anyway, Adam, love yourself, love those around you and remember unexpressed gratitude is ingratitude. I love you Adam, everything will be alright. I hope this letter finds you well.
My 20's: A decade in photos
1987 Born
1988 00
1989 01
1990 02
1991 03
1992 04
1993 05 Started Grade School
1994 06
1995 07
1996 08
1997 09
1998 10
1999 11
2000 12
2001 13
2002 14
2003 15
2004 16
2005 17
2006 18 Graduated High School
2007 19
2008 20
2009 21
2010 22 Graduated College
2011 23
2012 24
2013 25
2014 26
2015 27
2016 28
2017 29 Ohio Early Childhood Teaching License
I've just turned 30. It took every last day of my 20's to get here. The start of this year I lost my health insurance and I became unemployed. I got a membership at planet fitness and it's the worst gym. They don't have any of the equipment I want...like a simple bench press rack...but it's $10 a month and I was unemployed in the winter. I began my student teaching at Leawood Elementary the week of MLK day. It was a lot of fun working with those 3rd graders and learning a lot about blended learning. Donald Trump was actually inaugurated at the president of the country I live in...and yes it has been every bit as terrible as he promised it would be. Nazis and KKK members marching in the streets under the guise of "Free Speech." I went to Colorado in March. During that trip my mom called to let me know my dad's mother (my grandmother) had passed away. The trip was a lot of fun spending the days hiking by myself in the mountains and spending the evenings with my friends around the high brow ski towns. I wonder how dad feels to not have either of his parents alive. This will be his first Christmas without his mother, how strange. I was offered a kindergarten position at Africentric in April after being hired by the district at the job fair. I finished my program at Ashland in May. I backpacked some of the AT in the Smoky mountains during memorial day weekend. Brian Jared and I camped in Cuyahoga Valley in June that trip was less than interesting. Maryland in July for our yearly Atlantic trip. Claire moved to the middle east and Melissa got married so Travis and I moved to German village in Mid July/ early August. I started teaching in late August and it's been a lot but I knew it would be. Brian moved to Seattle this summer and that has sucked, Dain moved to Chicago.
Things I'm doing now:
It's crazy to read 29 year old Adam's letter to me when he said, "I'm so excited to become a teacher. When you read this you will hopefully be one!" Because I'm sitting here right now, 31 year old Adam, and I am exactly what he hoped we'd be. I've been seeing Tem for four months now, this is the longest I've been talking to someone exclusively since the summer of 2015. And I think this is the first time I've been seeing someone on my birthday since...fuck maybe high school? I know 29 year old Adam wanted me to be seeing someone when I write this letter and I am although it's much more complicated than I think he would have liked it to be I think he'd be very happy to know it's Tem and it certainly isn't settling. Please 31 year old Adam tell me you didn't fuck this thing up when you read this. Please don't. She's amazing in every way. I won't gush about her because if you fuck it up the last thing you need is a reminder from me about how great this time of our life has been. We did Halloween together I went out as an organized costume group like you've always wanted. We have been doing a lot of those couples things you've wanted for a while with someone worth doing it with...she's more than I could have asked for. I'm working the job that I've wanted for the past two years. It's been amazing, it's crazy to be cashing these fat ass checks every other week but most of it has just been going towards the Ashland debt. I'm sure 32 year old Adam will thank me and you when he's debt free. Things I'm doing now? as sad as it is my schedule still feels as full as if I were in grad school because of the late nights at the school figuring out what I'm suppose to be doing. I should probably spend more time with my friends before they all get married off and I never see them.
Things I hope you're doing:
Another terrible job practicing guitar please tell me you did a better job in 2018, at least over summer break, what else are you going to do with that time off? I hope you're still with Tem maybe it's official by now? maybe? Still haven't gotten those pebbles and jars, I do need to do that. I hope you're going to the gym 3 times a week however you decided to work that schedule out. I hope you're balancing friends, work, and girlfriend (if you have one) I know it can be easy to let one of the three atrophy. Please don't, get as much out of this one ride as you can. This summer I hope you actually garden weekly if not more since you aren't working. I also hope you fill your classroom with plants in your second year once we can start breathing a bit. Iceland or New Zealand once you flip the coin it'll be down to the loser and Machu Picchu for 2019. I know 29 year old Adam wanted me to read more Berry but it turns out Tem took me to hear him read to me! That's how amazing she is in case you forgot please don't ever forget. As for the 100 greatest novels of all time list I've finished 5 of them...a bit of a way to go but it's a start. Please at least get another 5 done. As 29 year old Adam said to me last year, Don't become hard cement stay flexible and open to ideas and lenses. I hope you're working on your science and social studies lesson plans this second year. Please tell me you've found a way to combine writing, reading, and science/social studies there isn't enough time in the day to do it any other way. I hope you got the courage to finally cut the manbun. It's been a good ride, but we need to move on...it was more of a late 20's Adam thing...I hope you're spending more time with friends than I have this fall since teaching started. Please at least watch the 1pm Sunday games with Neuy. Life has been good. I've been thinking 2017 might have been the best year of my life. I hope 2018 will be.
Things I've learned since turning 29:
This winter I learned I really do love teaching. Student teaching has been an amazing experience and I can't wait to have more control in my own classroom hopefully this fall. I'm kind of nervous about my 30's it looks like my circle of friends is growing smaller and smaller. But I'm also realizing I'm too much of an introvert to care enough to go out and meet people, or even ask existing friends if they'd like to hang out. Lately if I feel the desire to do something I won't invite anyone else I'll just go do it by myself. It feels like it's only a matter of time before my friends in their thirties decide to get married. The idea of this fills me with anxiety. I miss those days where my place was filled with roommates all of us just spending weekends together hanging out. My number went up to 9 way too fast. Kelly, Maya, Ericca, Lauren, Sarah, Elizabeth, Emily, Emily, Brittney So I decided to give up looking. I've also started to embrace what it means to be an introvert. I'm not sure if it is only because it is winter but I've spent most of this first quarter of the year locked in my room especially once I decided to give up the search for a girlfriend. I'm not sure what this next stage of life will look like. Will I slowly grow apart from my friends I've known my whole life? Will I meet a woman who makes being with someone seem better than being alone? I don't know but one thing I do know, I found a career. I found something that makes me excited about Mondays and pays the bills. Isn't that the goal when it comes to a career? (March 20 First day of Spring) This spring I finished my grad school program at Ashland. I not only finished student teaching but I also landed a job at Africentric teaching kindergarten. Currently I am back full time at the VECC I was working in the after school program with the K-2 classroom then I joined Mandi and Misty in A12 and now starting next week I will be back in A01 with the prek class as a lead while Beulah goes home to India for the summer. I spent this spring enjoying being single. Embracing the single life finally. Tempestt and I failed at not communicating so she cut me out and it has made these past few weeks very difficult. I guess I'm getting off topic, I learned I have very strong feelings towards her and it seems I will never have the chance to express them. I learned where I will be teaching for the next three years. I learned how difficult backpacking can be and that I need much lighter gear. I cut off my manbun and learned that I want that long hair back. Also that nine went up to 10 Ashleigh . I learned that marriage may not be for me and maybe a serious relationship might not either. (June 21 First day of Summer) 10 went to 11 Miriam Summer was a big change in my life. I changed jobs, apartments, and friends moved away. I learned that German Village is kinda too far south, and I learned that some intersections (mainly Mohawk and Kossuth) smell like sewage often. 11 went to 12 Jasmine I learned that loyalty is a deep character trait within myself. After Alicia wasn't allowed to work at the VECC I made her last day, my last day. 12 went to 13 Pritha. I also learned that justice is something important to me. In my two weeks notice I exposed somethings that were not right in the VECC and a few weeks later both the director and the assistant director were let go. I learned that teaching takes up a lot of time. SLOs, RIMPs, KRA, MAP, ILEAD, PAR, RESA, PDs, CEA working to the rule, and just the general task of building a curriculum and prepping each day. But with that I learned that I really enjoy teaching. I learned that all the work is worth it and I'm excited for my second year and to see how the rest of this school year goes. I'm slowly getting the hang of it but these 13 hour days can't be sustainable. I learned Tempestt is everything she seemed to be through messages. I think probably 95% of my days spent living in German Village I have seen her in someway, walking through Schiller, drinks at Mohawk, Big Brother finale on my couch, Club Diversity with Vanessa, and so on. She's a truly wonderful human. (September 22 First day of Autumn) And here we are again, another birthday. 30 complete laps around the sun. Work has been getting easier I've been getting out of work earlier and earlier bit by bit as I figure out my routine and what's working for this particular class. What are the things I've learned? I think I've learned how much I've grown by talking with Tem. I guess I left this part out when I wrote here the first day of autumn but Tem and I started communicating again when we both, through fate or whatever you'd like, moved to German Vilage. She decided to separate with her husband after years of abuse whether that be verbal, emotional, intimidating, and sometimes physical. That couldn't have been easy for her and I can't imagine what it must have felt like to not feel comfortable and safe in your own home to have the variable of not knowing what will happen when the person who vowed to protect you and keep you safe walks in the door and consistently breaks those vows. But she's stronger and more self sufficient than I think she even knows. The more things we go through the more I see I am able to communicate honestly and healthily with her. I'm not sure if I've grown or it's just how amazing she is. She's very easy to get along with and spending time with her is so easy and natural. In fact I'm struggling to sit here and think of something thoughtful when I know Tem is almost home and I want to go to her place and see her. I've learned life is better shared with someone and I've known that who that someone is makes all the difference on whether life is better shared or alone. 31 year old Adam...Please remember to take a step back. Remember to let the small things go. Remember to trust the words of those you care about. Remember to breathe. Don't let insecurities destroy and take from you the things that are truly important in life. Remember to invest in the people that make this life so amazing. Yes that means you should probably buy surprise gifts for Hendye and Roma, yes that means you should be working your ass off to surprise Tem and listen to her to come up with those surprises. Try to express to her how much she means to us. 28 year old Adam would lose his mind if he knew how this has played out since that bachelor party last summer. Anyway, Adam, love yourself, love those around you and remember unexpressed gratitude is ingratitude. I love you Adam, everything will be alright. I hope this letter finds you well.
My 20's: A decade in photos
1987 Born
1988 00
1989 01
1990 02
1991 03
1992 04
1993 05 Started Grade School
1994 06
1995 07
1996 08
1997 09
1998 10
1999 11
2000 12
2001 13
2002 14
2003 15
2004 16
2005 17
2006 18 Graduated High School
2007 19
2008 20
2009 21
2010 22 Graduated College
2011 23
2012 24
2013 25
2014 26
2015 27
2016 28
2017 29 Ohio Early Childhood Teaching License