I ended things with Sarah. We are simply friends without anything more.
Friday night I hung out with Hope
Saturday night I hung out with Megan
This stuff isn't working like I'd hoped.
I feel like I'm putting bandages over a broken leg and no matter how many I add it's not solving the problem.
I won't want to confess what the problem is on here because it will mean I'm admitting to it.
We both know what the problem is.
But we both know there isn't a solution.
I knew it wasn't a good idea to go and try to whore myself out in order to erase the past but moving in some direction is better than standing still.
But I think even if standing still isn't the best option for me it's where I need to be. Anything else does more harm than good.
I don't want to talk about her anymore.
I don't want to write about her anymore.
Even when I cut her out completely she manages to find her way back into my thoughts.
Here we are another month past. This makes 7 (but who's counting)
and my damn heart can't seem to disconnect from the past.
My head yells "get over it you idiot" slapping my heart but my heart calmly responds "you don't understand"
Now I understand.
Sometimes to stay alive you got to kill your mind, the heart is not so easily changed but the head can be persuaded.
She use to ask me if I believed anyone could marry anyone...
She told me she didn't "feel" enough for me.
Now I know exactly what she was talking about in both cases.
But understanding is one thing
Moving on is quite another animal.
I'm fairly certain she'll be at the memorial day cook out at the pantry. I don't know how to act or what to do. Do I ignore her? Do I act like nothing is wrong? Do I try to rekindle a fire she has made very clear she doesn't want lit again?
I hate what ifs
they are fear in disguise.
and oh how I do hate fear.
I have learned some things from this short month of hanging with other women and it's that I don't want to hang with other women.
This isn't what I wanted to learn but it is how I feel.
I need to accept that and try to understand and figure out what this means moving forward.
I hope this is the last time I write about her.
7 months, this is beyond pathetic.
I wish it was all a dream
The Head and the Heart - Another Story
Friday night I hung out with Hope
Saturday night I hung out with Megan
This stuff isn't working like I'd hoped.
I feel like I'm putting bandages over a broken leg and no matter how many I add it's not solving the problem.
I won't want to confess what the problem is on here because it will mean I'm admitting to it.
We both know what the problem is.
But we both know there isn't a solution.
I knew it wasn't a good idea to go and try to whore myself out in order to erase the past but moving in some direction is better than standing still.
But I think even if standing still isn't the best option for me it's where I need to be. Anything else does more harm than good.
I don't want to talk about her anymore.
I don't want to write about her anymore.
Even when I cut her out completely she manages to find her way back into my thoughts.
Here we are another month past. This makes 7 (but who's counting)
and my damn heart can't seem to disconnect from the past.
My head yells "get over it you idiot" slapping my heart but my heart calmly responds "you don't understand"
Now I understand.
Sometimes to stay alive you got to kill your mind, the heart is not so easily changed but the head can be persuaded.
She use to ask me if I believed anyone could marry anyone...
She told me she didn't "feel" enough for me.
Now I know exactly what she was talking about in both cases.
But understanding is one thing
Moving on is quite another animal.
I'm fairly certain she'll be at the memorial day cook out at the pantry. I don't know how to act or what to do. Do I ignore her? Do I act like nothing is wrong? Do I try to rekindle a fire she has made very clear she doesn't want lit again?
I hate what ifs
they are fear in disguise.
and oh how I do hate fear.
I have learned some things from this short month of hanging with other women and it's that I don't want to hang with other women.
This isn't what I wanted to learn but it is how I feel.
I need to accept that and try to understand and figure out what this means moving forward.
I hope this is the last time I write about her.
7 months, this is beyond pathetic.
I wish it was all a dream
The Head and the Heart - Another Story