Son of a bitch, am I doomed to repeat my mistakes again and again?
Not this time. I'm feeling exactly how I felt when I had just turned 21 years old.
12/05/08
I break up with someone I find out they are with someone else and I flip out.
Well It's been seven years since then and I'll be damned if I repeat it.
Who knows what could have happened between Jimmy and Whitney back then. Had I not interfered they could have gotten married and she would have never gotten divorced. I made this decision and I will stick with it.
I refuse to try and ruin another potential thing for an ex girlfriend just because I miss her.
I knew back in September how awesome she was and I made my choice.
This morning I was sitting in the locker room of the gym after my workout and one of the regulars was sitting adjacent to me. I asked him if he was married and how long. He said 33 years and two kids. He asked me and I told him I got out of something in the fall and I'm too busy with school anyway. He said it sounded like she was willing to make it work even with my schedule and that I made a mistake and should try to talk to her again. He went on to talk about how great marriage is and how his wife is his best friend. He talked about how hard it was and how much growing it took them together. I told him you never know if the other person is willing to put in the work with you. He kept telling me I made a mistake breaking up with her.
What does he know? We fought all the time. My brain keeps bringing up all the old stuff our trips to Cleveland or Cedar Point Hiking. Our adventures around the city at night with our homeless friends. Her 20th birthday. The Parish Farming Internship. But all of that stuff was years ago and this last time around wasn't anything like that. I couldn't even tell her how much I've been struggling with faith and death. I'm not going to make the same mistake with her as I did to Whitney. This time my brain is fully developed. I can control my emotions better now. I'm a fucking stupid romantic who can never really know when something is over. I miss our conversations. I miss her. This is over. She wanted it over in 2012.
Reasons why I'm not going to talk to Bea again:
She moved on showing she wasn't that into me
I already beggged for her to come back to me twice
I am the one that did it this time. It's my fault
We fought all the time
She left me a Bibibop
She never forgave the moving thing
The first night we had sex
We fought all the time
The entire drive to Denver
I'm too busy with school to even have a relationship
She wants to move to Colorado
She dumped me twice before
I don't know if I want to get married
I will get over this. I am being dumb. I deserve someone who doesn't want anyone else. Someone I don't fight with as much. You're 28 fucking years old Adam be a man live with your choices and get the fuck over it. Stop being so selfish and be happy for her.
We grow, grow, steady as the morning
We grow, grow, older still
Ben Howard - Old Pine
Not this time. I'm feeling exactly how I felt when I had just turned 21 years old.
12/05/08
I break up with someone I find out they are with someone else and I flip out.
Well It's been seven years since then and I'll be damned if I repeat it.
Who knows what could have happened between Jimmy and Whitney back then. Had I not interfered they could have gotten married and she would have never gotten divorced. I made this decision and I will stick with it.
I refuse to try and ruin another potential thing for an ex girlfriend just because I miss her.
I knew back in September how awesome she was and I made my choice.
This morning I was sitting in the locker room of the gym after my workout and one of the regulars was sitting adjacent to me. I asked him if he was married and how long. He said 33 years and two kids. He asked me and I told him I got out of something in the fall and I'm too busy with school anyway. He said it sounded like she was willing to make it work even with my schedule and that I made a mistake and should try to talk to her again. He went on to talk about how great marriage is and how his wife is his best friend. He talked about how hard it was and how much growing it took them together. I told him you never know if the other person is willing to put in the work with you. He kept telling me I made a mistake breaking up with her.
What does he know? We fought all the time. My brain keeps bringing up all the old stuff our trips to Cleveland or Cedar Point Hiking. Our adventures around the city at night with our homeless friends. Her 20th birthday. The Parish Farming Internship. But all of that stuff was years ago and this last time around wasn't anything like that. I couldn't even tell her how much I've been struggling with faith and death. I'm not going to make the same mistake with her as I did to Whitney. This time my brain is fully developed. I can control my emotions better now. I'm a fucking stupid romantic who can never really know when something is over. I miss our conversations. I miss her. This is over. She wanted it over in 2012.
Reasons why I'm not going to talk to Bea again:
She moved on showing she wasn't that into me
I already beggged for her to come back to me twice
I am the one that did it this time. It's my fault
We fought all the time
She left me a Bibibop
She never forgave the moving thing
The first night we had sex
We fought all the time
The entire drive to Denver
I'm too busy with school to even have a relationship
She wants to move to Colorado
She dumped me twice before
I don't know if I want to get married
I will get over this. I am being dumb. I deserve someone who doesn't want anyone else. Someone I don't fight with as much. You're 28 fucking years old Adam be a man live with your choices and get the fuck over it. Stop being so selfish and be happy for her.
We grow, grow, steady as the morning
We grow, grow, older still
Ben Howard - Old Pine