Loyal
I dream of my life being the personification of hope but the more I think about it the more I find the word loyal resting at the bottom of my brain.
Loyal
loyal to my friends
loyal to Ohio
loyal to my religion
loyal to my traditions
loyal to my exs
I remember that summer day eating Graeters on the bench together as she read my astrological sign.
Loyal
That's when the seed was planted. Looking through my story with the lens of loyalty
The boulder in the middle of the river, as time flows by, as life continues the rock remains. The leaves change color, the water freezes, the clouds blow past the rock stays there. Reliable, faithful, consistent.
Roots deep in my place. investment, knowing, home.
What good are all the adventures if there is no place to return home?
In exactly two months I'll be 29 years old.
I suppose my strength is my weakness
my ability to never give up on something
my ability to never commit to anything
Commitment from a loyal man can be a dangerous thing to himself.
Words don't mean as much to people as they do to me.
People change, people go with the flow of the river.
Travis always says, if you aren't growing, you're dying.
I hate that capitalistic business mentality of MORE MORE MORE
but my feelings on the issue don't change the truth of his words.
If we stand still, it is a form of moving backwards.
There is only forward.
My whole life I've always wanted to get married. I've wanted to have a wife I could make smile every morning and kiss every night. A wife to stand next to as we explore the world, a wife to know, a picture on my desk. I've always wanted children. To be defined as a father, a grandfather.
But maybe I don't want that anymore.
Maybe I can't anymore.
I've only loved two women, both of them abandoned me for other things.
What is that?
eight years with one
four years with the other
When love and trust are gone. I guess this is moving on
loyal.
I don't know if I want a wife.
I don't know if I want to trust like that again.
Sure sex is fun
and having someone to experience life with is great
but maybe marriage isn't for me.
Even if I happen to find someone I am willing to give myself to again, what will the result be?
My brother's marriage?
My parents'?
horrible fake engagement photos, blood diamonds, thousand dollar cakes, dresses for only one night, weddings set at some vintage farmhouse, Edison bulbs, and outside weddings, it's all so insincere and trendy.
Thinking about going to a jeweler makes me sick to my stomach
Thinking about scheduling our over priced white privilege engagement photos to show off for likes and comments online makes me want to barf.
I don't know, I need to let my brain process this more.
Do the stars determine the kind of man I am? Loyal and afraid of commitment?
Blind Pilot - The Story I Heard
I dream of my life being the personification of hope but the more I think about it the more I find the word loyal resting at the bottom of my brain.
Loyal
loyal to my friends
loyal to Ohio
loyal to my religion
loyal to my traditions
loyal to my exs
I remember that summer day eating Graeters on the bench together as she read my astrological sign.
Loyal
That's when the seed was planted. Looking through my story with the lens of loyalty
The boulder in the middle of the river, as time flows by, as life continues the rock remains. The leaves change color, the water freezes, the clouds blow past the rock stays there. Reliable, faithful, consistent.
Roots deep in my place. investment, knowing, home.
What good are all the adventures if there is no place to return home?
In exactly two months I'll be 29 years old.
I suppose my strength is my weakness
my ability to never give up on something
my ability to never commit to anything
Commitment from a loyal man can be a dangerous thing to himself.
Words don't mean as much to people as they do to me.
People change, people go with the flow of the river.
Travis always says, if you aren't growing, you're dying.
I hate that capitalistic business mentality of MORE MORE MORE
but my feelings on the issue don't change the truth of his words.
If we stand still, it is a form of moving backwards.
There is only forward.
My whole life I've always wanted to get married. I've wanted to have a wife I could make smile every morning and kiss every night. A wife to stand next to as we explore the world, a wife to know, a picture on my desk. I've always wanted children. To be defined as a father, a grandfather.
But maybe I don't want that anymore.
Maybe I can't anymore.
I've only loved two women, both of them abandoned me for other things.
What is that?
eight years with one
four years with the other
When love and trust are gone. I guess this is moving on
loyal.
I don't know if I want a wife.
I don't know if I want to trust like that again.
Sure sex is fun
and having someone to experience life with is great
but maybe marriage isn't for me.
Even if I happen to find someone I am willing to give myself to again, what will the result be?
My brother's marriage?
My parents'?
horrible fake engagement photos, blood diamonds, thousand dollar cakes, dresses for only one night, weddings set at some vintage farmhouse, Edison bulbs, and outside weddings, it's all so insincere and trendy.
Thinking about going to a jeweler makes me sick to my stomach
Thinking about scheduling our over priced white privilege engagement photos to show off for likes and comments online makes me want to barf.
I don't know, I need to let my brain process this more.
Do the stars determine the kind of man I am? Loyal and afraid of commitment?
Blind Pilot - The Story I Heard