-C.S.Lewis
Eight years ago tonight. Eight Super Bowl Sundays ago. I will never forget when I first saw her.
One year ago she was next to me, under my arm. We made dinner together. We watched the game together. She worked on her grad school homework as I was at her side.
What's wrong with me? Why can't I move on? Everyone else does it. People move on from relationships that lasted longer than ours and even marriages that lasted longer than our relationship. Why can't I release my grip? She isn't perfect. But then again love isn't about being perfect. Love is about loving despite the imperfections.
Jesus, she is gone. She isn't coming back and she doesn't have a single fiber of regret about it. How do I get to that place?
Forgiveness is not forgetting. Forgiveness is practicing non remembrance.
I failed in that relationship. I failed and there is nothing I can do. She betrayed me and there is nothing I can do.
How do I forgive the same offense again every time it recurs to the memory?
Heal me o Lord. Walk with me through this process. I want to be completely free. I want to be completely whole.