"Hey Adam, where is that pretty girlfriend of yours? I haven't seen her around. Don't let that one go!"
...and the scab of the wound is torn off. The knife goes in a little deeper. I respond, "We broke up, she's engaged to another guy now." The look on the persons face can't even begin to reflect the expression of my heart. I can tell they are as shocked and confused as I am. Life goes on, one day at a time.
As I was talking to this homeless man, who I hadn't seen since the break up, we started talking about walking the walk. He told me doctors practice medicine, lawyers practice law, Christians practice Christianity. I couldn't agree more. I told him it's one thing to say you're a Christian it's another thing to forgive like Jesus.
Forgiveness is the air for my spiritual lungs.
I inhale Your forgiveness but unless I exhale forgiveness towards her I can not inhale more forgiveness from You. Then I suffocate and die spiritually.
I sit holding my spiritual breath, turning blue in the face. I don't always get all the answers. I don't always get justice. The point You made on Earth isn't forgive x amount of times or forgive in these circumstances. The point is forgive. If I don't forgive I'll kill myself. No one is holding back my breathing but myself. With my cheeks full of air I try to explain to You how bad I am hurting and how deep the knife was pushed.
None of that matters. You were betrayed and denied by Your friends. You were abandoned, circumstances, situations, personal injuries, none of it mattered.
Jesus I know I must exhale forgiveness towards her in order to receive a breath of fresh forgiveness from You. It isn't easy. I can't stand not having her in my life. I can't stand not having those conversations, those cuddling moments, her family, her love, her friendship, her heart, I can not stand not having her.
There is a reason for this. There is a lesson, a teaching, a training, a ministry, a purpose for this.
Until I see what You see I will faithfully trust in You Lord.
Psalm 102