I've never felt so hollow. I'm an old abandoned church with broken pews and empty aisles. My secrets for a buck. Watch me as I cut myself wide open on this stage. Yes, I am paid to spill my guts.
-I Will Play My Game Beneath the Spin Light
Oscars are tomorrow. Doesn't feel all that long ago I was watching them last year. I don't know if I'll ever forget that weekend. The older we get the more scarred we become. We wear our brokenness like wrinkles as we age. A lot of stuff reminds me of her, us, what was. Reading Nehemiah, stocking up on snacks, holding her. Pouring out ἔρως towards one another. Lord I see how foolish I was to neglect my heart. Refill me o God, I will guard this new heart better.
Have mercy on me, O God,
because of your unfailing love.
Because of your great compassion,
blot out the stain of my sins.
Purify me from my sins, and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
Oh, give me back my joy again;
you have broken me—
now let me rejoice.
Restore to me the joy of your salvation,
and make me willing to obey you.
Look with favor on Zion and help her;
rebuild the walls of Jerusalem.
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
Remove the stain of my guilt.
Create in me a clean heart, O God.
rebuild the walls of my heart.
The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit.
You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God.
Jesus, my heart is broken. Please do not reject it o God. Give me back my joy again, let me rejoice.
White as Snow - Jon Foreman
Wash me white as snow, I will be made whole.