No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.
-C.S.Lewis
1 Corinthians 7
...But I wish everyone were single, just as I am. Yet each person has a special gift from God, of one kind or another.
8 So I say to those who aren’t married and to widows—it’s better to stay unmarried, just as I am.
17 Each of you should continue to live in whatever situation the Lord has placed you, and remain as you were when God first called you. This is my rule for all the churches. 20 Yes, each of you should remain as you were when God called you. 24 Each of you, dear brothers and sisters, should remain as you were when God first called you.
25 Now regarding your question about the young women who are not yet married. I do not have a command from the Lord for them. But the Lord in his mercy has given me wisdom that can be trusted, and I will share it with you. 26 Because of the present crisis, I think it is best to remain as you are. 27 If you have a wife, do not seek to end the marriage. If you do not have a wife, do not seek to get married. 28 But if you do get married, it is not a sin. And if a young woman gets married, it is not a sin. However, those who get married at this time will have troubles, and I am trying to spare you those problems.
29 But let me say this, dear brothers and sisters: The time that remains is very short. So from now on, those with wives should not focus only on their marriage.
32 I want you to be free from the concerns of this life. An unmarried man can spend his time doing the Lord’s work and thinking how to please him. 33 But a married man has to think about his earthly responsibilities and how to please his wife. 34 His interests are divided. In the same way, a woman who is no longer married or has never been married can be devoted to the Lord and holy in body and in spirit. But a married woman has to think about her earthly responsibilities and how to please her husband. 35 I am saying this for your benefit, not to place restrictions on you. I want you to do whatever will help you serve the Lord best, with as few distractions as possible.
39 A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. If her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but only if he loves the Lord. 40 But in my opinion it would be better for her to stay single, and I think I am giving you counsel from God’s Spirit when I say this.
Why do Christians get married?
I suppose I want to get married because it's what my culture tells me to do. But there are a lot of things my culture tells me to do that don't please You. I'm trying to look at the topic of marriage from an unbiased perspective. Why do Christians get married? Jesus wasn't married. Paul seems to think marriage isn't ideal for a Christian. So why get married?
Marriage is suppose to be selfless but to me it seems selfish. Convince a woman to love me, then I have to maintain that convincing and if I fail too many times she will leave me. It doesn't matter how much I actually love the woman perception is reality. If the woman doesn't feel loved then they aren't despite how the man actually feels. Or perhaps she does feel his love to the full extent but she simply doesn't desire his love. I want to get married so that I can have someone to spend this life with. I want to make someone happy and get to know them on a deep level. I want to make them really happy. This sounds selfless on the surface but as I think about it more every reason is really selfish. Marriage is all about finding someone who makes ME happy and who I want to be happy.
Lets say You put the perfect woman in my life. Lets say she makes me forget all about my past heartbreak and history. Wouldn't it be selfish of me to take her hand in marriage and withhold her love from another one of my brothers in Christ?
How could I marry a woman? I would be taking a woman away from one of my brothers.
I never considered this until I had the woman I love taken from me by a brother. What I have gone through and what I am reminded of daily, I wouldn't wish this sort of agony on anyone. My dreams still haunt me with her memory each night. If I were to meet a woman how am I to know if one of my brothers isn't fighting for her heart? How selfish of me to snuff out his hope of a life with her so that I could fill a hole in my life that I know You are more than capable filling.
How am I to know that she wouldn't be better suited with another man? Perhaps we seem like the perfect match when we get married but people change. Nothing stays the same, everything changes. Suddenly I become incapable of meeting her desires.
Or once I have her hand in marriage she begins to wish she was with another man? Now she made a promise when she was young to stay with me until she or I die. She is forced to stay a prisoner of love to me and me alone. It feels selfish.
It is selfish to take a woman away from a brother.
It is selfish to hold a woman away from a brother.
Everything was so clear with her. I was hers and she was mine. How does love grow? Whenever I look at other women all I see are other men's wives or future wives of other men.
Genesis 2:18-23
18 Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” 19 So the LORD God formed from the ground all the wild animals and all the birds of the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would call them, and the man chose a name for each one. 20 He gave names to all the livestock, all the birds of the sky, and all the wild animals. But still there was no helper just right for him.
21 So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. While the man slept, the LORD God took out one of the man’s ribs and closed up the opening. 22 Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man.
23 “At last!” the man exclaimed.
“This one is bone from my bone,
and flesh from my flesh!
She will be called ‘woman,’
because she was taken from ‘man.’”
I know exactly how Adam felt when he first saw Eve. I can't describe it but it is very good. What isn't mentioned here is how painful it is when women choose to no longer be with men. How could I deprive one of my brothers from experiencing the "At last!" moment that is embedded into our fabric as men by permanently keeping a woman for myself?
Wives are not the source of joy, they are merely a conduit. All I need is You Lord.
As I ponder this I uncover a fourth truth. No one can ever truly know someone. Ask Megan McAllister if she thought she knew her fiancé. This world is so broken.