What is ἔρως?
Ancient Greeks identified four forms of love: kinship or familiarity (in Greek, storge), friendship (philia), sexual and/or romantic desire (eros), and self-emptying or divine love (agape).
romantic desire?
Addiction is any compulsive, habitual behavior that limits the freedom of human desire. It is caused by the attachment, or nailing, of desire to specific objects.
-Addiction & Grace, Gerald May
Addiction is out of control desire?
I've been reading this book about addiction and it talks about the neurological nature of addiction.
Our bodies crave and go to great lengths to reach an equilibrium. A balance.
"In order to work together, nerve cells need to communicate. They send messages through connections called 'synapses'... At each synapse, communication takes place when the axon of one cell releases a chemical called a 'neurotransmitter'. This chemical passes across the tiny synaptic cleft between the cells and is received by a chemical structure called a 'neuroreceptor' on the next cell."
When something causes a disturbance in the balance of our brains our cells modify their functions. This is called feedback.
"Feedback can occur in one of three ways: cells that are overactive may be inhibited; cells that are underactive my be stimulated; and cells that are doing well may be facilitated."
"Habituation is the neurological cause of tolerance, but technically it refers only to the process by which nerve cells become less sensitive and responsive to repeating stimuli."
habituation occurs when you first walk into a room and smell the wonderful scent of the candle but after a while your nerve cells become less sensitive to the stimuli and you no longer notice it. Thus an increased amount of the scent would have to be introduced in order to break the newly balanced tolerance for the stimuli.
"When neither feedback nor habituation is effective, the repeated messages move in and disturb the natural balance of the systems. Then a new balance must be created. A new normality must be established. This is adaptation. Another word for it is attachment."
"If this imbalance lasts only a short time, the old equilibrium can be quickly restored when the situation passes. But if the change is prolonged, the rest of the system must adapt to it."
"With this new equilibrium comes a new sense of normality."
The author of the book Gerald May uses the example of moving between time zones to describe adaptation or attachment. If you are only in the time zone for a bit your body won't adapt but long enough and your sleep habits will change and balance will be restored.
So a nerve cell will release neurotransmitters (words) from the vesicle (mouth) into the synaptic cleft (phone) where the other cell's neuroreceptor (ear) joins with the neurotransmitter (words). And the message is received.
When a stimuli is introduced and it lasts longer than feedback or habituation can handle an adaptation occurs so that balance may be restored.
When I meet an attractive woman and we talk for a little while and then part ways balance is easily restored and no adaptation is needed.
But if this woman stays in my life for long enough adaptation will occur or another word for it is attachment.
So I drink coffee every morning and because of it the normal message from the vesicle to the neuroreceptor is adapted. The first cell doesn't need to send as much neurotransmitters as before because the caffeine is now expected. If I suddenly stop the expected routine of morning caffeine Then when the first cell sends out its adapted amount of neurotransmitters without the added help of the caffeine the second cell isn't receiving the amount it needs to keep the balance. Thus I feel the affects in this case it would be, tired.
Which brings us back to romantic desire.
To love.
To ἔρως.
Is ἔρως simply an addiction to an attachment in order to maintain a new equilibrium?
Is it nothing more than a stimuli that changes the neurotransmitters sent and received in our cells?
I'm trying to understand what's happened in my life.
There are two types of addictions
attraction
aversion
attraction is an addiction you want more of
aversion is an addiction you want less of
Examples:
attraction - sex
aversion - spiders
Bea loves me.
being around me for her becomes a strong desire.
It is an attraction addiction
her body attaches to the new stimuli (me) and the neurotransmitters are adjusted to account for the new equilibrium.
One day she starts to get too close to my mask so she for me becomes an aversion addiction. I don't like insecurity, vulnerability, and intimacy.
my neurotransmitters adjust and a new equilibrium is adapted.
She doesn't like the new adaptation. I become an aversion addiction for her. She doesn't like my anger, stubbornness, and distance.
her neurotransmitters adjust and a new equilibrium is adapted, (i.e. she no longer wants anything to do with me).
Is love simply an attraction addiction?
Once the balance is interrupted our cells simply change the chemical formula to account for the new attachment?
Is the pain I am feeling simply the effects of no more morning coffee? Will my neurotransmitters even out eventually and equilibrium will be restored?
Does time heal all?
What is love?
simply a desire we grow attached to?
the person's company is merely a stimuli our senses enjoy?
If not then what changed in her that made her go from saying she will stick with me no matter what to I don't want to have any sort of relationship with you?
My love for her, my desire for her, is to be there for her, the listen to her, to help her, to share with her. But if she doesn't want that then is my desire to accompany her through life really love anymore? Or is it now purely selfish. Once she told me she wants nothing to do with me wouldn't love transform from desiring her company to desiring distance in an attempt to accommodate her desire?
But that isn't the case. My heart still hurts. I still miss her very much so. I haven't heard her beautiful laugh in WEEKS. I haven't felt her hair against my cheek as we cuddle smelling her shampoo. I haven't heard her talk about what's on her heart. And it all kills me very much so.
Why doesn't my love transform as her feelings have? Why aren't my nerve cells balancing out?
What do I do next?
Do I wait?
Do I carry on?
Do I pursue?
Love can't just be a chemical addiction. She must still feel for me the way I feel for her. How can it be so lopsided? How can she be so finished? How can she stand not being held by me?
What does move on even mean? As if all along what we were doing as simply a stage, a chapter in our lives. Move on? To what? Same feelings different person? I don't want to move on if it means being away from her. If moving on means continuing to work together on learning about each other and love then yes it is what I want. If it means moving forward together. Never going back to the way I use to be. To the way I disrespected her. Yes I want to move on. But separation? Distance? This is not moving on, this is moving backwards.
Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe she never felt for me the way I thought she did. Maybe she never knew how much I actually feel for her.
Maybe love is when equilibrium cannot ever be reached again without that person in your life. Once the adaptation or attachment is made there cannot be a going back. There cannot be a "move on"
She use to ask me if I still believe that anyone can marry anyone.
I guess time will tell for both of us.
If I Give It All - Will Reagan & United Pursuit
Ancient Greeks identified four forms of love: kinship or familiarity (in Greek, storge), friendship (philia), sexual and/or romantic desire (eros), and self-emptying or divine love (agape).
romantic desire?
Addiction is any compulsive, habitual behavior that limits the freedom of human desire. It is caused by the attachment, or nailing, of desire to specific objects.
-Addiction & Grace, Gerald May
Addiction is out of control desire?
I've been reading this book about addiction and it talks about the neurological nature of addiction.
Our bodies crave and go to great lengths to reach an equilibrium. A balance.
"In order to work together, nerve cells need to communicate. They send messages through connections called 'synapses'... At each synapse, communication takes place when the axon of one cell releases a chemical called a 'neurotransmitter'. This chemical passes across the tiny synaptic cleft between the cells and is received by a chemical structure called a 'neuroreceptor' on the next cell."
When something causes a disturbance in the balance of our brains our cells modify their functions. This is called feedback.
"Feedback can occur in one of three ways: cells that are overactive may be inhibited; cells that are underactive my be stimulated; and cells that are doing well may be facilitated."
"Habituation is the neurological cause of tolerance, but technically it refers only to the process by which nerve cells become less sensitive and responsive to repeating stimuli."
habituation occurs when you first walk into a room and smell the wonderful scent of the candle but after a while your nerve cells become less sensitive to the stimuli and you no longer notice it. Thus an increased amount of the scent would have to be introduced in order to break the newly balanced tolerance for the stimuli.
"When neither feedback nor habituation is effective, the repeated messages move in and disturb the natural balance of the systems. Then a new balance must be created. A new normality must be established. This is adaptation. Another word for it is attachment."
"If this imbalance lasts only a short time, the old equilibrium can be quickly restored when the situation passes. But if the change is prolonged, the rest of the system must adapt to it."
"With this new equilibrium comes a new sense of normality."
The author of the book Gerald May uses the example of moving between time zones to describe adaptation or attachment. If you are only in the time zone for a bit your body won't adapt but long enough and your sleep habits will change and balance will be restored.
So a nerve cell will release neurotransmitters (words) from the vesicle (mouth) into the synaptic cleft (phone) where the other cell's neuroreceptor (ear) joins with the neurotransmitter (words). And the message is received.
When a stimuli is introduced and it lasts longer than feedback or habituation can handle an adaptation occurs so that balance may be restored.
When I meet an attractive woman and we talk for a little while and then part ways balance is easily restored and no adaptation is needed.
But if this woman stays in my life for long enough adaptation will occur or another word for it is attachment.
So I drink coffee every morning and because of it the normal message from the vesicle to the neuroreceptor is adapted. The first cell doesn't need to send as much neurotransmitters as before because the caffeine is now expected. If I suddenly stop the expected routine of morning caffeine Then when the first cell sends out its adapted amount of neurotransmitters without the added help of the caffeine the second cell isn't receiving the amount it needs to keep the balance. Thus I feel the affects in this case it would be, tired.
Which brings us back to romantic desire.
To love.
To ἔρως.
Is ἔρως simply an addiction to an attachment in order to maintain a new equilibrium?
Is it nothing more than a stimuli that changes the neurotransmitters sent and received in our cells?
I'm trying to understand what's happened in my life.
There are two types of addictions
attraction
aversion
attraction is an addiction you want more of
aversion is an addiction you want less of
Examples:
attraction - sex
aversion - spiders
Bea loves me.
being around me for her becomes a strong desire.
It is an attraction addiction
her body attaches to the new stimuli (me) and the neurotransmitters are adjusted to account for the new equilibrium.
One day she starts to get too close to my mask so she for me becomes an aversion addiction. I don't like insecurity, vulnerability, and intimacy.
my neurotransmitters adjust and a new equilibrium is adapted.
She doesn't like the new adaptation. I become an aversion addiction for her. She doesn't like my anger, stubbornness, and distance.
her neurotransmitters adjust and a new equilibrium is adapted, (i.e. she no longer wants anything to do with me).
Is love simply an attraction addiction?
Once the balance is interrupted our cells simply change the chemical formula to account for the new attachment?
Is the pain I am feeling simply the effects of no more morning coffee? Will my neurotransmitters even out eventually and equilibrium will be restored?
Does time heal all?
What is love?
simply a desire we grow attached to?
the person's company is merely a stimuli our senses enjoy?
If not then what changed in her that made her go from saying she will stick with me no matter what to I don't want to have any sort of relationship with you?
My love for her, my desire for her, is to be there for her, the listen to her, to help her, to share with her. But if she doesn't want that then is my desire to accompany her through life really love anymore? Or is it now purely selfish. Once she told me she wants nothing to do with me wouldn't love transform from desiring her company to desiring distance in an attempt to accommodate her desire?
But that isn't the case. My heart still hurts. I still miss her very much so. I haven't heard her beautiful laugh in WEEKS. I haven't felt her hair against my cheek as we cuddle smelling her shampoo. I haven't heard her talk about what's on her heart. And it all kills me very much so.
Why doesn't my love transform as her feelings have? Why aren't my nerve cells balancing out?
What do I do next?
Do I wait?
Do I carry on?
Do I pursue?
Love can't just be a chemical addiction. She must still feel for me the way I feel for her. How can it be so lopsided? How can she be so finished? How can she stand not being held by me?
What does move on even mean? As if all along what we were doing as simply a stage, a chapter in our lives. Move on? To what? Same feelings different person? I don't want to move on if it means being away from her. If moving on means continuing to work together on learning about each other and love then yes it is what I want. If it means moving forward together. Never going back to the way I use to be. To the way I disrespected her. Yes I want to move on. But separation? Distance? This is not moving on, this is moving backwards.
Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe she never felt for me the way I thought she did. Maybe she never knew how much I actually feel for her.
Maybe love is when equilibrium cannot ever be reached again without that person in your life. Once the adaptation or attachment is made there cannot be a going back. There cannot be a "move on"
She use to ask me if I still believe that anyone can marry anyone.
I guess time will tell for both of us.
If I Give It All - Will Reagan & United Pursuit