In general, we respond to our state of shame by trying to hide our fallibility, our weakness, our problems and failures. We focus on other people and their behavior, seeking to transfer the shame to them. Fearing that closeness and intimacy will leave us defenseless and vulnerable to exposure, we keep others at arm's length. By working too much, staying busy, using rage, control, or power plays and other defenses, we keep other people away. We develop perfectionistic habits of thinking and acting, seeking to prove that we are not shameful after all.
-Dr. Margaret Rinck
Failure is weakness
Weakness is shameful
Men are never to be weak.
For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.
-Ephesians 5
This scripture has had all sorts of controversy over it because of the patriarchal inferences. But I see another controversy.
To be masculine to be a man, to be a patriarch is to be strong.
physically
emotionally
mentally
spiritually
pressure.
Culture places this pressure. Be the bread winner. A man provides. A man leads.
What is a man to do when faced with failure?
If the identity of being man is in strength, power, success, what is to become of those who fail?
shame.
Shame consumes the heart of the man who fails.
What is the man to do with all of this shame?
To express it is to own the failure and thus create more shame.
To hide it is to allow it to vent out in other areas.
Man can't let the world see his failure, can't let the world see his shame.
Man then fears closeness and intimacy. Man must hide behind a fig leaf of strength. If he shows his hand, if he shows his true self it will leave him defenseless and vulnerable to exposure. The world will know he is a fraud. The world will know he fails. The world will know he is weak. Man must keep others at arm's length.
Man can keep this distance, this paper wall by working too much, staying busy, using rage, control, or power plays and other defenses. This will ensure that no one sees the man for what he truly is, human.
Man develops perfectionistic habits of thinking and acting, seeking to prove that he is not what he really is after all.
shameful.
What would she think if she saw the real me?
The real man?
The real Adam?
She would see weakness and failure. No woman wants that man. A woman needs a leader. A woman needs a head of the house to submit to in everything.
Pressure.
distance between perception and reality.
between strength and weakness.
But what is the truer strength?
hiding behind walls of rage and habits of perfection?
or standing in truth, in failure, in weakness, in reality?
What is power?
Pride or humility?
What does the head of the church, Jesus Christ, look like?
pride or humble?
master or servant?
What is the head of the household supposed to look like?
Is man to be pride, rage, deeds, defensive?
Or is man to be humble, merciful, graceful, vulnerable?
Which is the true expression of power?
To stand naked
Or behind fig leaves?
Shame is a prison. Shame is slavery.
I am a man. I fail. I get angry. I get greedy. I get jealous. I get lustful. I get hurt. I get scared. I get lazy. I get stubborn. I get selfish. I get doubtful. I cry. I get frustrated. I am weak. But I am real.
I am human.
I am man.
I am Adam.
I choose freedom, not slavery, not shame.
I choose love.
I choose Jesus.
I trust you Jesus
soften her heart
heal Bea
heal me.
Rather Lovely Thing - Nick Cave & Warren Ellis
-Dr. Margaret Rinck
Failure is weakness
Weakness is shameful
Men are never to be weak.
For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.
-Ephesians 5
This scripture has had all sorts of controversy over it because of the patriarchal inferences. But I see another controversy.
To be masculine to be a man, to be a patriarch is to be strong.
physically
emotionally
mentally
spiritually
pressure.
Culture places this pressure. Be the bread winner. A man provides. A man leads.
What is a man to do when faced with failure?
If the identity of being man is in strength, power, success, what is to become of those who fail?
shame.
Shame consumes the heart of the man who fails.
What is the man to do with all of this shame?
To express it is to own the failure and thus create more shame.
To hide it is to allow it to vent out in other areas.
Man can't let the world see his failure, can't let the world see his shame.
Man then fears closeness and intimacy. Man must hide behind a fig leaf of strength. If he shows his hand, if he shows his true self it will leave him defenseless and vulnerable to exposure. The world will know he is a fraud. The world will know he fails. The world will know he is weak. Man must keep others at arm's length.
Man can keep this distance, this paper wall by working too much, staying busy, using rage, control, or power plays and other defenses. This will ensure that no one sees the man for what he truly is, human.
Man develops perfectionistic habits of thinking and acting, seeking to prove that he is not what he really is after all.
shameful.
What would she think if she saw the real me?
The real man?
The real Adam?
She would see weakness and failure. No woman wants that man. A woman needs a leader. A woman needs a head of the house to submit to in everything.
Pressure.
distance between perception and reality.
between strength and weakness.
But what is the truer strength?
hiding behind walls of rage and habits of perfection?
or standing in truth, in failure, in weakness, in reality?
What is power?
Pride or humility?
What does the head of the church, Jesus Christ, look like?
pride or humble?
master or servant?
What is the head of the household supposed to look like?
Is man to be pride, rage, deeds, defensive?
Or is man to be humble, merciful, graceful, vulnerable?
Which is the true expression of power?
To stand naked
Or behind fig leaves?
Shame is a prison. Shame is slavery.
I am a man. I fail. I get angry. I get greedy. I get jealous. I get lustful. I get hurt. I get scared. I get lazy. I get stubborn. I get selfish. I get doubtful. I cry. I get frustrated. I am weak. But I am real.
I am human.
I am man.
I am Adam.
I choose freedom, not slavery, not shame.
I choose love.
I choose Jesus.
I trust you Jesus
soften her heart
heal Bea
heal me.
Rather Lovely Thing - Nick Cave & Warren Ellis