Dear 32 year old Adam,
I've just turned 31. Thirty was a pretty packed year. I started it in Cincinnati with Alan and Tem after driving back from Asheville. Then I visited Brian in Seattle with the boys in March. I went from New Mexico up to Montana in June. The beach trip with Brian and Travis in July, and I went to Iceland with Tem later in the month. Early August I met Tem's sisters in San Diego and my second year of teaching started. I moved out from the Deutschland domicile and in with Tem. First time I hadn't living with Travis since 2012 I think. In a couple weeks Tem and I will be heading to Peru.
Things I'm doing now:
Most recently Tem got me an Xbox One so I've been playing Fortnite with Alan and Brian...a lot. Reading 30 year old Adam's letter, he'd be happy to know I have yet to fuck things up with Tem. We are still together, although the past couple months have been bumpier than the initial 12. I've been hitting that Ashland debt just as aggressively as 30 year old Adam and I know (I think) that you are completely debt free as you read this letter now 32 year old Adam (unless you're making car payments, which I'm ok with) This year I am not staying nearly as late at the school as I did last year. I'm worried that my kids won't do as well on the test because I'm leaving earlier. So we will see if 30 year old Adam did enough of the ground work for me and you to have our evenings away from the school. Currently I'm about to move into my own apartment in the Short North. It's about the size of a shoe box but it only costs $690 a month. I know 28 year old Adam would kill me knowing he use to pay less than half of that for rent. My days are spent teaching, and attempting to recharge my bank account from all the summer traveling, debt payments, and preparing for the Peru trip. This year I learned how to play chess. Although I'm not great at it, I know how. I still have the iPhone SE (rose gold) and the 02 Civic. When should we just give up on the dream of playing guitar? We've been hoping you're doing it for at least four years. I am going to the gym three times a week like I planned. Tuesday, Thursday, Friday. I know you've continued that as well. This is our only body we get. Need to take care of it. I know 30 year old Adam warned me to balance work friends and Tem but I haven't done the best with the friends category. I do need to get better at that. I did not garden this year, in fact I think I might be done with that plot, but I'm not against another garden spot. I tried the classroom plants and they all died because of a lack of sunlight. We did do Iceland and in a couple weeks we can cross Machu Picchu off the list also. I'm not sure how many of the 100 books I read this year but I'm confident it was more than 5, thanks to the audio books on my road trip. I haven't figured out the science and social studies aspect just yet. And I did cut the manbun but it turns out 30 year old Adam was wrong and I hope as you are reading this now it is safely back on top of your head. I am not watching the 1pm games because the NFL is a trash organization. I wish they'd improve because I do miss football and the social aspects that come with it.
Things I hope you're doing:
I hope as you are reading this you have been debt free for about 5 months. I hope you're in the process of moving back in with Tem in her incredible condo downtown. I hope you got your shit together with all this intimacy and family stuff. We aren't getting any younger here Adam and what the fuck more do you want than Tem? She's perfect just as 30 year old Adam said. I hope you visit Brian during Spring break. I hope you camped all over the Pacific Northwest in June and...I don't know climbed Kilimanjaro in July. I'm not really sure where I want you to go in July. I hope you and Tem figure that out and love seeing a new part of this incredible planet. I hope the beach trip tradition survived another year. I hope you're about to pass year three of the RE program and actually get that teaching license. I hope you have a different car. I won't say new because we both know there's no reason or way you'd ever buy new. I actually do kinda hope you're playing the guitar. I know I shouldn't say it, but I do kinda want you to. I also hope you did a better job writing on here than I did this year. I hope you're cooking meals more now that the student loans are gone. You cheap ass, spend some money on nutrition. What good is all the working out if you're fueling our body with ice cream and pizza? I hope you're taking care of your skin. I hope you have a new iPhone. Have you given any thought about finishing the Master's degree? I know we just got out of debt, but the sooner we get it over with the sooner we can make more per paycheck. No pressure, just something to at least consider telling 33 year old Adam to look into. Most importantly, I hope you aren't telling yourself you're old. What I mean is, I hope you haven't stopped doing things you like because you think you're past it. Once we start down that mentality life is going to get a lot more boring. Adam, listen to me. You're not old yet. I know I'm a year younger than you, but trust me. We have plenty of life left to live. Remember that guy who tried to change is age legally. He was trying to take of 20 years...think about that Adam...20 years...The dude was acting like two decades was nothing to him. And he was trying to say he was only 50...50, like that's a young age where he can live is life the way he wants...so if 50 is young what the fuck is 32? ...exactly. And calm down about where you are in life. Yeah we aren't living in some fancy apartment downtown but we also aren't living on the street. You're doing great. One day at a time and if you're that worried about it just order the cheapest meal on the menu when you go out and nurse that PBR. You'll be fine. I love you Adam, now please enjoy your 32nd year.
Things I've learned since turning 30:
I learned that you don't know how easy a relationship can be until you find someone it's really easy to be in a relationship with. Tem and I started "officially" dating on March 3rd. I use quotation marks because we have been dating since September, if not August but it wasn't voiced until that day in March. Things with Tem have been near perfect. We struggle with communication. She struggles to speak up with suggestions and her needs and I struggle to map out structured time frames and itineraries. I also struggle in expressing how much she means to me in a way that is impactful to her. This winter has been selling season for her which means she's flown and traveled all over the country in a way we have been long distance or at least weekday long distance. She has expressed many times how much a phone call or a text could help her to know how much I value her and although I have plenty of excuses the reality of the situation is that I suck and I need to get better at setting aside time to call to let her know how much she means to me. I just got back from Seattle with the guys. I called her once on that trip it wasn't a long talk and I feel like I could have done better but it's a struggle for me and it's a work in progress. Finished my third quarter of my first year of teaching. The long nights seem to be getting shorter and shorter at work. It was almost as if my time spent at work was in step with the shortening and growing of daylight in the season. This first quarter of 2018 has been very good but I'm ready for the weather to warm up and most importantly I'm ready for the sun to come back. I need that star's light and heat to illuminate and warm my city and my soul. (
April 4th [because I forgot to write on the first day of spring]) School ended and with it my first year of teaching. My students did amazing on the test and I was so proud of them. I packed up my class and was finally free for my first summer of paid vacation. I headed out west for my road trip up US 89 I'd been planning for years. It was amazing came home, hit the beach with Brian and Travis and then off to Iceland with Tem. Next I'll be moving in with her. I learned I really like Tem a lot. I know I love her but...I really like her. I'm not sure if that makes sense. I learned I'm still a bit nervous about death but I'm handling 30 fairly well. I've learned this planet is so beautiful and we aren't given a whole lot of time to explore it. Or maybe we are given plenty but we spend it working and living in routines. Iceland is insane, so is all of the beauty along highway 89! I don't really have too much more to say in this season except that I'm learning keeping a journal can be hard when things are going well. It's difficult to stop and reflect. I need to be more intentional with this thing. Life is going to fly by...in fact it already has been. All the more reason to try to nail it down with words and letters. It's wild to look at these pictures of myself 88 to 98 to 08 to 18, 3 decades the pictures show how long that took but my memory seems to smash them together in a finger snap. (
July 19th [because I was in Utah on first day of summer and forgot when I got home]) I spent August setting up my classroom and trying to practice waking up early. School started again. My second year of teaching. I've been living with Tem for about two months now. She said several times that I would miss and need my personal time and space...I think she might have been right. But if I miss and want my personal space...when will I ever be ready? Will I ever be? I know my mom and dad sleep in different rooms. I know my brother and his wife sleep in different rooms...I REALLY don't want that. It's not the kind of relationship I want but here I am. Tem and I went to couples counseling last week for our first session and we are about to go again this Tuesday. I've been struggling with some things. This is the longest continuous relationship I've been in without a break. We have been near each other almost EVERY day for over a year. There are two sides to that coin. 1. She is absolutely special because she makes being near her so easy and this relationship is the best I've ever had by a long shot. I love her she will be an amazing mother an incredible life partner, and a very very solid friend. 2. A part of me is nervous, the part that always runs away, the part that destroys stuff out of anxiety, feeling trapped, feeling permanence. I think I'm afraid of myself. I'm afraid I'm going to make a rash decision that will cause unreversible ripples I will have to live with for the rest of my life. This feeling of wanting space, is it a temporary season that everyone goes through or is it something more? I know they say you don't always feel like loving your partner some days are harder than others, is that what this is or something else? I've never been this far before in a relationship. Am I built for long term monogamy? Is anyone or is it a choice everyone must decide if they want to make. I don't know what I'm doing with my life. Where the fuck is the instruction manual?
(September 30th eighth day of Autumn) I've learned a lot this trip around the sun. And like every new lap, I learned how much more I have to learn. I'm learning now that no one can tell you what you're supposed to do, there is no manual. As I said above, you're doing great. I know we are worried about become an emotionally closed off person, attempting to avoid becoming like my family. You seriously need to actively work for this goal. Adam you need to text your friends, set up and plan trips, and weekends. You need to text Tem back and call her to let her know. This stuff takes work, work we had no idea about, but I know you, I know you want your life to be filled with deep meaningful and long term relationships with the people who mean the most. We've been to some of the most beautiful places on this planet so you and I both know the best part about Earth is the people who walk it. (not literally, I just mean all the people even those who don't walk) I love you Adam. I hope this letter finds you well.
1987 Born
1988 00
1989 01
1990 02
1991 03
1992 04
1993 05 Started Grade School
1994 06
1995 07
1996 08
1997 09
1998 10
1999 11
2000 12
2001 13
2002 14
2003 15
2004 16
2005 17
2006 18 Graduated High School
2007 19
2008 20
2009 21
2010 22 Graduated College
2011 23
2012 24
2013 25
2014 26
2015 27
2016 28
2017 29 Ohio Early Childhood Teaching License
2018 30
