12/31/08

Wednesday December 31, 2008 - New Year's Eve

Again today I woke to Dustin calling my phone at 8:00am I was late to entering in the inventory in the computer. So I got there entered in until 10:00. Then played war the card game with Dustin until 11:00. Went home showered, read some of Jesus Did it Anyway. Called Whitney and headed to her house to talk about Blue Like Jazz. Stopped at McDonalds for lunch on the way then we talked from 12 until 3:30. Her family was coming over for the yearly pepper tournament. I feel alseep to the Boston College bowl game until around 7ish. Brian, Pence and I headed to pizza hut. Hung out there until 8:40 then went to Travis' for New Years. Dain and Alexis were there along with Landon. Kelsey G. showed up after the ball dropped but we played rock band for a while and then pool. But the high light of my day was talking with Whitney. We talked about God the whole time. I didn't even touch her even though she did look amazing. The way the sun from behind me lit up her blue eyes like a clear summer sky. She is so strong in her faith and talking to her about God is awesome. I didn't get to talk to her tonight. She called me at midnight for 2009 then again 1:15 but I wasn't home. Now it's past 2 and I tried to call her when I got home around 1:45 but just settled for leaving a voice mail. I wish she would pick up her phone.

12/30/08

Tuesday December 30, 2008 - Frickers

Today I woke up to my phone ringing at 8 o'clock. Dustin was calling me because I was late to work. When I got there we just kinda spot checked a few items. Everything this inventory should go pretty smooth. Tomorrow I have to be up and enter everything in the computers. I got off work called Travis. So Travis, T-Bob, Neuy, Montana, Tyler, Brittany, and Kelsey G. and I all went to Frickers. Then I drove home and called Whitney. She was at one of Wellington's basketball games though I finally got her at 11 and I'm going to call her back at 11:30. She still is having a hard time with this from her parents and everything. I am having struggles of my own for some reason. I'm almost positive this is Satan throwing everything he can at Whitney and I because with God at the center this time I feel that Whitney and I will grow and become a great tool for God to use for his will. Satan is panicking we need to stick together and keep praying to God. I know we will make it through this just fine and we will be even stronger because of it. But now I am going to call Whitney because it's 11:29 and I have a lot to talk about.

12/29/08

Monday December 29, 2008 - Love is a beautiful thing

Today I went to work. Dustin shaved his head again. Luke and I went to Liberty Center, delivered windows in this muddy place but it was frozen so we were good. Then Dustin and I drove to Tedrow, did insulation and blower then swung by my house grabbed Doug's glasses. Ate at the Grasshopper then wal-mart for shopping. After that we went back to work. Then Dustin and I delivered dry wall in Old Orchard subdivision. The day went extremely fast and I'm very grateful for that. Even though I'd be back in 14 hours. So I drove home still in the rental chevy. Called Whitney but she said she might go to Fort Wayne with Kelly to visit Trisha. So Travis and I drove to Defiance to eat hot rice with Dain and Alex showed up also. After that Travis and Dain played the Star Wars arcade game in Pocket Change the Defiance Mall's arcade. Then we went to Alex's house and watched Children of men and around 8:40 Whitney called me and told me that she was staying home and watching movies with her family. So after we got done with our movie Travis drove me home and here I am it's 11:17 and I'm about to call Whitney. I should never forget to keep thanking God for the millions of blessings he gives me each day. Praise God and I hope he helps me grow and learn more about how to be like his son Jesus. I wish I could be more like that each day.

12/28/08

Sunday December 28, 2008 - Whitney Decided

This morning I woke up and rushed to Cross Roads at 10:00am even though Sunday school doesn't start till 10:15. I couldn't wait to see Whitney and when I got there I found out that there was no Sunday school or 3rd service so I drank my cup of coffee talked with Scott Smith then headed home. Fought some tears back wrote on A&W group then began to read Blue Like Jazz. After 2 hours I realized I hadn't eaten anything yet so I decided to fast for Christ and focus today on him. I napped for a bit woke up and finished Blue Like Jazz. After that I started my next book. Then around 4 I went up stairs watched some of the 2008 world's strongest man competition took another nap. Then at 6 I drove around a bit took the long way to Travis'. I got there at 6:30 I was still kinda out of it. I mean what if Whitney doesn't show and won't answer my calls? Then at 7 I got a call from her and she told me that he had made the decision. After going to IHOP with the Real group Whitney and I went to my house and read some My Utmost. Just laid there on the couch in the basement starring at each other, kissing, laughing, and talking. She left around midnight and before she left I prayed with her. After she left I couldn't and still can't thank God enough for this blessing. I don't deserve this gift. Whitney is awesome but God has given me a 4th chance and with God's help I will never need a 5th chance.

12/27/08

Saturday December 27, 2008 - I still miss you

I called Whitney around 4 in the morning to see if she made it home okay. She told me not to talk to her anymore. I don't know what her parents said to her but I'm scared that she isn't going to stand up for what she wants and what is also hopefully God's plan. So I went to work checking my phone every few minutes my stomach was killing me and I had no appetite. I got off work and couldn't hold back my tears anymore. Why hadn't she called me yet? Does she still love me and will she fight for her love for me? She asked me not to call her any more so I was just going to read next to the phone but thanks to God Jake called and I fell asleep waiting for him. Around 6 we hunt out I was out of it. We even ran into Kelsey L. at wal-mart of course Whitney's best friend and Jake's ex. I couldn't stop thinking about it. Finally Jake told me that when Whitney talked to Taylor she talked about me for like 2 hours and Jimmy for 2 minutes. I hate this waiting waiting it is doing a number on me. I'm only home for another week so I got home at 9. Jake left for IHOP with Taylor. So now it's just me and God sitting by the phone reading Blue Like Jazz. Around 1:30 I called Whitney, she didn't answer or call back. I left a voice mail saying good night and I love her. Because I couldn't brake the streak.

12/26/08

Friday December 26, 2008 - Benjamin Button

This morning I woke up, showered, then called Jake, drove over there on really icy roads. Jake and I headed to the mall in Toledo for some new MJ's for me. I got a pair then a sweatshirt also. When we got back to his house it was 4:45 so I went to Defiance to catch a movie with Whitney at 6:30. We watched Benjamin Button it was 2:48 minutes long. Got out had to have some people help us push my rental car out of an ice rut. Then as we drove home a huge fog cloud hit and it was the worst I have ever seen. We got to my house an hour later and Whitney was crying because her parents wanted her to drive back and I wasn't going to let her. So they called her and said they were going to pick her up. I sat with her as she cried. She was so scared. So I prayed with her. She is so scared of her parents. I hate the control they have over her. I just held her and looked into her waterfall eyes. I just wanted to take her away from this pain and fear she has. I pray that God helps hurry this along so she doesn't have to deal with this for much longer. Please God give her courage to do what you want and I pray that if it's in your plans that you allow Whitney and I to be together again. I love her so much.

12/25/08

Thursday December 25, 2008 - Christmas Day

Today I woke up late opened my gifts and watched my family open gifts. I felt a lot better God certainly eased my pain from yesterday. After presents we watched Jingl All the Way and National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. Then I showered and Jake called to hang out. We did and I went to his house grabbed five books to keep my mind busy. I hung out for a while and Whit called me around 5 asked if I could talk to her tomorrow. I said yes around 5ish. So I watched Jake play Mario Super NES for a while. Then he took me home so he could drive to see Taylor. I read 50 pages of Blue Like Jazz then Jake called to hang out at Bryan's house like he always does on Christmas. So I get there and see Chase, Bryan, Neil, and Jeff. I hadn't seen Jeff in a long time he is in the military now and Niel and Bryan are home from Pittsburgh. I pray to God that Jeff stays safe and grows in his relationship with Christ. Also that Neil and Bryan can some how figure out that you are waiting for them. Around 11 Whitney called me and told me to call her when I got in bed. I'm just about to call her and it's after midnight. Thank you Lord for all the blessings you've given me and I pray that I do your will and that you keep working in me keep me focused on you. And help me to grow with Whitney. Please keep her in my life.

12/24/08

Wednesday December 24, 2008 - Christmas Eve

Last night after I wrote in this and I was laying in bed I had to call Whitney one more time. I couldn't fall asleep with out talking to her. I woke up at 11 showered in mom's bathroom because of the frozen pipes. Called Whitney at noon about lunch she turned me down and said I need to back off let God take control. This is the scariest thing I've had to do. I am trying to put this in his hands completely so I went up stairs and tried to spend time with my family. Today my great grandma died on my mom's mom's side. Travis and I went to wal-mart I didn't feel like doing much so of course I run into Audrey F. there. Made me miss Whitney even more. I hate sitting back and waiting doing nothing. I feel so powerless. I'm sure this is part of the healing process it just sucks. After that my family ate dinner. I have no appetite and I have that gut feeling. After dinner my brother talked to me about Elliot and Hollis, Brock. The whole thing happened a year ago tonight. He relaxed me some but the Christmas Eve service made me miss her even more. I hate this constant stomach pain. I know I shouldn't call Whitney but I feel like I have to. I love talking to her. She calms me in a way like nothing else. I know I am for her I just need to let God decide when. Lord please help me get through this however long it takes.

12/23/08

Tuesday December 23, 2008 - Waiting on a woman

I woke up and Katie made us eggs, toast, and bacon. Around 12 Brian and I headed home. The roads were pretty bad. We got to my house around 3 and I jumped in the shower but the pipes were frozen so I had to scoop out the water when I was done. Then I worked on the tangible memory a little more. Jake called me said he needed to go shopping for his girlfriend, that's right, Taylor Miller and he are official now. So we went to Toledo to the mall got dinner then we drove home. The entire time I talked to him about Whitney I can't stop thinking about her. She is my best friend Jake told me I need to let her come back to me so I got home around 12 called her and we talked about it. Her family seems to think I am an awful person. I need to show them how much Whit means to me. She sat in her car in Taylor's drive way talking with me for an hour. I just find it so hard to hang up the phone when I am talking with her. But now it's up to God I pray that God allows me to be with Whitney because it's up to him and his plan. This isn't going to be easy but I need to give this situation to God and let him work through this. I know he will allow me to be with her it's just a matter of when.

12/22/08

Monday December 22, 2008 - Am I good enough?

Today I woke up freezing. Seth Brian and I went in to the sauna in Katie's basement. Then Ellen made us all pancakes after that we sat around watched TV put in Home Alone 2. Then Madden left after that we went to the mall and I did my Christmas shopping. Then we came back home after eating at Max & Erma's we invented a game called power punch pong. Brian and Pence vs Seth and I. It was fun after that we played scene it and Ellen and Seth won. We sat down to watch Hancock and Whitney called me back after I left a voice mail. She is still with Jimmy and she told me that I'm selfish. I feel selfish. It's 3 in the morning my phone just died. I have to love myself and I have to be able to stand on my own two feet with self worth. I just can't seem to find any good qualities about myself. Everything I have I know someone that can do it better or has a better trait all together. What's wrong with me and how do I fix myself? I have to figure this out if I am going to be able to support and help Whitney through her problems. Help me Lord find the gifts that you have given me. Help me get through this life so that I may spend the after life with you. Help me love myself like only you can do and please let your will be done in me always.

12/21/08

Sunday December 21, 2008 - Staff Christmas

I am currently sitting in one of Katie's 9 bathrooms. Last night after Whitney and I hung out I pretty much went to bed. This morning I woke up and went to church saw my Aunt Sis which was nice. At church they had children's Christmas program so Sunday school wasn't scheduled. I met Brett's girlfriend and we just had a small Sunday school. Whit was there but she had to leave for her Wyse Christmas. So Brian and I went to the service. Matt talked about John's version of the Christmas story and about Believe so much to have faith to stick your finger in a running saw. After that Brian and I headed for Katie's house 3 hours away. We stopped at a rest stop and had some Hartee's then got to Katie's around 5. Pence got there shortly afterwards and Madden around 7. After we ate pizza we took a lot of pictures around the house. Then Ellen and Seth got here. We just talked until Whitney called me around 11:35 we talked for an hour it just seems like the odds are against us. But tonight was the first night that she still believed in us even after talking to her parents she does love me and she completes me. I love her. I hung up and talked more about staff and the bar at camp. I pray that God can heal this sinful trend at camp. I pray that God will use me for his will this summer and that Whitney has the courage to tell Jimmy soon.

12/20/08

Saturday December 20, 2008 - Love is a beautiful thing

Last night after that page I called her no answer. So I laided down with the phone so I would wake up if she called but I woke up at 3 with no missed calls. So I called her. Turns out she tried calling me a lot but did not show on my phone. We were both sleepy so we didn't talk long. This morning was really hard for me to wake up but I got to work on time. It was a relaxing day we cleaned the break room and that secondhand serenade song came on it reminded me of Whitney. Then at the Grasshopper I met Ashley, Luke's girlfriend. Chad won a stuffed animal form the claw machine and Whitney called me. She was nervous about calling Jimmy so I worried and prayed about it for the rest of the work day. Got off early called her no answer. So I worked more on the tangible memory. Then around 6:30 I got a hold of her she was at the Greiser Christmas about to head to another of Wellington's games. She was too scared to call Jimmy and freaked me out. So in tears I drove to the game and again sat next to Orville. Wellington scored 13 points got player of the game. I asked Rob if I could take Whitney to dinner then we drove to the lights in Archbold park. We both cried and talked then went to McDonalds then back to the high school parking lot. We both realized that we were suppose to be together and we both prayed to God together our relationship is going to be so strong through Christ. She is such an amazing woman. I love her.

12/19/08

Friday December 19, 2008 - Dentist Checkup

This morning Whitney and I awoke to my mother telling us that I have to be at the dentist in 45 minutes and that Whitney's car is frozen completely. So while Whitney got ready I cleaned off her car and brushed my teeth. I kissed her goodbye told each other we love one another then she headed back to school and I went to Lockman's. Everything was fine for my teeth. I got home and the counter top people installed new ones then I showered and left to mail Al Channell his Christmas present and headed to Sealscott's place. We met at Applebees because I hadn't eaten all day. Got fish and chips headed to her house talked played with her dog then I drove home. Called Whitney she had talked to her mom a bit about the situation and she just needs to know that this is the right choice and to not hurt Jimmy. I got home called Jake and Brian they met up at my house. Jake drove us in the anything grows plow truck to subway. He ate and we talked then went to his house. Brian and I played monsters while Jake showered then at 9:50 Whitney called again she has been nervous this entire day. She asked for prayer so I told Jake to take me home and right now she is making rounds for her RA floor and I'm going to call her as soon as I'm done with this page. God please be with her give her courage and strength to do what is right and I pray that with you Lord Whitney and I stay together until death.

12/18/08

Thursday December 18, 2008 - Seems like old times

The previous night Whitney and I talked for a while. I was very upset she says she loves me but stays with Jimmy. Then near the end of our conversation she hints at staying the night at my house today. So I woke up this morning feeling awesome. I go to work and on a delivery and bank and shopping I called Whitney because I wanted to let her know I was thinking about her. Dustin wasn't at work today he's sick. Luke and I cleaned shelves and went on a delivery. Then after work I showered headed to the thunderdome to watch Wellington's game he's #15 and as a sophomore he starts varsity. They were playing against Evergreen and it was suppose to be the league decider. I sat next to Orville talked with him. Rob seemed nice he smiled and waved to me. Then Whitney got there and I was suppose to act like I didn't know she was coming. So she sat in front of me and talked with Kaitlyn J. then I got a text from Jake, he and Taylor joined us at half time. Jake and I walked down and talked to Winston in the front of the student section. Archbold lost the game but Wellington was or seemed ok afterwards. Whitney and I played it off like I was leaving and she was going back to school then around 10:30 she got to my house. We cuddled on the couch watched 25 days of Christmas by the tree. We prayed together that God's will be done. She is so amazing. We went in the basement put in Wedding Crashers and fell asleep, while I was waiting for her to get to my house I prayed and talked to God it was a beautiful night out. Just calmed me for whatever the outcome.

12/17/08

Wednesday December 17, 2008 - Winter Cleaning

I talked to Whitney until 2 last night. She told me that Kelsey could sense that Whit wasn't happy with Jimmy. Maybe God is working in my favor faster than I thought. But I still don't know what the plan is but I still love talking to Whit on the phone. I'm trying to read more "My Utmost for His Highest" every morning. I need to grow. Today at work Dustin and I went to the bank together and cardboard and wal-mart for 409, paper towels, and hot chocolate. Matt, Luke, Dustin and I went to Dairy Queen for lunch in my rental car. Work sucked I cleaned and vacuumed all day and I have a feeling tomorrow is a lot more of the same. After work I called Jake to see if I could go to Wednesday night High School church with him but he had some plans probably with Taylor. So I ate left overs for dinner fell asleep watching Seinfeld then woke up. Messed with that tangible memory some more and started sorting the MSN conversations out, bad memories of a selfish 16 year old Adam not treating Whit right at all. It's 9:42 now and I'm about to jump in bed and call Whitney but I still have to watch this one tree hill episode she sent me yesterday. I hate that I always cram God in the last few lines of these entries. I need him to be all throughout this page and every page. I pray that God give me more gifts as my life goes on. He's already blessed me so much.

12/16/08

Tuesday December 16, 2008 - Day late Friend

Last night Whitney and I talked until 2 and she read a few of her letters to me on our facebook group. I can't believe how much she cares for me and this whole time this past year she has truly loved me. She has been ready to be my wife long before I knew I feel so stupid and I regret missing out but thank God that it isn't too late and now she knows that I love her back. Today I woke up at 6:30 and went to work with Doug. I felt 15 again before I had my license. It was good to see Dustin and the rest of the Carter guys. For lunch we went to Grasshopper then around 1 Doug and I went to pick up my rental car a 2008 Chevy Impala with about 144 miles on it. Then I cleaned a lot of the showroom until 5. When I got home I showered headed to Jake's then Kelsey G. and we went to Las Mariachis. I saw Mark E. there and then we went back to Jake's, talked, hung out. It started snowing bad and Jake has to plow tomorrow morning so we got kicked out at 9:30. So it's 10:10 now all day today I thought about Whitney. I still can't get over the fact that she loves me. I had to send her 2 texts because I miss her so much and everything reminds me of her. So many good memories and so many more to be made. She is so awesome I can't wait to talk to her tonight. I hope her finals went good today. I love loving her and I pray that this is God's will and that through God Whitney and I can grow and learn to love each other more.

12/15/08

Monday December 15, 2008 - Memory Lane

Last night as I was laying in my bed because Whitney had not answered my calls, she was calling me so I talked with her in my bed until 3. She was crying and confused because she didn't want to break up with Jimmy even though she cheated on him with me. It still hurts to know that she is still going to date him even after Saturday but as we talked and I told her how I think about her being my wife and how much I love her and how much she means to me eventually she told me that she loves me too and that she wants me to be her husband. Can a man have a better feeling than finding the woman he loves and having her feel the same way? So I over slept and did not go to work because of lack of car. So got up around 11:00 worked on the memory book till 5ish called Whit because I could not stop thinking about her and I couldn't wait to talk to her. We talked for over an hour and I had to go because my dinner was cold. I worked on the memory paper more then Jake called 8ish so I went over there. Hung out talked about high school and I couldn't stop thinking about Whit I had to bite my tongue to keep from talking about her. But it's 11:00 o'clock now and I'm about to call her again. I know I need to love myself first but loving and being loved by Whitney is so awesome. When we get back together I am never going to let her go again. I love her and God but I must grow more with God.

12/14/08

Sunday December 14, 2008 - Fricke Talk

Today I woke up at 9:50 showered and headed to Scott Smith's Sunday school class at 10:15. After that I sat to watch the sermon and Jake walked in and joined me. It's always nice to see him. I talked to Orville and Delight Fricke along with Melody and Jacob when I first got to church, then Winston in between Sunday school and church but after church I wanted to take a nap because I only got 5 hours of sleep. Laid down to watch "Just Friends" and could not sleep. Got up around 2:30 and wrote yesterday's notebook entry because I was too tired yesterday. Then I went to wal-mart to help Jake with shop with a cop. Where low income families get a certain amount of money and a cop shops with the child. After Jake and I put tables and chairs away we hung out at his house talked. I told him about yesterday and then we headed to Smith's for Real at 7:00. We read 1 John chapters 1-3 I believe that group is a lot of fun and I finally met Taylor Miller. After the lesson we played scum and Winston and I headed over to his house of course with no speedometer because Doug's Chevy. But once I got there I talked with Audrey. Winter is in 6th grade, Wellington in sophomore and Winston is a senior. It was good to see them from 10-11:20 I talked with Audrey. Rob ignored me which is understandable but before I left I told Audrey that I was thankful for allowing me to be a part of the family and that I was sorry for what I put them through. My palms are still a bit sweaty.

12/13/08

Saturday December 13, 2008 - She's Saint Mary's

Last night Whitney and I talked until about 3 in the morning. She is such an amazing woman. Today I woke up at about 10:00am showered headed to National City to cash some birthday checks then I headed to Cheri Durbin's place to get my hair cut. She was behind schedule so I had to wait but I saw Ashley M. and Meghan S. there so I drove to Wal-Mart and in the parking lot I call Whitney's house and spoke to her mother and asked if I could talk to her tomorrow. She said around 8ish I could so then I went in Wal-Mart and bought some gum then headed to Saint Mary's. When I saw Whitney come out of her dorm and get into my dad's truck with me she looked so beautiful. We headed to Wendy's where we just talked for an hour and a half or so. I couldn't stop smiling and after that we drove to Wal-Mart and bought stuff to bake cookies and I bought Dark Knight. Spending time with her shopping like a married couple made me so happy. We got back to her dorm and in the kitchen we made the dough and icing my arm was so tired from mand mixing but she was so happy I didn't care. Afterwards we watched part of the Dark Knight and even though she is with Jimmy we couldn't keep away and we did some major making out. We talked alot she is still sad about Kayla and I hate that. But with time it will get better so I left at 2:00 got home around 4 in the morning called her to let her know I did not die on the car ride home. Then I went to sleep out like a light.

12/12/08

Friday December 12, 2008 - Home Sweet Home

Last night was another tearful night with Whitney. I told her I would call her parents and talk with them in person I am scared to death about doing it but I will do it because it is the right thing to do. I went to bed around 4:30 Dain got me up around 9 adn we hit the road at 9:55. Made it to my place alittle after noon. Dain is an awesome dude. I unpacked showered and got situated in home. I started scanning and organizing my tangable memory then ate pizza with Pam and Doug. Found out that Pam wrecked my car but not a big deal. I drove Doug's truck to the bank around 5:30. Whitney called me because I am going to see her tomorrow and she was giving me the game plan. Around 9 Jake came over and we talked a bit. He is an awesome man of God I love that dude. We drove to Arby's around midnight then talked until now, like 1:00am. I am starting to let go and give this situation to God. I love Whitney and if we are supose to be together then by God's will we will be together. Reading all of our memories makes me miss what I had so bad. If I ever start forgetting I need to turn to the Green box and just read a few things. She's so awesome I thank God that he gave me the time he did with her. Hopefully I can grow without her so that if I don't end up with her God can help me to stand on my own. I need to find worth in God.

12/11/08

Thursday December 11, 2008 - NYHOS

Last night when I talked to Whit everything went well and we talked till 3. I swear that what I feel for that woman can only be love. She is so incredible today I woke up did some laundry and went to my final at 1:30 for Comm 200. I think I did half way decent then I went back home, played some halo 3 with Dain enjoyed the slight break while I was home. Before the 1st exam I wrote an e-mail to Whitney because I couldn't stop thinking about her. I pray that her and Jimmy don't make it to 2009. So after Halo with Dain at 3 I took my last final felt like I did a decent job. On the way back to the man cottage I ran into my brother in the south oval he was heading to take his final. He is going to Florida to look for a job this Christmas break. I can't believe we are getting this old. After I talked with him I played Halo with Dain for a while, while Blake baked cookies for Gisell's white elephant party. Then when they left Dain and I headed out to Olive Garden but before that I started packing. At Olive Garden to pick up Dain's check. I couldn't stop thinking about Whitney and I almost got sorta depressed. After that Tim, Hyster, and I headed out to Nyoh's where I saw Clink and Erika W. Crazy small world then I had to drive Katie and Amy to Hyster's place. After I played 2 games of Halo with Dain and Tim and now I'm about to call Whit at 1:35am The end.

12/10/08

Wednesday December 10, 2008 - Cramming

Last night I talked with Whit until 2:30 then we both fell asleep on the phone and woke up at 4:30 said good night. The longer she stays with Jimmy the more it hurts me I want to be with her so bad. I do love her and she is the only woman I would ever marry. Today I woke up at 11:00 and studied from 12:00 to about 1 or so then went to Becki's office the TA for my science class. I copied all quiz questions down gave them to Dana to make in to flash cards. Then ate at Adriatico's Pizza with Dain. Then headed back to Dana's got the flash cards down pat so I called Sealscott for dance lessons. She wouldn't be ready until 8 so I played Halo 3 and got MVP with 17 kills for once. She called me and we danced in Pomerince until 10 when I walked to the SEL to study for Comm 200 and then walked back to the man cottage. Talked to Dain went in my room now it's 1:11 and I have missed two of Whitney's calls. I hope that God's plan is for us to be together. I do love her and I will never let her out of my life again. No woman can make me cry like she can, also at dance Alex taught me East coast swing, Tango, and Samba but dance is getting hard and complicated. It's worth it though for Whitney I hope the finals go well for me tomorrow and I hope my talk with Whitney is amazing that's all.

12/09/08

Tuesday December 9, 2008 - Freeday

Last night Whit and I talked until 2:30 she said this week before finals is known as H-E-Double Hockey stick week I thought that was funny because she never cusses even at 21 she still calls it that. She is such a one of a kind woman so I let her go to bed early. I woke up at 11 to Scott's text asking to go to Mirror Lake Cafe so Dain, Tim, Alex, The Russian, and I ate at Mirror Lake. Then I went with Alex to the RPAC to drop something off went to Stradley with her grabbed my bag I forgot. Went home played Halo with Dain, Travis, Tim, and Hyster like always. I tried to get something done so in the afternoon I tried to study for the Earth Science final on Thursday but I couldn't so I called Dana Smith and she will help me tomorrow around noon. So I started messing around on the laptop and began the outline for my tangable memory binder. It seems simple enough around 8 Dain, Travis and I headed to the south Jessie Owens to life I was done in a half hour. Finished the outline then watched Travis play halo until Hyster and Sierra came over to take Tim to Nyoh's. I will probably go with them Thursday night. Talked to Dain while he was on the phone with Alexis as usual about comming home from finals week. I might have to ditch the BBQ Friday even though I set it up. After all I did not do much of anything today I feel lazy and scared that my GPA might not be the greatest but I hate studying hopefully tomorrow will be nicer to me and I'll feel better about Thursday.

12/08/08

Monday December 8, 2008 - Comm 101 Final

Last night the power came back on at 1:10am I talked with Whitney until 4:30 maybe she is supose to be with Jimmy and I'm just supose to be alone but these feelings I have for her stop me from moving on. I will wait for her forever. She is the only woman worthy enough to to marry to me and bond with God. Today I woke up at 9 so thats 4 1/2 hours of sleep. I went and talked with my advisor and then came back to the man cottage around 11 left again for Scott's dorm we rode the CABS bus to class for the final afterwards I basically mastered cha cha at the RPAC with her. Then went back home started up my xbox live account PwninNewbz23 I had alot of fun playing with Travis Hyster Dain and Tim. After all of this I started reading old e-mails of Whitney's from 2004 they reminded me of better times and it gave me an idea to create a tangable memory for myself. Printing every event that happened in our lives and containing it in a 3 ring binder right now Whitney is e-mailing me all the e-mails I sent her back to me so that I can have the whole story. Today was not that eventful of a day I am reminded just how powerless I am and how much I do need God and Christ to take my sins from me and give me, cover me in his grace. I pray that my EarthSci class final goes good and that I study for it before Thursday, there is nothing left to say.

12/07/08

Sunday December 7, 2008 - Blackout!

Last night I told Whitney about the ball room lessons I took with Scott and she cried I felt bad but I want her back so bad. That I'll dance or do whatever we talked until 4:00 today I woke up checked my facebook sent Whit a message about Tim McGraw on 4 Christmases then headed over to Scott's. We ate at Mirror Lake Cafe and then walked in the snow to the RPAC where we danced until about 6:00 we went to Target to get my pictures develovped and studies for Comm final at the food place. The subject turned to Whitney again and Alex talked about the Miss Northwestern pageant. I got back home put the pictures on facebook and talked to Whit on AOL then Dain wanted to play Halo 3 with Hyster, Tim, and I. So we did then suddenly the power went out at around 10:00pm. I am writing this with a flash light becasue it's 12 and still no light or heat I talked to Tim tonight about Whitney told him our whole history and he told me about Katie and him I pray to God that he doesn't get hurt by her again. I pray that God's will is for them to end up together and happy. Tim told me I shouldn't talk to Whitney as much and give her and Jimmy a chance of course I hate the idea of this and after I'm done with this entry I'm going to call her like I have been. My Comm 101 final is tomorrow I hope I don't over sleep or freeze to death. I pray that God's will be done.

12/06/08

Saturday December 6, 2008 - 123 Cha cha cha

Last night I called and spoke with Whitney until 4:30 the time flies by as we talk for hours each night. Last night we had a slight dispute over a picture frame being laid on the floor and I felt my old self comming back I quickly tried to kill those feelings Satan had planted. I still have a ways to go with my walk with Christ. I woke up today and Travis drove us to Kenra's place to help Brian move a washing machine I also found out about Brian planning to engage Kendra the idea made me sad to think that Whitney and I dated longer and are not on our way to marriage. Afterwards I went to Alex S. dorm room in Stradley to study for our Comm101 final. After about a 1/2 hour I went to the basement of the building in the fitness center to get my first private dacing lesson where I learned the basics of the morengay, international Cha cha and American Rumba. These ballroom dances seem simple enough I just have to get less robotic and about to do more fancy stuff after the 2 hour lesson. Travis and I drove back over to Kendra and Brian's place we went to a Mexican resturant and then watched the lastest office episode. Afterwards when I got back to the man cottage I talked with Dain who had relatonship problems with Alexis. Helping him with that reminded me of Whitney again she went home to watch her brother Wellington play his first varsity basketball game tonight against Wauseon. I'm not sure who won it's 11:48 now and I'm about to check my e-mail and facebook then call Whitney. I pray that God's will lines up with my own selfish desire to be with her again I thank God for all the gifts and Blessings he has given me that I talk for granted I hope to decrease myself so that he may shine through me.

12/05/08

Friday December 5, 2008 - Hindsight is 20/20

I have decided to start a notebook to keep track of all of my thoughts and actions so that I can recall and learn from them so I do not make the same mistakes as I did in the past. There was one mistake in perticular that caused me to be so overwhelmed with regret that I did not want to have to deal with forgetting mistakes and repeating them over and over. I am currently at my apartment 128 West 9th Ave in Columbus. This week has been very influencial on me after returning from Thanksgiving break Monday morning I checked my facebook to learn that Jimmy Z. is dating my exgirlfriend/high school sweatheart of 3 1/2 years. I reacted just like I always did when I found out Whitney was exiting my life I went crying to her. That night I called with her until 4:30 in the morning. The Tuesday after that we talked until 7:30 the sun was up. Wednesday we talked until 3:00ish I believe and last night until 6:30am I love talking to her on the phone it takes me back to such good memories. However because of my selfishness she is no longer with me she is with Jimmy. She last night told me she wants to stay with him to be sure she's suppose to be with me or him because of this I'm reaching towards the Lord. I need God to complete me and help me rely on God and not the faulty attention from my lusting desires of women. I am extremely nervous that she will choose Jimmy over me and even if not he will be in her mind from now on. The situation is too much for me to bare and thus I give it up to Jesus so that He can make it his and not mine. If by the grace of God Whitney gives me a 4th chance I pray that I never let her go again.